While practicality is rarely a concern with Sugaring, morality, however, is. For the uninformed, Sugaring has a murky moral status, albeit unfairly so. And for that reason, many Sugar Babies hide their Sugaring activities from their conservative friends and family since disapproval is a likely scenario. Such secrecy can cause a Sugar Baby stress and feelings of loneliness or abandonment. In this post, I want to help make you fearless when it comes to breaking sweet news to your family.
Sugaring is empowering and freeing, but your friends and family might not see it that way. Imagine you are enjoying a nice family dinner when suddenly, you being a Sugar Baby becomes a heated topic of discussion. Without warning, dinner turns into a verbal brawl and you’re being shot at from every direction. Perhaps you try to keep up with the back-and-forth jabs, but then feel understandably overwhelmed, and burst into tears and leave. I suggest taking control of your emotions and the conversation by devising a strategy.
If this means you no longer live with your parents or they no longer fund your studies – so be it. Easier said than done, but in the long run I’d prefer to be broke with self-respect (I’ve tried it both ways). What worked for me was to be calmly assertive — to speak and live openly as who I am.
When I was 19 and studying to get my degree in accounting, I was still living with my mother and drunk, abusive stepfather in a very uppity neighborhood – piano lessons, trips to Europe, elegant banquets, rolling lawns, domestic servants, an actual in-house library, etc. I finally realized that my integrity was paramount, and that my life choices, candor and openness were not appreciated in the household.
I moved out to live on my own, in a humble blue-collar neighborhood. I was probably the most sober person in the ZIP code. I took some reasonable safety precautions but was happier in that humble, little neighborhood than where I’d grown up. I took a modest part-time job to earn a living while completing my degree. I was happy in a newer, simpler, self-respecting way.
I’m not advising you to move out, but it helped me to know that I always had ultimate control. Anybody could make me leave but nobody could make me grovel. I didn’t, and don’t, accept unearned guilt.
As the disapproving family squabbles, sit back and relish in your own strength. Your participation is optional and is offered only under conditions that you so choose. Until then, simply observe – like a good journalist. Silently and calmly, watch and learn: body language, attitude, emotions, words, insults, humor, baiting, etc. When the time comes for you to have the floor, start with conversational ground rules:
- When I think they might now be receptive, I’d nonverbally convey that I’m ready to say something, by holding up an index finger. I’d calmly wait until I have an audience. If I don’t get silence, I’d put my finger down again, and wait as long as I need to. If some leave, before I ever get to speak, that’s fine. If they all leave, that’s fine too.
- I’d say: “I’d like to respond. I’ll speak if each person here agrees to keep quiet for 60 seconds. Agreed?”
- I’d wait until everyone agrees. If some still refuse, I would point to them and turn the group dynamic against that person, so that they also agree to let me speak without interruption. Until then, I don’t speak. Whatever it takes, I don’t speak until each person commits to my ground rules. If that never happens, so be it. Their loss. I don’t insist or repeat myself. I just wait.
- Once I have the floor, I’d say: “I’m an adult. It’s my life to live. If you disagree with my approach, that’s fine. If you have any serious, sincere questions, ask me now and I’ll write down one question per person and get back to you with a reply.”
- After I write down any questions, I would immediately leave – the table, the room, the house, the property. I’d go to a safe place with total privacy. I might be angry or sad but I’d deal with it in private. Crying is OK. Any emotion is OK. I’d let myself feel it, and acknowledge it.
- Lastly, I’d take a break from the entire thing for one or more days.
Conflict is part of being human. I can’t avoid it, but if I deal with it well, I can enjoy a relatively peaceful life with conflict being rare – for me. If you’re an embattled Sugar Baby, I hope this helps you in the same way.