Decoding the First Message

By Brook

Dec 22, 2015

When a message from a POT rolls into your SeekingArrangement inbox, it’s easy to get overwhelmed since it’s a site for non-traditional dating.

What does he mean? Is he salt? Messages usually fall into these six categories. Here are my tips for decoding the first message.

The Shorthander

Example: “How r u?”
Obviously, we know these guys are busy. A quick note is a way to get your attention without putting too much effort forward. Read: likes to date multiple women. He keeps things completely informal, and takes a Tinder-esque approach. This guy probably doesn’t want a serious arrangement, but is curious and might be worth your time or at least a date.

The Photo Requester

Example: “Request to view your private photos.”
The common misconception with this type of first message is some Sugar Babies think this is a picture collector. While that might be true, this usually just means he’s shy. This guy probably doesn’t know what to say, so he puts in the request to get the conversation started and see if you’re interested without committing to writing an actual message.

Look at his profile, and if you like him then allow access to your pictures. You can always revoke the access later. If you don’t like him, say you’re not interested or just don’t respond. He’ll likely get the hint.

The Show Off

Example: “I am willing to give you a $10,000 allowance and buy you a Bentley if you come to [insert random city].”
His intentions might be good, but it’s a bit soon to be offering this in the first message, before he even has your phone number. Use discretion on this one. He could be foreign and doesn’t really understand why that might be weird, or he could be a fake. I suggest setting up a Skype call if he interests you and taking it from there.

The Novelist

Example: “Hello there. How are you? I came accross your profile and have to say that you are absolutely stunning. A little about myself: I suppose I’ll start at the beginning. I was born in 1966 to blah blah blah….”
We get it. You took a creative writing class in college and never hesitate to display your vast vocabulary of SAT words. This guy’s best friend’s are copy and paste. He took the time to craft an eloquent autobiography, and thinks you want to read it on your cell phone’s tiny screen. His type is usually looking for a deep connection and a serious relationship. I suggest looking at his profile and seeing if you’re interested before dedicating 25 minutes to read his essay.

The Greeting Card

Example: “Hello, Brook. Love your picture in the red bikini. It seems like we’re looking for the same thing. I see you live in Vegas, I visit frequently. Would you like get dinner while I’m in town?
Personally, this is my favorite type of message, and the template I use if ever I decide to message a POT. It’s short, thoughtful, to the point, and shows you took the time to read someone’s profile. From there, I would set up a phone call or a Skype date to figure out if there’s a spark and any potential for a real connection.

The Propositioner

Example: “In town tonight. $500 if you come my hotel.”
Awkward. This guy is up to no good. While SA does its best to keep these men off the site, sometimes they slip through the cracks or the good ones turn salty (or drunk). It’s your responsibility to report him. The keywords will get him booted eventually, but please help us expedite the process and hit the report button.