Courtney, a 27 year old sugar baby that’s been in the bowl for 6 months, shares her story of the most toxic sugar relationship she’d been in and how she handled getting rid of a toxic sugar relationship.
What has been the most toxic sugar relationship you have been in?
Oh, man. My first sugar daddy. There was this really hot, like wow, very attractive, young sugar daddy I met on Seeking Arrangements. I think that was the problem, probably. To be completely honest, I didn’t even take into consideration as much as I should have on his profile, but even when I first messaged him he seemed very rude. I wasn’t sure if I was just interpreting him wrongly, though, so I gave him a chance. The first time we met, he was very cold and pretty cheap but I thought that would change over time and he had this certain charm that was very dominant in how he spoke. I was his sugar baby for around 3 months, and he did not allow me to have any other sugar daddies and for some mysterious reason, I figured I shouldn’t and I paid attention to his wishes about this. I would pay for the transportation and he would give me a 30 dollar max for meals. If we ever went shopping, he’d allow me to get exactly 3 items. He never specifically said so, but I caught on pretty quick.
When attempting to rationalize with your sugar daddy about something you are not comfortable with, have you dealt with condescending speeches?
Oh, yeah. Definitely. Especially near the end of our arrangement. I practically begged him to give me some kind of allowance because he was the only sugar daddy I was seeing and he took up a lot of my time, which didn’t leave me much space for myself let alone a job. He thought that was taking advantage of him. I remember he said something along the lines of, “I understand that we have an agreement, sweetie, but also remember who’s paying for most of your things. You can’t be that selfish in the real world,” and it infuriated me, but I just kind of nodded my head. I feel pretty stupid about that when I look back at it.
Had that sugar daddy been abusive in any way?
He was a horrible sugar daddy and a little salty, but he never touched me. In fact, he never touched me in any way; we were 100% platonic. Also, he never shouted at me or said anything particularly hurtful in an obvious way, but there was a lot of psychological abuse. I remember feeling completely dependent of him because of all the times he’d brought me down and made me feel like I wouldn’t make it in the ‘real world’. He stripped me of all my independence. I think in some way he felt like he had power over me, which he kind of did.
How did you manage to cut that sugar daddy out of your life?
Eventually, I went behind my sugar daddy’s back to find a side one with flexible hours for me. When I left the site I felt paranoid and guilty. A few days later I received a message from a man who offered flexible hours, and he asked me why I needed the flexible hours. I think it was at that moment that I had someone to vent to that I spilled my guts to this guy. He was very kind and gave me some words of encouragement. He told me the way I was treated wasn’t normal and if I felt like I needed someone to maintain me after I left him, I could count on him. I was a bit afraid that this was just another tactic of manipulation since I was so used to that, but I didn’t have much of a choice. I didn’t want to face my current sugar daddy in real life because I knew he’d be able to change my mind, so I sent him a message telling him I was no longer going to be seeing him and I blocked him.
Did that sugar daddy have any of your personal information, and if so, did he ever try to contact you again?
No, I was always very careful with my information even in the beginning. I sometimes thought he might suddenly show up, but I started sugaring with the sugar daddy I had contact with when I needed some help and he has always been very helpful with helping me cope.
What red flags should you watch out for to simply try and avoid ill meaning sugar daddies?
Salty and flat out rude sugar daddies. Most importantly, if something feels even the slightest bit off after a conversation online or the first meetup, cut communication with that sugar daddy immediately.
Courtney’s experiences of having and getting rid of a toxic sugar relationship aren’t uncommon. Her experience can just as frequently be found in non-sugar centered dating relationships. In every type of relationship however, it is important to remember her words of wisdom. If you’re in a toxic arrangement remember to keep your options open. Keep looking until you find the sugar daddy that makes you happy – he’s out there.