Is it Him, or Me?

By WhenSadieTalks

May 23, 2019

When I was growing up, I was taught to never lie. It was taught to be morally wrong, socially unacceptable, and disrespectful. I tried hard not to lie, cuss, or talk back to my parents. Then as I got older, I realized that there was someone I wasn’t very truthful with. Myself.

Listen to Your Body

Your body doesn’t lie to you. That’s what my therapist told me when I explained that I met a man from Match.com who had a Ph.D., six-figure income, a great family, and was emotionally available… and I would find myself pulling away when he would try to kiss me. It didn’t make sense, so I stuck around a few more dates to see if I could talk myself into wanting this man. Nothing changed. My body knew what my heart didn’t want to admit right away.

You don’t need to talk yourself into wanting someone. You either feel something, or you don’t. Sometimes it will be instantaneous; sometimes it will take a few dates.

Test Yourself

If you find yourself coming up with excuses to cancel, or reschedule a date with someone, try digging deep down to figure out the actual reason you don’t want to go. If you’re having an off day, don’t feel like you look your usual best, there is a crisis situation in your family, or you feel ill, then those are not excuses. Those are real reasons you should cancel your date and reschedule to a time you can present yourself better. Just make sure to be courteous of your date’s time and give as much notice as you can.

If it isn’t one of those things, then the reality is that doing something (or possibly absolutely nothing) sounds better than spending time with this other person. Save yourself the time and the makeup, and listen to what your body is telling you. It’s saying that this person isn’t right for you and it’s time to move on to the plenty of other single people in the world. Thank you, next.

Maybe It’s Not Him This Time

For the first two years of sugar dating, I soaked up all the glitz, money, gifts, and spoiling. It was as though my life went from basic to Instagram Influencer in a matter of weeks. Each man who showed interest in me from this site made me smile a little brighter and I felt genuinely happy.

After the two year mark, I found myself going through the motions of each new date and not enjoying myself at all. I’m not quite sure what began my mental disconnect, but it was time to take a break from dating. A mental reboot and recharge were what I needed the most at that time.

For three weeks, I deactivated my SeekingArrangement account, didn’t log onto social media, and began doing the things that I enjoyed more often.

This mental recharge allowed me to get back to feeling the excitement and fun that comes with dating. The more I thought about it, the more I understood that sometimes it was me who didn’t feel a spark of attraction, or emotion for someone because I was just too overwhelmed with life and what I had to juggle.

Wrapping it Up

Dating and relationships, whether exclusive or not, should be full of good times and lightly sprinkled with hard times. When things aren’t going well for more than a few weeks, take a step back and evaluate if it’s him you’re actually not into, or you just need a vacation from dating.