Loving Yourself First

By Sweet Tea

Oct 24, 2018

The Dalai Lama once said, “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.” Psychologists established long ago that humans are social creatures. For most people, a companionship is essentially a form of sustenance. Many of us have been in love, given love, and longed for love. Complications with these experiences often serve as an impetus for joining the Sugar Bowl. Sugar Dating can be a wonderful way to regain faith in relationships. However, it is important to have a secure and loving relationship with oneself before seeking unity with another person.


I know from experience that the relationships in which we invest the most can end up being the ones that hurt us the most. This is because sharing ourselves with others and trusting them to do the same is an exercise in vulnerability. When we invest in those who do not reciprocate, we can be taken advantage of, taken for granted, or completely neglected. Having suffered these many times, I began to question whether I, myself, was the problematic common denominator. I became guarded and cynical in fear of being hurt again. I now understand that maltreatment is not a reflection of one’s lack of value, but of the inability of others to recognize the true value that one holds.

Thus, it is important to realize that not everyone is deserving of our best selves. Our deepest passions and greatest sacrifices should be reserved only for those who can be trusted to appreciate them and make equal commitments. Furthermore, we should always be attentive to signs that forewarn the type of interactions that have caused us pain in the past. We can protect ourselves by steering clear of them.


Before I learned to recognize and avoid toxic relationships, I went through a prolonged period of heartache. Then followed a period of isolation. On a college campus, I was never truly alone, but I had terminated all my closest relationships. I spent time getting to know myself as an individual, free from the suffocating ideas and opinions of others. I believe that understanding yourself is prerequisite to entering a relationship. It is important to know what you have to offer and what you need to receive from another person in order for the union to be healthy and happy. During my season of introspection, I finally felt able to focus on my own goals, my own desires, and my own emotions., I discovered what I truly felt, why I felt that way, and whether the feelings were ones I wanted to preserve or improve.

The fact is that even under the most oppressive circumstances, you have the authority to preserve or improve your attitude. For me, realizing this for the first time was an incredibly liberating and empowering reclamation of an agency. I cultivated renewed confidence from the rubble that had been accumulating throughout a series of failed relationships.  Once you decide what is important to you and commit yourself to pursuing it, nothing can prevent your success. Commit yourself to your career, commit yourself to self-love, commit yourself to healing, commit yourself to happiness. Search within yourself, and determine your own value. Then, no one can tell you otherwise.


Countless articles and threads on this website are posted from a place of insecurity. We constantly question whether we are attractive, intelligent, or interesting enough. All of these concerns are understandably exacerbated in the Sugar Bowl. I strongly believe that this is not the place for those with doubts. I recommend coming to the Sugar Bowl only after developing a firm sense of self-assurance. Not only is confidence more attractive to Sugar Daddies, it’s a defense mechanism against scammers and Salt Daddies. Rather than worrying about being manipulated, a woman who navigates the Bowl with confidence is a threat to all those who seek to prey on naiveté.

My journey toward confidence and self-satisfaction reached a high point just before I decided to join SA. Joining was one of many exercises in my newly embraced agency. Having recently entered my first arrangement with a wonderful SD, my self-perception continues to only improve. No relationship, sugar or otherwise, should solely cause the opposite. The pursuit of a relationship before one is self-sufficient can lead to lust, possessiveness, neediness, distrust, and manipulation. These can manifest in place of genuine, wholesome affection for another person. Furthermore, someone subconsciously looking to satisfy a lack of self-love may attract people who will subject them to various abuses under the guise of affection.

I write all of this having learned from my own painful experiences. Though mainly applied to the context of Sugar Relationships in this article, these points are widely generalizable. Growing from your trauma, understanding and investing in yourself, and navigating your environment and relationships with confidence are paths to empowerment in any aspect of life. Work to recognize and embrace your unique self, independently of any influences or criticisms projected upon you. Once you wholeheartedly believe in your ability to accomplish whatever you set your mind to, all the friends, lovers, accolades, and wealth you acquire will just be icing on the cake.