Why You Got Ghosted

By Ian Oliver

Feb 02, 2016

Sociological research studies suggest that 60 percent of the time, someone’s reaction has nothing to do with what you said or did. Rather, it has to do with what is going on elsewhere in their lives. Thankfully, this helps explain a lot of inconsistent and strange behavior in the online dating world! But the other 40 percent of the time is much more in your control. From a man’s perspective, this is why you got ghosted.

Presumably, we all have our goals for our online dating. If not, you really need to know. Figure out what you want to achieve and then devise your approach before joining SeekingArrangement. Without this, there is no chance that your online dating will be successful.

Evolution of Connection

Next, be aware of the natural evolution of connection: initial contact, back and forth through the site, move to texting, maybe emailing, then a phone call or two and then the first meet.

Why is this progression so important? Two main reasons: first, it allows both parties to feel out the other safely. Safety is extremely important in the online dating world. Second, it allows for you to get to know the other person a little and filter! You want to filter and analyze before committing to that first meet to optimize the chances of at least a basic fit in terms of goals and outlook. You want to try not to waste either of your time.

Natural Contact

So, the main reasons that people ghost each other is that so often as we progress through that contact chronology of initial contact, one or the other of the two people get flaky, non responsive or weird! If you say you are going to call tomorrow or email tomorrow, do it! If you say you are going to send pictures, do it! Remember that early on, the significance of each statement and action is much higher than it will be later because you each have so few data points on each other so each data point carries more import in the beginning. That’s why first impressions are so important! It’s the only live data point that you have until you spend more time!

As you make your way through the natural contact chronology, be mindful of everything you do. And that includes not responding for too long. If you are having a dialogue through the site and then you go AWOL for several days in the middle of a conversation without giving that person a heads up, it comes across as very flaky, even though you might just be busy! But the other person doesn’t know that! All they know is that you just dropped off!

So remember how easy it is to miscommunicate online and be especially self observant to minimize ghosting and optimize your chances of a great connection.