Wearing Your Body Proudly: Do’s and Dont’s of Cultivating Confidence

By Sweet Tea

Jul 20, 2018

A significant aspect of practicing self-love is developing body confidence. Once concern some SBs have about intimacy with an SD is exposing marks, dimples, folds, or other things that may compromise her value to him. Body confidence is the foundation of being able to hold your own in a sugar relationship or any social space. It’s difficult to navigate this world comfortably if you are uncomfortable in your vessel of transportation. Here are a few things that may be helpful to keep in mind.

DONT

Confine yourself to irrelevant beauty standards. You are not beholden to makeup products or trends that don’t compliment your face, clothes marketed for a body type that is not yours, or any other societal aesthetic that was designed with someone else in mind. When working toward embracing yourself, if there are aspects you struggle to appreciate, reflect on why. Are your feelings about those things internally or externally motivated? If there are people or other environmental influences that make you feel flawed, I encourage you to reject them. Don’t subscribe to messages that undermine your feeling of self-worth. If your motivations instead stem from a personal desire to discover your best self, set realistic and healthy goals and do your best to reach them.

DO

Spend more time naked! Face yourself in the mirror and sing your own praises. Find undergarments that flatter your body type and boost your morale. Practice recognizing the aspects of yourself that you like, and water that until it blossoms into love. There may only be a few things at first, or even none, but good posture, a firm stance, and a smile are a great place to start. Change the lens of your self-perception from dark and disparaging to respectful and rose-colored. It will be easier to see yourself as a complete and capable person rather than a conglomeration of flaws. As mentioned earlier, if there are things you want to improve, do so not as a punishment for the way that you are but as an exploration of your potential.

DONT

Suck in, pinch, or bind parts of your body and compliment the reflection that results. You are not a garment to be stuck with clips and pins before being considered presentable. Imagine trying to do this during intimacy with an SD – it would be impractical and just exhausting. Attempting to manipulate your reflection every time you see it creates a deeply ingrained dissatisfaction with your self-image. It increases longing for a version of yourself that, at least for the moment, does not exist. It’s impossible to be at peace in your body if you don’t let your body be at peace! So take full breaths, leave your hands at your sides, lift your chin and let your body be.

DO

Discard the box in which you may feel trapped by your appearance. Break away from the mentality that certain shapes or shades can’t do certain things. I’ll use a few personal examples to illustrate what I mean. For as long as I can remember, there has been a constellation of scars across my shoulders, chest, and upper back. When I was much younger, someone I considered a close friend taunted me to the extent that I was afraid to wear blouses that exposed any skin on these parts of my body for years. With time, and becoming more selective of the types of energy I allow into my life, I came to the realization that I have scars because my skin healed. Similarly, the stretch marks or tiger stripes as I have heard them daringly renamed, along my very long legs are a sign of growth. There are facial features I used to loathe due to years of bullying, but in light of the amazing feeling of being told that I resemble my mom, I would not change them for the world. No insult of my skin can deny its resilience, and no insult of my features can challenge my love for my mother. My body does not bar me from living my life to the fullest. Instead, appreciate it is the key to doing so. The same is true for you.

DONT

Give up! The list of points I’ve compiled here is an attempt to deconstruct the dissonance that often forms between the conceptions of our real selves and our ideal selves. Implementing them is much easier said than done. Many of us judge our bodies by unreasonable standards, and the time and energy we invest into those standards blind us to the value we already possess. My message is that it’s incredibly rewarding to allow your present self to be all that you need. One of my favorite poets once wrote, “and I said to my body. softly. i want to be your friend.it took a long breath. and replied. i have been waiting my whole life for this.  My world rocked the first time I heard those words. I want to echo them here as loudly as possible.  Be kind, considerate, and gentle with yourself. Be proud of yourself and all that you have survived. Celebrate the body that carried you through it all. The right SD will celebrate it with you.