Well ladies, I had a great couple months with a true stud. Handsome, smart, compassionate.. it was/is hard to see him in any other light other than amazing. Once-a-week get togethers often turned into 2 or even 3 days and nights a week, laughing and watching movies, ordering in, and having endless knee-quivering sex.
Although his wallet could afford me, this arrangement wasn’t sustainable for our personal lives. He’s married and loves his wife, I’m married and don’t know where I stand with my husband, and both of our feelings were growing into something that we recognized as dangerous. This is a tale of unsustainable Sugar.
We were laughing and cuddling, and he nuzzles his nose into my hair and whispered those words that we’re not supposed to hear in these arrangements. But the truth is, and we both knew, that we did love each other. I don’t think loving someone is that hard to do–I’ve got a lot of love to give, you know? I teared up and let him hold me closer, and while I didn’t verbalize the usual reciprocate response, we both knew that I felt the same way.
Where could we go from there?
He had said multiple times that his wife is the love of his life, and I believed and respected that. We had booked a trip to one of his vacation homes, and before we left, we discussed how things needed to slow down after we returned back home. This information was like a third person that tagged along with us for the duration of the vacation. It was hard for me to truly let go and enjoy myself knowing that it was coming to an end. He became more distant and reserved.
Though our last night ended with the best sex we had had yet, our parting the next day was not the warm and teary-eyed smiles I imagined. Instead–he paid for a taxi to bring me home, rather than drop me off himself, and I avoided eye contact when he kissed my cheek goodbye.
We left things loose-ended, it was never “goodbye forever.” We’ve exchanged a couple texts since then, and here I am absolutely devastated. I let myself feel too much for my SD. It’s such a classic case of why to NOT fall in love in these arrangements–unless of course those intentions are clear from the beginning for both parties.
Stuck in Limbo
In embarrassing school girl-like fashion, I’ve sent a couple texts in the past couple days, all unanswered. My heart lurches every time I hear my phone, and it sinks every time when it’s not him. I suppose I’m writing post this for some sort of relief, to get it all out.
I also would love to hear any and all advice–how do I proceed? I know, rationally, that I should just stop hoping, let go, and move on. And I have been trying. I started my SeekingArrangement profile back up…and then I saw his profile as active, and was devastated all over again. And I’m sure he saw my profile, and now I’m worried what he thinks of me.
Is this just a case in which I should shake it off and move on? What are my options here? Sugar Sisters, I need your help.