When I decided to join the Sugar Bowl a year ago, after doing my research, I realized that not all SB’s have the same experience or similar stories. I’m not just the average Sugar Baby, I happen to be a Brown Sugar Baby. I will share with you what to expect when a Brown Sugar Baby joins the Sugar Bowl, as well as my experience as a Brown Sugar Baby.
I joined the Sugar Bowl December 4, 2015. Though my friends think I stumbled along the site recently, I heard about Seeking Arrangement in Lisa Ling’s “This is Life” documentary on the Sugar lifestyle. Confined to a strict household, where I knew I would not be able to go out on dates with strangers thanks to my parents, I tabled the idea until I moved out.
In a new city with an agenda to fill, I joined the site. I waited until I was completely disappointed with my prospects on Tinder and losing my first job. I told myself I would just give it a month, just to see how it is. My first month was filled with more rejection than I ever could have expected. I sent easily 15 to 20 emails a day, asking every question from “How are you?” to “I love the puppy in your picture!” All were hit with a read receipt and were a blow to my self esteem.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m under no delusions. I don’t get thousands of likes on Instagram, but I also have a healthy amount of self esteem. I work out, I am pretty handy with a makeup brush, and have rocked a number of fashionable hairstyles. Even on other dating apps I got a decent amount of responses, but on Seeking Arrangement I was striking out left and right.
I referred to YouTube, where Seeking Arrangement has a few channels offering advice on topics ranging from profile perfection to date preparation. Soon after, I updated my profile, I retook my photos and did my best to share my most authentic self. I wondered if it was this tough for all babes getting started in the Sugar Bowl. Any man I felt I would have had a chance with, had we met under any other circumstances, ignored my messages after checking my profile. I was unsure where I was going wrong.
Is my profile dull? Are my pictures too revealing? Are they not inviting enough? Is it my race?
After the study released by OKCupid, it was a reasonable question to ask. The findings revealing that Black women are the least replied to group definitely correlated to my experience. Being a black babe, it is an obstacle you will have to overcome. Yes, there are profiles that explicitly state you need not message them, so don’t. Instead, channel that attention on the thousands of profiles that seek you out specifically. They are out there! I have found them.
I have since come up with a theory– it is not scientific, but it is what I have come up with in my time on the site. Everyone falls somewhere between a 0-10 on the scale of attraction (That is not the theory, bear with me). A man may be a 6. He is not exceptionally ugly, nor attractive, landing in the middle. On any given day, this many could swing anywhere in between a 4 and an 8. He could meet her at work, at the gym, at the bar, and the odds are in his favor that he would get along just fine.
However, if you take that same man and put him on Seeking Arrangement, he will not want to pay for the company of a woman he can swing on his own. He could get another 6 on any given day. If he is investing his time and hard-earned money, he will want more bang for his buck
Don’t Be Discouraged
This is not to be discouraging. I do not want you to read this and decide, since do not look a certain way, that you should quit now. However, just the opposite. Yes, we all fall somewhere on a scale of 0-10. But my perfect 10 may not be your perfect 10, and yours may not be mine. There are more websites dedicated to one specific brand of beauty than one person can Google. No matter what you look like, no matter your interests, someone will think you are absolutely perfect as you are and the rest of us will fall far behind in comparison. The hardest part of the process is simply waiting.
It will always suck when we don’t get the response we have been hoping for, that is a fact of life. Rejection hurts. But just like in traditional dating, you do not want to dwell on someone who is not interested in you. You’ve got to stay sweet, whatever you feel shortcomings may be. As for the right Sugar Daddy, they will be a pro, trust me!