Dating While in the Closet

By Liam

Oct 25, 2016

Being in the closet is hard, especially so when you’re ready for a relationship. Outside circumstances and an unsupportive family or nerves can understandably make you not want to come out.

Becoming open with your sexuality is a process. Everyone needs to do at their own pace. However, that shouldn’t stop you from being in a happy and well structured Sugar relationship. My first two relationships were both before I was out. At times this was like trying to dodge lasers, Mission Impossible style.

I quickly learned dating someone who is out can bring sympathy and compassion from them, since they used to be in the same predicament. Below are some tips on how to handle dating while in the closet.

State Your Comfort Level

Perhaps he’s the first guy you’ve ever gone on a date with, or perhaps he is the hundredth. Either way, he needs to be aware of your boundaries. Receiving texts with ‘X’s or ‘O’s in them or even simply holding hands in public may be something that takes time. If he doesn’t have the patience, it isn’t worth the stress of rushing into something you’re not ready for.

I remember one date, a first date no less, the POT sat next to me and played with my hand while ordering food. Though the waitress didn’t bat an eye, it felt a bit uncomfortable for me. I spent much of the date with my eyes darting around the room.

I’m sure if I’d I told him, he wouldn’t have continued the touching. No relationship works without a great bond of communication, so communicate how you feel early on.

Be Similarly Open

As societal beliefs and in some case laws shift to favor LGBT, many older men are only coming out now. It’s very possible you could end up with a Sugar Daddy who is at the same stage of coming out as you. Perhaps he has told a friend, perhaps he has told no one. Either way you could take this big step together.

I once prepared what I want to say to my friends when I come out, as I am not all the way there yet. Looking for advice, I texted my (then) Sugar Daddy. We went out for a great meal and worked on my script together. He helped prepare me for all variables and reactions that may occur when I come out. Coming out isn’t a process you should have to do alone, and this could be a bonding and venting opportunity for you.

Don’t Force Him Back in the Closet

When dating someone who’s not 100 percent out, many men complain that they are being forced back into the closet. Don’t allow your anxieties to rub off on him. He shouldn’t feel like an embarrassment for being out, since he’s already open about his decision.

You should be comfortable with his level of affection, and not attempt to dodge his hugs or small advances. A dramatic reaction could be very off putting for him and may cause a drastic break up. This is where being upfront about what you are comfortable with becomes key.

On one occasion I ditched a goodbye kiss, and didn’t get another date. He wasn’t comfortable with me being uncomfortable, and it hurt me. Sometimes you have to understand that people want to date someone who is entirely available. Remember that concealing your sexuality might mean you are not that person.

Do you have any tips for Sugaring while in the closet?