The possibilities for an arrangement are endless. When mixing finances, romance, and two people with different terms, we are bound to make a mistake or two. Although, it’s not possible to always correctly identify a beneficial arrangement before it has begun, my experience with a Sugar Daddy who wasn’t able to keep his word has helped me to better assess whether other candidates are right for me. In the end, I made a choice for myself. This is why I don’t do per-meet arrangements.
The First Meet
When I met Dan, he was a down-to-earth man who was very busy with his consulting work. On our first date we had a nice dinner and easy conversation. After he made his interest clear to me and told me that he would only be able to meet me four times a month, and that he was accustomed to “per meet” financial arrangements. I was uncomfortable with this because I preferred a monthly allowance as I do not want anything (i.e. sex) to be expected on our meets. Monthly allowances are less transactional, and I’m sure you can understand why. Accepting a per-meet offer is blurring the line between escorting and Sugaring, which makes me uneasy.
Even though my intuition was telling me that I didn’t feel right about this situation, I tried to work through it. I believed that my uncertainty was both natural (I had only known Dan for a short period of time) as well as something to overcome. Throughout our discussion about the arrangement, Dan reassured me of his intentions. He reminded me that his last arrangement had lasted longer than a year. He promised to make me happy. In the end, I conceded to a “per-meet” arrangement, but only for the first month. I told him that I would trust him. He agreed to my desired allowance amount.
I felt as if the next meeting went well. We talked, drank and had another great, flirtatious time together. I couldn’t, however, shake the bad feeling I had when I took the money he offered me as we went our separate ways. A few days later, his communication slowed. I asked him about it and he apologized and said he was working too much and didn’t have much time to chat.
As we talked, I started to understand the situation better. I was disheartened when he told me that he couldn’t commit to how often we had initially decided we would meet. I hadn’t agreed to this kind of arrangement, and explained to him that it would be better if we end it. I wanted to bring his money back to him, but he insisted that I keep it. This time I stood firm with my instincts and when I finally gave the money back, a sense of relief washed over me. I knew I had done the right thing.
Through this misstep, I learned that I should always trust my intuition before I trust men whom I don’t know. My intuition will alert me if I am entering a risky situation. No matter what reassuring words a man might say, I have to trust myself over anyone else.
In addition, I realized that a “temporary” situation is sometimes code for “permanent.” How it starts could be how it ends, and I will never agree to a situation that makes me overly vulnerable to a man’s whims. Lastly, I learned that if I do not compromise my values, a man will have to accommodate me or move on. I do not have to cater to a Daddy’s self-preserving actions. I know myself, and my integrity. If a man can’t trust me, then perhaps he’s the one who isn’t trustworthy.
I have had many fulfilling arrangements after I ended it with Dan. I am grateful for this mistake because it taught me to trust myself and how to expect the men in my life to do the same.