Thursday night I went out for dinner with a promising POT. Tall, handsome and in amazing shape. He seemed to be the perfect catch. He Facetimed with me before the date and we even sent selfies back and forth on Snapchat and iMessage. Little did I know when I arrived just how much he really had to offer. Once I realized I was being offered an arrangement many Sugar Babies dream about, I realized why I don’t want to marry my Sugar Daddy.
Jason was an absolute whale of a sugar daddy. He was great shape and charming, I felt good sitting beside him. We started off with drinks and got to know each other at the bar. Then we moved on to the actual mealtime conversation. There were stares a plenty. As a Brown Sugar baby I have gotten used to ignoring the eyebrow raises and looks. Other sugar babies in mono-racial arrangements can at least pass their dates off as time spent with a family member. However, people see me, a young black woman in her 20s, with my POTs twenty years my senior, and obviously not my dad, they tend to get the picture fairly quickly.
What Are You Looking For
We got down to the knitty-gritty kind of quickly. He asked what I was looking for, then told me what he was looking for before I could even ask . Jason was looking for a wife. He wanted someone he could spend every weekend a month with. He wanted someone who would hang out with him and his friends and meet the parents. Despite his age, college football was his life and he expressed how much he loved tailgating before the games. “Would you be comfortable with me coming to your school for a football game?” he asked. “When do you think I would be able to meet your parents? What would you tell your friends when we are on trips together?”
Up until this point, all but one of my arrangements have been with married men. They like the discretion and so do I. We are both free to do as we please in our free time and everyone is aware of the deal. What Jason was offering was so foreign to me, I couldn’t control my reaction so I just sipped on my drink.
Not My Cup of Tea
Don’t get me wrong, I am not ashamed of being a Sugar baby. It is not information I broadcast but it is no secret either. A good number of my friends know what I do. I have introduced a few to the lifestyle and I keep them updated on dates. But what Jason wanted was a real girlfriend, monogamy included.
Thoughts of the guy I’ve been talking to for the past month kept rearing in my head. Meeting my friends and family is so important to me, I’ve only ever had one boyfriend. These are not things I want to do with someone who does not have my heart. Is an arrangement worth giving up the guy I think I have a real future with? How would I explain to my mom that I’m dating someone her age? There was no way around it, we wanted different things.
The Let Down
I didn’t want to waste any of Jason’s time so I told him right then and there that we were incompatible. For someone who one day wanted to marry their sugar daddy he is the perfect catch. However, that’s just not what I see for myself. I consider sugar to be my part-time job. It doesn’t pay my bills, it is just extra spending cash to cut down on credit cards and splurge here and there.
As stupid as I felt that night walking away from a dream arrangement, I know I did the right thing for me. Sugaring is fun and that’s all I want from it. I am not looking for my husband, or even a serious boyfriend. At the end of the day, I know myself well enough to know that I would’ve been unhappy in that arrangement. At the same time, looking at things from Jason’s point of view I understand where he is coming from. He is looking for something serious, he would feel like trash dating a girl who considered their relationship a dirty little secret. He doesn’t deserve that either.
Sometimes the most important aspect of sugaring is knowing what you don’t want. It is just as important as knowing what you do. Your arrangement is out there. Hold out for one that allows all parties to have their cake and eat it too. Now that’s mutually beneficial!