Friends With Benefits

By Lexie

Aug 12, 2016

The chemistry was undeniable. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. At least that’s what I thought. It later came to my attention that I was merely a friend with benefits. We met organically last fall and right away I could tell he was a very busy man. An ambitious businessman who had a genuine heart. He made it clear from the beginning that he wasn’t looking for a relationship, but overtime I thought his mindset would change since we clicked so well.

He was an affectionate, attentive and generous man – he was everything I dreamed of. I wanted more, but unfortunately, I fell into the FWB category.

No Sugar

In a typical arrangement one expects a monthly allowance, but in this relationship I did not receive one. I repeat, no allowance. Many of you are likely gasping in horror at this revelation. If he’s not providing financial support then why bother? Well, I saw him for who he was and genuinely enjoyed his company. I was starting to develop romantic feelings for him and it was quickly becoming apparent that he did not feel the same.

Genuine Friendship

We treated each other with respect and enjoyed discussing deep, intellectual topics. No matter who was talking, we both listened intently and gave each other the undivided attention we deserved. Ladies, pay attention to the way a man treats you. If he’s on his phone incessantly or is consistently disengaged take it as a sign that he may not be that into you.

Mentorship

This man is a few years older than me and had a wealth of knowledge. He became a go-to mentor for business advice. Any question I had he would answer honestly and patiently making sure I understood.

By the looks of it, one wouldn’t guess he’s one of the brightest people in the room. He’s a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy and is notoriously forgetful. We both shared something in common. An intellectual disability, an adversity that can be overcome and accomplishments can be made. He was more than just a friend, he had become one of the best business mentors and for that I am forever grateful.   

Real Deal

I began to develop feelings for him and this was a problem. He knew it, I knew it, we both knew it. My feelings were not going to be reciprocated, so I did what I knew I had to to do; I had “the talk”. A deep honest talk about how being FWB was just not working anymore.

Lesson Learned

He said he wasn’t ready for commitment, and although the feelings were mutual, getting into a relationship just wasn’t what he wanted. He wasn’t interested in taking the next step, and I wasn’t interested or able to go backwards. Knowing this, I made the tough decision to remove myself from the situation entirely. I couldn’t be a FWB anymore, so I walked away.
You can’t help who you love or how you feel. While I’m not suggesting that you deny any feelings for your SD, I do want to warn you of the potential outcome; he may just want to be friends with benefits.