Confessing to anyone that you have a sugar daddy is a challenging discussion. Imagine having this conversation with your new boyfriend. Well, I’ve been there. I ended up telling my boyfriend about my sugar daddy.
Keeping the Secret
I met my ex-boyfriend in June of 2015, while I was actively involved in the sugaring lifestyle. When we met, he had no idea that I was a sugar baby. I was out pub-hopping in Manhattan, and as I was walking from one bar to another, Seth approached me on the sidewalk.
“Excuse me,” he said, “do you know of any cool places around here to grab a drink?” We were in the lower East 50’s in Manhattan, which is chock-full of bars. I rolled my eyes and sarcastically replied “only five on this block” as I continued to walk past.
“Wait, do me a favor,” he said, as he began walking alongside me. “If you’re going to have another drink, do it with me.”
I stopped and took my first direct glance at him. He was easy on the eyes: 6’2”, average build, wavy brown hair, and blue eyes. I was intrigued, so I took him up on the offer.
Over the next few hours, Seth and I acquainted over not one, but five rounds of drinks. He was in his early forties, born and raised in an affluent Manhattan family (much the opposite of my working-class, small-town background). He seemed arrogant and cocky, but I was impressed by how he paid the tab and saw me to a taxi like a gentleman. We agreed to a second date.
The rest is history. Within a month, Seth and I had become potentially long-term fixtures in one another’s lives. There was just one issue: I hadn’t disclosed to him that I relied on sugar daddies for supplementary income. I was terrified that I would ruin my chances with Seth if I brought this up, although I knew it was wrong to have withheld this information from him for an entire month of courtship.
Telling my Boyfriend About my Sugar Daddy
One night, I finally took the plunge. Seth and I were discussing becoming “official”. It would’ve felt wrong to continue withholding the truth about my sugaring any longer. I wanted a relationship with Seth, and the only way it could happen was if I was honest.
We were at a pub, and he said “I don’t know why you’re so reluctant to be my girlfriend. You rarely come back to my place, and it would be nice to have a chill, romantic night there, free of bar noise.”
I took a deep breath, then impulsively blurted out “because I rely on sugar daddies to make ends meet. Yes, I have a ‘real job’, but you’re nuts if you think I can afford my apartment on my part-time bookkeeping wages and student loans. There, now you know. Sorry for not telling you until now.”
To my surprise, Seth reacted in a pensive, but not angry way. He looked like he was in deep thought. After a few moments of silence, he looked over at me and said “well, I still want to be with you. We just need to find a way around this, because I don’t want to share you, and I’m not going to be your ‘sugar daddy’. But if we’re a couple, a real couple, I don’t mind taking care of you.”
I was naturally on the defensive, despite Seth’s receptiveness to the bomb I had just dropped on him. I replied “oh, a way around it, huh? So I should get a full-time job and somehow keep up with my NYU curriculum? Easier said than done!”
Seth remained calm. “No,” he said, “that’s not what I was getting at. I was thinking we could spend the next month or two developing a relationship. In the meantime, I won’t judge you for having sugar daddies. But if things go well between us, you’ll eventually move in with me and transition out of that lifestyle. I’ll help any way I can.”
I was shocked. Never before had a man offered such a generous compromise. It almost made me feel guilty, but it also seemed fair. Not knowing how to respond, I thanked Seth for being understanding.
Our Time Together
“Here’s the way I look at it,” he said. “Other guys pay you for your time and affection. You’re carving out a parcel of time for me almost every night, with essentially nothing material to gain. I know your interest in me is authentic.”
For the next two months, I continued with my mutually beneficial arrangements; meanwhile, Seth and I continued to see one another regularly. He understood that leaving the sugar bowl is not usually an overnight transition, and was patient.
I was shocked at the lack of jealousy Seth demonstrated. When I asked if it bothered him that I had sugar daddies, he replied “you won’t for long, because I’m willing to pick up the expenses you need help with. I just need to know that you truly want a relationship.”
I moved in with Seth prior to taking an official break from sugaring, but he made good on his word to assist me with my living expenses. A month after moving in with Seth, I ended my arrangements. For a few months, we cohabitated blissfully. However, I began sugaring again before our relationship ended, and I shall cover this in a future blog.