This Sunday is even bigger than last Sunday. I care more about a flap bag than a football, but I do have to admit getting two football teams and Coldplay to open for Beyonce’s concert was pretty insane on her part (#QueenB), but I digress. This is a story ov a Valentine’s day the Sugar way.
This time last year I wasn’t with my current SD, so this is a story of the past. He planned a nice evening for us where we had dinner at Dovetail in NYC, brought me 2 dozen roses, and then we had two types of dessert if you know what I mean. Most girls would be very happy with this, because everyone says “it’s the thought that counts”, but honestly, I wasn’t pleased. At the risk of sounding too materialistic, I was obviously expecting a Chanel bag for my collection, a Tiffany’s bracelet, or something well…quite materialistic.
Now you may be reading this and being like “wow she sounds like a spoiled brat”, and yes I grew up an only child from a very wealthy family, so naturally I am spoiled, but don’t be quick to judge and keep reading! In my defense, at this point in our arrangement, he had been with me long enough to know that I have a taste for expensive designer items. Valentine’s Day is basically the national day of love, so I’m thinking: let’s match my love for expensive designer items with your financial ability to purchase me this expensive designer item and that makes a perfect evening for me (along with the dinner and dessert of course).
I’m not the one to make a dramatic scene or act like a crazy b*tch. Now that I’m 26, I’ve grown to handle bumps in arrangements or even with past relationships in a mature way. The week after Valentine’s Day I sat him down for a mature conversation and expressed my feelings about the situation because I wanted to hear his point of view on why he didn’t give me a gift besides the flowers. Walking into that coffee shop, I went in with tunnel vision because I didn’t really care what he had to say. Although I was still prepared to sit and listen, it was unacceptable to me that a gift did not accompany what has been labeled as the national day of love. However, I left our conversation with a different perspective.
To him, that’s exactly what this day was, a national day of love, however he interpreted this differently than I do. To him, Valentine’s Day was society’s commercialization of a holiday to boost the economy, and while he wanted to express his appreciation for me and show me that he did care about me and my obsession for February 14th, he didn’t feel like going over the top with an expensive piece of jewelry or a designer bag to “give in” to this commercialization.
I realized from our conversation, I may have overlooked that nuance in our arrangement because a random Thursday afternoon could result in a pair of Louboutins as well, so was it really a big deal that February 14th did not? I mean he always gave me gifts in addition to my monthly allowance. (Side note: if you haven’t caught on yet, Chanel and Louboutin are my two favorite brands).
Sometimes it is more about the thought that counts and maybe I was being somewhat over-dramatic to not take his thoughts into consideration (although it would have been somewhat helpful to know how anti-Valentine’s Day he was before then). During our discussion he admitted he was not clear about how he felt so it amounted to a lack of communication.
This segways into three important lessons in being in an arrangement: communication, compromise, and being mature in handling your differences. In this situation, we lacked proper communication that led to a less than ideal situation for me. However, I learned to be more compromising, and we were both mature in handling our differences by having an adult conversation about it (throwing a temper tantrum may have worked when you were 6, but not 26).
Also, many men want a woman who can handle a difference in opinion in a mature way and avoid drama and fighting. This is essential to maintaining a long-term arrangement and keeping things fun and light!
Now that Valentine’s Day is in four days, and I am with a new SD*, I am excited to see what he has planned for me. I’ve been been told it’s a surprise, and I usually hate surprises, but so far he hasn’t disappointed me with a surprise yet!
Happy Valentine’s Day ladies! (And if you don’t have a SD to be your Valentine, now is the perfect time to spruce up your profile on SeekingArrangement, but in the meantime you should treat yourself anyway even if it’s just a box of chocolates and wine!)
*Disclaimer: my previous SD and I did not end our arrangement over that discussion about Valentine’s Day. We were still together for a few more months.