Okay now this has little to do with SA or the changing(deteriorating)state of affairs therein. I have a habit of holding meetings with myself at odd hours of the night. I just came from one of such.
I discovered that:
1. I know exactly what I’m looking for
2. I’m looking in the wrong place
My idea of a SD is one who will make me feel secure and loved and acknowledged. That ideal stems from a vicious cycle of seeking validation from others. I have a lot in my life. A whole lot for someone at my level. I’m not saying that to brag(lots of you can swim in hard cash!) but to admit that I don’t need a SD. I need to get out of my head and make something interesting out of my life! I feel like a lot of the young girls who land on this path are also stuck at that step. I won’t attract a healthy person if my self esteem is unhealthy.
I also realized that if I do actually get a daddy at this point, he will be like a god to me. The moment that shiny exterior cracks and I see the man, I will bolt. And the search for a ‘better’ man will start all over again. When I will be ready to fall for the person and not the glamour, I will return.
Reading and interacting on LTS has been very stimulating. However I can’t promise myself that after looking at some members and thinking “Why, you are exactly what I’m looking for!”, I can resist the urge to jump back to SA. For that reason, I will stop taking the blog posts like over the counter painkillers.
Concerning the one person with whom my interaction seems to be heading (read crawling) somewhere, I’ll just wait and see what becomes of his never ending promises to be “great, bae”
Stay frosty everyone!
Well that was quite the revelation, deep soul searching is good for you.
Good luck on your endeavors.
Awesome post , NotSoNewbie. I can definitely relate and wish the best for you! I definitely feel like the SD’s love to have a sugarcoated illusion of an SB so they don’t have to deal with reality. We have very complex and difficult experiences to deal with. The guys on the site are definitely not ready for a real relationship, but that may the same for the women who use it too. We only mirror each other’s darkness. At the same time, the culture of tinder and social media make a real relationship even on friend level illusory. I hope you find the best in yourself and integrate your darker parts too. Maybe we can learn to love each other as people and not as escapes one day.
*dove divebombs me* oh well :p
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.