Home Sugar Support Forum™ Advice Diamond member, but still sus

This topic contains 10 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Ambrose Ambrose 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #27154

    jetsetj
    Participant

    Hey, so I’m messaging a “POT” right now. But it’s in quotes because the account is a guy/girl looking for someone to become “part of their relationship.” Their account is diamond, and background verified but I’m getting weird vibes. In the first message (the girl is the one messaging), she asked to exchange instagrams to learn more about each other, and I said I didn’t feel comfortable sharing social accounts before getting to know someone better. In the second message she shared her instagram and the guy’s, and said to let her know if I was more comfortable sharing mine after seeing theirs. She asked about my goals and what I was currently working towards, which I take as a good sign, but then the end of the message weirded me out: “Let’s connect via FaceTime or text, so we can get to know each other a little better. What’s your number? Oh, and what’s your name?”

    I’ve read here about how its generally not a legit when someone tries to get your contact info right away because they’re trying to avoid the 10 message limit, but this is a different situation. I don’t know if I should continue messaging her or back off because of the red flags.

    #27157

    sf_flowerchild
    Participant

    I usually say listen to your gut and if it makes you uncomfortable then don’t continue.
    However, I can also see why someone looking to add you into their relationship would want more information about you. I never give out my real name, even when I have already established an arrangement. I also have a phone number, e-mail, venmo, and snapchat specifically for sugaring. I recommend having separate accounts for sugaring as it can give you more safety if you decide to pursue a POT that you may not be too certain about. You can give this POT couple a fake name and your burner number and see how the conversation continues. I doubt scammers would be invested enough to have a diamond account but I would still thread carefully as a diamond account doesn’t automatically make someone a good match for you and they could still be weird or crazy. I wonder if you’re referring to a diamond member couple based in SF cause if so I haven’t heard anything bad about them through the local grapevine since I too was unsure about them.

    #27158

    LadyIpanema21
    Participant

    @sf_flowerchild

    So wait… even when you are in an arrangement you don’t give them your real name? How are you keeping this up?

    I would’ve loved to use a fake name due to the public nature of my job. I’ve only used one once when I realized I already knew a POT when he messaged me & I knew he gave me a fake name.

    #27164
    Ambrose
    Ambrose
    Participant

    Yet again this morning @sf_flowerchild has some great points. Just because an account is background verified or a Diamond member, doesn’t mean anything. The background verification is just a simple one. SA doesn’t really look into the person. So don’t think too much of it. And the Diamond, all they had to do was pay a one time fee. One that I do not believe they even offer anymore. If the situation feels off to you, just tell them you pass.

    #27187

    sf_flowerchild
    Participant

    @Ladypanema21
    I’ve learned to compartmentalize my life and so when I am with an SD I am my sugar name. It also sounds a bit like my real name so I can still feel comfortable responding to it. SDs aren’t giving me their real name either so I don’t feel bad about having my fake one. My arrangements have also made it easier to uphold it as they have all been married men and as such there’s an understanding that privacy is of upmost important. I don’t ask and so they don’t ask.

    #27188

    sf_flowerchild
    Participant

    It’s also a big safety thing as I have had some sour scammers try to doxx me after I’ve called them out. But all my pictures are solely for SA and my name as well so it leads to a dead end.
    Also with my arrangements I still have the concern that their wives could find out and want to take vengeance on me by attacking my social media or number so that’s why I keep all those separate accounts that could be deleted if such was the case.

    #27196

    Calababy
    Participant

    Can I ask how you handle covering travel expenses? Like if you are flying to meet someone? Do you have them venmo you with your fake name or do you pay for it upfront and have them pay you back?

    #27199

    jetsetj
    Participant

    @sf_flowerchild yeah its a couple based in SF, both pretty young looking with a long and interesting profile. You’ve definitely seen them. It was just weird how she wanted so much info before even really talking about anything. My instagram is my first and last name so I really don’t want to give it out to anyone from here unless I’m in a relationship. I have 18k followers so it’s not that I’m concerned with my privacy, it’s more that I don’t want these two worlds to collide. I want my existence in the bowl to be pretty hush… I use photos that I have online but I tried to reverse image search them and they didn’t show up. I should probably take new ones just for this though

    #27206

    sf_flowerchild
    Participant

    @Calababy I haven’t had to deal with that issue yet since I been opposed to traveling due to school and work taking priority. Though if that did come up I would probably ask for money to buy my own ticket. One, cause that way I can keep track of my flights and I wouldn’t have to worry about them cancelling my return flight last minute if things went sour. Two, to protect my identity and so I would have them venmo or google wallet to my fake account and transfer that over to my real one to pay for them. If I trusted them enough I would pay it myself and ask to be compensated in person later but that does run the risk of me not actually getting compensated for that flight. If it’s a short distance flight to SoCal or Seattle I wouldn’t be too upset but if it’s to NYC I definitely would want the money first. I hope this helps…

    @jetsetj Yea I definitely recommend keeping your sugar life separate from your regular life. Even if it’s not about privacy you’ll find it helpful for the days you want to disconnect from sugaring as it can be quite exhausting. And you wouldn’t have to worry about seeing an old SD pop up on your instagram feed. I think that couple might be antsy as they have been on the site looking for a sugar baby for quite a while. But I assume it is very difficult for a couple as I can see a real sugar baby intimidated at the prospect of dating two people. Though I still would listen to your gut.

    #27232

    Calababy
    Participant

    Thank you for the info!! That does help :)

    #27236
    Ambrose
    Ambrose
    Participant

    @Calababy
    Flying to meet someone is risky. The easiest way to get the ticket, for both of you, is to have him buy you a giftcard for an airline to use. That way it’s a little more assured on his end that you will use it for what is agreed upon. (Coming to see him) And he doesn’t really need any info from you.
    But… Always make sure you have enough money to get back home. Have enough for a hotel and food for a few days as well. If things turn sour, you can not count on him for anything. And do not place yourself in a sport to be taken advantage of because you are low on funds.
    I do not recommend traveling to M&Gs like this for less experienced SBs. There is so much that can go wrong. Make sure you download a google map of the area, so you can look at it offline. Know where to go if things do turn bad. And tell a friend where you are going, even if you don’t say why you are going.

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