Home Sugar Support™ Forum Advice Did i handle this right? Help i think i messed up!

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  silverallard 1 year, 5 months ago.

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    Ok. I’m kind of new on here…
    So, this man messaged me on SA saying
    he had an interest in me, since we share similar interests and asked me what i was looking for in a sd/sb relationship.
    If i found him attractive, etc. and how much was i looking for to get paid per meet and then what am i looking for monthly if things after went well.

    The thing is that i have expressed that i
    am not comfortable talking about financial matters via messaging and would rather make negotiations after our first meeting, as i would like to actually believe or not, get to know the man first also i don’t want to come off as greedy or anything.

    Another thing was that he explicitly told me what he likes sexually (not going into details,
    but think passionate and 50 shades-like) and
    if i felt comfortable doing these things.
    I coyly replied that im open to the idea but that
    i rather whisper what i secretly would like in his ear or some other time. He liked that, but then messaged me again openly asking me what i like sexually. He said to excuse him for his forwardness and that it’s SA. Is type of thing common in SA? When is an appropriate time to discuss sex? By no means am i a prude, shy or a kinkshamer. I’m a warm, loving sensual lady and open to the idea of sex. But only with a special man i have a long-time mutually loving, trusting and understanding connection. I am aware that in a SD/SB relationship there is intimacy involved later on. But, i want us to get to know each other (not just my body) and see if we at least have a connection first.
    I also practice and value privacy and discretion, I don’t like discussing those matters financial or sex over the internet as it may feel impersonal.

    I get it, i don’t blame the guy is a bit kinky.
    I felt an urge to tell him what i like but i don’t want him thinking i’m easy or anything.
    I just think that involving sex or talking about it early is a bit off putting, since there’s plenty of time for that and i dont want to ruin anything…
    I explained to him that I’m not looking for a pay for play thing (in case he thinks i’m a hooker)
    and that im open to trying anything sexually but only with one special man that again has a longtime mutual connection and attraction.
    I provided my number in case he wanted to talk about these things. He hasn’t messaged me or called me yet. Maybe i regret telling him this…
    I don’t if i should message him again telling him what he wanted… Did i handle this correctly or did i scare him off by not telling him openly? What should i do?

    I could provide some details in what he sent me over SA but privately in a message but personal details hidden to protect each others identities of course…


    Any guy who you feel is too forward about sex, might just be looking for a little fun and not a SR. (Some sexting/pics or a one night play) Try to avoid those that want to talk about it immensely before the M&G.

    But only with a special man i have a long-time mutually loving, trusting and understanding connection.
    You might have been mislead as to what SRs are. Only 1 out of 200 (honestly it’s closer to 500) are looking for platonic. The rest are looking for sex by date 2 or 3. (not counting the M&G) And those dates where the SB is “unsure”, those “warm up dates” are almost always un-gifted. It’s not that “there is intimacy involved later on”. There is intimacy basically from the get go. Where ever you have heard/seen this has been giving you bad advice. Sadly most places give really bad advice about what to expect, and what is real in the Bowl. Try to avoid anything off tumblr/IG/reddit.

    Pay for play, is different than pay per meet. PFP is a once off. PPM is just another way to pay out the allowance. PPM is the more likely way any SD you talk to will offer the allowance.

    He was wrong to make most of the chatting about sex. But you were wrong in your views about sex in the Bowl. Not your fault, bad advice. Take this whole thing as a learning experience.



    Yes, that sort of talk is pretty normal on SA. Bear in mind that many men spend hundreds of dollars just to subscribe to the site. Most are not millionaires (even if they say they are). If you think about it, a millionaire doesn’t need a site like SA.

    Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with insisting on boundaries about what you say on SA. Meet in public in daytime and discuss it.

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