Home Sugar Support™ Forum Sex Do you discuss sex with your POT before meeting?

This topic contains 9 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by bsummer bsummer 10 months, 3 weeks ago.

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    I’m talking with a POT a lot and he started asking questions about my sexual preferences.
    He asked me first if I was fine with him asking.
    I think it’s good to be on the same track… so I understand the question. And he asks very detailed questions…

    But still it feels very personal and I was wondering if anyone has experience with this.

    Do you talk about the does and don’t in your sex life with a POT?

    Is he expecting me to have sex with him on the first date?

    Has anyone done BDSM before and willing to give me some tips? I’m considering trying it out.


    Kinky Geeky Girl

    I wouldn’t discuss anything on the computer (including videochat, which can be recorded), that you don’t want a paper trail for. Personally, if I’m getting involved with anything BDSM I want a paper trail. I consider the safety of having evidence of what I did and did not agree to ahead of time in the instance that I am assaulted far outweighs any embarrassment that I would feel if the record got out. However, I would not want a paper trail for, and therefore would not discuss anything financial, and if he tries to just say something along the lines of “While I feel comfortable discussing sex to see if we are compatible, I am not prostituting myself. I appreciate any gifts you may want to give me, and if you want to talk about what types of gifts I like, we can do that once we meet and decide that we like each other.”

    As for BDSM, I have a lot of experience, some good, some bad. If you are not a person who is very comfortable being assertive and telling someone no when you don’t want to do something then you should definitely not try it out. If you are assertive enough to do that then you need to think of your safety. If he’s into BDSM tell him that you need to get to know him very well in a vanilla sense before you’re willing to do any kink with him. If you do decide to engage in kink with him I would suggest that at least for a while you have a “no bondage” rule; because once you’re tied up or strapped down he can really do whatever he wants to you regardless of what you want. Same thing for gags, which take away your ability to safeword or say no.

    If you’re really serious about trying it out I’d suggest joining fetlife.com which is kind of like an anonymous kinky facebook. It’s mostly discussion groups for different interests (more than you could possibly imagine, rule 34), and there are also groups for newbies, and advice groups, as well as what some warning signs may be. A really good site that is just informational is https://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html. It has definitions, safety tips, how to guides, and lots of other good stuff.

    But, and I can’t stress this enough, it doesn’t matter how experienced in BDSM he is, some stuff is dangerous no matter what, and you should never ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable, even if that makes you vanilla.


    I don’t talk about sex before the first or second date. My current SD tried to get me to do sexting with him after the first date but I said I wasn’t comfortable with sexting and that he will know how I am in bed once we get intimate. He respected my boundaries and waited until we had sex and now I want his sexy body even more. lol. My advice to you is be a little mysterious before the first date and guys will be more interested in getting to know you.



    My POT and I did not discuss sex per say before the first date, just because I wanted to get to know him (hobbies exc.) before discussing sex although he was more than willing to. This allowed for the first meeting to be the start of our sexual chemistry which was rewarding in many ways.



    Uh oh, does this mean I ruined everything? My pot and I discussed intimacy last night, and today I sent a sext. We haven’t met yet, and we’re long distance. I think I screwed up… 😑



    Is it a bad thing if a POT discusses with you and asks how kinky you are and do you like certain things because he has certain taste and want to know if you can handle it? But like going into full detail of the sexual desires? Or should i be worried? He claims to have a live in sugar baby already and sent pictures of her for me to see but doesn’t really seem interested in much else besides the sex. He is out of state from me so I asked him what we would be doing when I arrive and he mainly talked about what me and the other baby would do together like shopping or getting our hair done stuff like that but he didn’t include himself. Does this sort of thing happen? Please help thanks.


    Does this sort of thing happen? Are you asking if women travel out of state to meet up with a ‘random internet guy’ for the first time with the expectation ( at least from his side ) that you’ll be spending most of your time engaging in some pretty specific kinky sex? I’m sure it happens. But it sounds dangerous to me, and not really a sugar relationship.

    It really depends what you’re looking for, but if it is an ongoing SR, you shouldn’t be committing to sex the first time you meet up. Also not putting your safety into the hands of someone who’s already giving you red flag vibes.



    I msg with a POT last night. It was our time but a somewhat long conversation. In the middle of it , no actually more towards the beginning after requesting to see my private pictures he asked if I liked big cocks. I told him I prefer good conversation and he behaved for the rest of the night. I’m more than sure he just wants to give me dinner and have sex with me so I’m moving on.



    Deleted as I didn’t realise the actual OP was from 2016, oops.


    This is so helpful knowing that other people are going through this. I haven’t talked to one potential sugar daddy without him asking me my sexual preferences within the first five texts.

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