Home Sugar Support Forum™ Relationships Does my SD trust me or not?

This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Lajollie 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

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  • #32131

    Lajollie
    Participant

    While I was walking to his kitchen, I saw his bag pack sitting on the bar stool. There were 2 white envelopes sticking out of a small pocket. I immediately became curious, and wanted to know what was inside … then I thought to myself “hey that’s wrong don’t look in there” but then I looked inside the envelopes anyway. Both envelopes contained some money for his other sugar babies. I proceeded to count the money in the envelopes by simple curiosity. I didn’t want to get caught so I quickly put the envelopes back before he could catch me in the act. I think he suspected that I had Seen the envelopes. He moved his bag pack and put it in his closet. Ever since that day he doesn’t let me near his bag pack. It makes me feel horrible inside because I feel like he doesn’t trust me. Now, I was never going to steal the money; I’m not a thief. I regret counting the monies. I wish I hadn’t. Every time he tells me I’m going to my closet to get something; you don’t have to follow me. I feel badly inside. How do I tell him the truth without wrongfully incriminating myself as a thief. I would hate for him to think of me as one. It makes me so sad. I feel like he used to think highly of me but now he doesn’t.
    Should I even bring it up at all for discussion?
    Please help me!🙁 Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

    — Lajollie

    #32134

    Inamorato
    Participant

    All relationships need trust. I think I’d actually have more negative feeling towards someone who broke that trust by opening sealed envelopes for their own curiosity, over someone that just stole some money from me. A theft of cash openly on display would be a disappointment. Rifling through my personal belongings is more of a violation.

    I don’t know anything about your SD or your personal relationship. Presumably he’s open about the fact that there are other SBs? There’s a possibility that he only has suspicions that the envelopes were opened, and doesn’t know for sure. I don’t think you have anything to gain by starting the discussion yourself. Try to put it behind you and keep your curiosity under control in the future. Focus on making his life better and he’ll forgive your indiscretions.

    #32135

    Lajollie
    Participant

    Yes he is open about the fact that he has other Sugar Babies. I agree with you that he probably felt so violated. I didn’t think about how my action will make him feel. That was terrible of me.
    You are right! I’m not going to bring it up any longer. I should focus on making his life better.

    One good sign is that since that incident, we have spent some time together. He is continuing to tell me that I’m wonderful and awesome. I’ll just have to get used to him hiding his bag pack from me. It’s probably for the best. I’m the one who’s at fault, and he has every right to protect his belongings.

    Thank you so so much for your reply. Your response has helped me tremendously.

    #32184

    Icebag
    Participant

    The question is really whether you trust him or not. Your behavior and attitude was selfish and possessive. If you had discussed AND agreed to an exclusive arrangement I could see your concern (barely). If not it is foolish and naive for you to assume that your arrangement is exclusive.

    You say that you “think” he knows. Oh, he knows. I’m puzzled as to why he still sees you.

    What you did was outrageous. You blatantly violated his privacy! Where are you going to snoop next? His phone? Wallet? Pants pockets?

    You say you saw his bag. Then you visually scanned the contents Why? Then you noticed 2 envelopes. Could be his mail! No, plain envelopes. Could be lunch money for his kids! No, you decide it’s
    MONEY FOR OTHER SBs!!

    Then you remove the envelopes and examine them knowing that what you’re doing is wrong. You continue with your detective work and go as far as counting the money inside! Not only do you have an issue with his seeing another SB but you also need to compare the allowance amounts!

    And you rationalize this behavior because you’re not a thief! Good grief.

    I would never trust you again and would dump you like a hot potato.

    You need to work out your distrust issues because they are going to negatively impact every relationship you have. You’ve built this relationship on a foundation mistrust and it’s likely been irreparably damaged.

    #32204

    Lajollie
    Participant

    Actually we had never discussed or agreed to an exclusive or non-exclusive relationship.
    Maybe we should have but I didn’t know that I would develop strong feelings for him. I honestly care a lot for him.

    I do admit to my wrongful act wholeheartedly. It was selfish and inconsiderate, rude, and wrong of me to do what I did.
    The whole thing has been difficult on my heart. Believe me I am still dealing with the emotional ramifications of my actions. You bring up a good point about me. I need to do some self reflection. Thank you so much for your response. I so wish that I had listened to my inner voice that was warning me not to do it.
    I have learned a great deal from my mistake, and feel deep inside me the urge to never repeat it. I’m going to forgive myself and move on to working on becoming a better person, and making better choices.

    I feel ashamed but I know I can do better…

    #32216
    SilverSable
    SilverSable
    Participant

    You made a mistake. Learn from it and don’t do it again.
    Now, you need to focus on improving him his life. You will have to earn back any lost trust through your actions. Prove yourself worthy of his trust.

    #32239

    Lajollie
    Participant

    Thank you so much Silversable; I will work on earning his trust back again. I don’t care how long it takes me. He has been super good to me. I’m so fortunate to have him in my life. I’m thankful he didn’t abandon me.

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