I started my account two days ago, and already have a date this upcoming weekend. I was not expecting to have a date this fast, and I did not mentally prepare myself lol.
What are some tips or general DO’s and Don’ts?
On a M&G you have a few goals:
1. Show that you both are who you say you are (are the pictures real)
2. See if there is chemistry between you
A M&G should always be at a public place (not at his house or a hotel room). And I usually like something short, meet for coffee or a kick lunch. It doesn’t take long to establish that the above two things are true.
Assuming those things work out you need to agree upon the specifics of the arrangement. I usually like to figure out the financial side before the M&G so I know we aren’t wasting our time, but it’s just as valid to do it at the M&G or after. Either way you need to know what the allowance is, how it will be given (is it a PPM or monthly), how frequently you will meet, what a typical date would look like (meet at a hotel during the day, dinner and back to his house in the evening, etc, what he would like from a SB and how much contact he prefers.
Until an arrangement has begun (ie: he has given you an allowance) there shouldn’t be any intimacy, and you shouldn’t move forward with a date beyond the M&G. If he gives you any lines about wanting it to feel “natural” or wanting a “test drive” he is wasting your time.
Which leads us to the biggest rule of being a SB. Trust your instincts. If it begins to feel off to you, walk away. It doesn’t matter what has been agreed on, you can leave any time you want, and you should if you are ever not 100% comfortable.
@davidsd gave great pointers.
Building upon that, If you get as far as discussing allowance make sure to state your non-negotiable and boundaries. You have to be on the same page to move forward. Specifically, make clear where you stand on condoms as it is a point of contention for many.
Try to concentrate on getting to know the person and exit quickly on the high note. I do not discuss specific allowance and terms on a M&G. If he is interested he typically text write away and the conversation can continue another day over lunch.. Or, if he prefers, that sometimes is started via text.
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Know what you are doing for the first meeting.
A Meet and Greet should be 15 minutes to 30 minutes for coffee, etc. That is something quick where you basically are both making sure there is interest in more. You should dress to show yourself off (dress and some sort of heels appeal to me most), but can be relatively casual/relaxed.
If it is a date (e.g. dinner), then you want to be more upscale and realize it will be more like an interview. You will want to be ‘on’ for the duration to convince him you fit and both want to go farther.
In both cases @davidsd‘s advice for a public place, etc. are excellent.
You mentioned following:
Until an arrangement has begun (ie: he has given you an allowance) there shouldn’t be any intimacy, and you shouldn’t move forward with a date beyond the M&G.
So you give an allowance first and she become ghost. Some thread say don’t give an allowance before intimacy.
You are NOT paying for sex. She can leave at any time, and for any reason she wants. She is not obligated to do anything. I would never send the PPM before the date (if she asks for this she is scamming you). But if she shows up for the date the PPM is sitting there for her, it is hers and she doesn’t owe me anything for it.
Keep in mind the SD is risking “wasting” $500. The SB is risking accepting a new sexual partner with the possibility of getting ghosted afterwards. How many times will $500 pass through your hands in your lifetime? Many more times than she will have sexual partners. She is the one taking the real risk, don’t worry about your money. Even when a SB has gotten her PPM and been ghosted afterwards I don’t know of a single case where the SB wouldn’t give the PPM back to have had it never happen. They are putting a lot more trust in us than we are in them, respect that.
You don’t have to continue the arrangement if you don’t want (like you I also prefer PPM for this reason). But you should be prepared for the possibility of being dissapointed for an evening. There are also girls that will attempt to draw out as much money as possible while always promising intimacy without ever providing any (we call them rinsers). Pass on those girls quickly.
But you may be out a PPM a few times in your SD life on what you feel like we’re wasted dates. That’s okay, I have certainly been through that. You can’t control her side anyway. Provide your PPM, be kind, respectful and good company for the evening and at least you will know that you have done your part to make the date work.
@davidsd Thanks for mentioning the SB side and the fear of being ghosted. That is one of my fears and I’m sure some other SBs as well. To give yourself to a guy intimately expecting that he will be honest about wanting to be in a serious SR and them have him ghost is so mean and cruel.
The guys who do this make it hard for a SB who is looking for a SR and have probably caused some to just walk away from trying to sugar all together.
@Malina I think stating that you’re non-negotiable is an awful way to start a date. Within reason everything should be negotiable, shouldn’t it? If a POT SB said I want x and it’s non-negotiable I would get up and leave! Such a take-it-or-leave-it attitude is not going to result in a positive SR.
I think it depends on the way that conversation is handled, and what those boundries are. I certainly want to know honestly what the SB is open to and what she isn’t, so doing that early is great for me. And I’m upfront about mine as well.
As long as it’s a fairly short and reasonable list it shouldn’t be a problem. As Malia mentions a SB can mention that all sex will be safe. I’ve had SB’s tell me that discretion is very important therefor they will never host. Some that will never travel, some that are open to it. Some that have some scheduling conflicts, others that are more open.
Understanding all of those things will help make sure no one is wasting their time. But if she is demanding or entitled in the way she communicates this then i agree with you and i’d leave too.
@icebag what’s wrong with having non-negotiable boundaries? I know myself and know where my lines in the sand are and I’d rather not waste anyone’s time by stating them upfront. For example: I’m never going to have condomless sex with an SD; if an SD had the attitude that everything was negotiable I would take that as a sign that he doesn’t respect my right to say “no” and I’d be happy to get up and leave at that point too.
I wonder if you’re reading Malia’s sentence as “If you get as far as discussing allowance make sure to state you’re non-negotiable and boundaries.” which would mean that the specific allowance amount stated was non-negotiable while I assume that she meant to say “If you get as far as discussing allowance make sure to state your non-negotiable(s) and boundaries.” which would refer to the boundaries being more non-negotiable?
I may have misunderstood. Safety should never be negotiated, certainly. Condoms are a must for me. I think it’s important to be flexible when discussing an SR , lest one spends years looking for the perfect match.
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