Home Sugar Support Forum™ First Meetings First Meet…He won't come to me?

This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  silverallard 8 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #13211

    BrownBrulee
    Participant

    Greetings Sugar Bowl Babies,

    I have a dilemma. I was set to meet a nice gentleman for dinner tomorrow. I asked if we could meet somewhere close, since my car is in shop and I will be taking uber. He asked if I would meet him on his side of town which is an hour away. He offered me his spare room at his house to stay if our dinner ran late.

    My problem is he never addressed meeting half way and why does he insist on me meeting him on his side of town? Honestly, that drive is out of my budget. It seems he would have offered to pick me up and pay for an uber back.

    I told him I feel more comfortable if we meet somewhere in the city and he has not text me back. What gives? What did I do wrong?

    #13217
    Ambrose
    Ambrose
    Participant

    Well, this is odd. He is just looking for a one night stand here. The moment a SD offers to head back to his place (by offering you his spare bedroom) think of it as a major red flag. He is just looking to get laid. I think you should walk away from this guy and move on.

    The odd part is… he’s not really wrong about you coming to see him. I know SBs don’t want to hear this, but the M&G (meet and great) is an interview. You should be able to cover your own costs. If you can’t, that is a major red flag that you might not be ready for the Bowl. Most SDs are going to want you to travel to them during the SR at their schedual. If you don’t have the extra $10-15 you need for gas just for a M&G, then why would they think you would during the SR? I never pay, not even uber, for the M&G. However, if things go well I give a small $$ gift at the end of the M&G. Even if I have no intention of starting a SR with her.

    Long story short, if you are this strapped on cash you may wish to spend your time looking for a job first. Using the search function in the top left, look up Dealing with a Financial Snag by @Malia. It’s wonderful and is a must read for all new-ish SBs.

    #13226

    BrownBrulee
    Participant

    Thanks. It is just the wrong time to meet him. I have a job, but I have a “budget” too. I’m in the middle of moving and wrapping up the school semester and all this is costing money (obviously). And I wish it was just $15–20 we were just talking here. More like $50 for an uber ride one way (yikes!).

    But overall, I get it. Its the principle here, and I think I should take his “spare room” invite as a red-flag for first meet.

    Thanks again for your advice.

    #13236
    Ambrose
    Ambrose
    Participant

    I get you have a job, and might be tight financially. It sucks for SBs, but the Bowl is really about making the SD happy and excited to see his SB. If you are trying to get into the Bowl because you are tight on cash, you are going to end up not being happy. As I stated, read @Malia‘s blog “Dealing with a Financial Snag”. It should be required reading before any SB attempts to join the Bowl.

    If you don’t have a car, and wish to try and be a SB in your city then you are going to have to look into public transportation.

    #14854

    silverallard
    Participant

    He probably want to meet you on his turf and doesn’t want to spend money traveling to you because he has to spoil you on top of that expense. Most men on SA aren’t as wealthy as you think.

    I would not meet anybody on his terms only. Compromise or your terms or forget it. If it’s all his terms, it will be that way during the relationship.

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