I had an SD message me saying he travels to my area once a month, and wanted to meet. He also said that at our first meeting, he wants to give me a large sum “to show he is serious”. Am I right to be suspicious?
Did he say how much?
It does sound a little suspicious, but I don’t know if I would let it bother you to much. I wouldn’t let it sway your opinion one way or the other. I’m usually quick to gift as well because I don’t like people wasting my time and I want to be clear that I’m not wasting hers.
I should mention, if he wants your bank information to give you this gift, he’s a scammer.
He said $2000, which I feel is quite high to begin with, let alone to offer when we haven’t even talked yet.
You’re right to be suspicious. It seems unlikely that a POT would show up to a M&G and hand over $2000 in cash. Very few SRs start with a full allowance up front, and $2000 is a lot of money for a PPM in any location.
But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t meet with him if the rest of your communication seems fine. Just be very careful to look out for other red flags, and count the cash carefully if he expects you to go back with him straight after the meet. I’ve read a couple of stories from SBs that were handed thick envelopes and being told ‘here’s the $2000 I promised you’. After a few hours back in the SD’s hotel room, the SD leaves and SB opens the envelope to find sheets of cut up newspaper.
Yeah, I agree with Inamorato. It is a lot of money. I wouldn’t run away just because of that, but be careful.
I suspect one of two things. He is either all talk, in which case don’t get to wrapped up in the opportunity. Until you have money in hand he is just someone you are talking to. If he starts to use the promise of money as leverage (asking for pictures, phone sex, etc), walk away.
Or, he is real and he’s going to expect some intimacy on the first meet. This is especially likely if he is only in town once per month and he’s doing so much to show that he’s good on the financial side. If you decide that you are open and comfortable with this the please do a couple things:
1. FaceTime with him before the meeting. You need something more than a voice call where you can see his face, talk and make sure he is who he says he is.
2. Start at a public location. Don’t meet in a hotel room, meet for dinner at the hotel resteraunt first. Someplace you two can sit and make sure the chemistry is there.
3. Be clear that if the chemistry isn’t there the date will end after dinner, and if that happens you won’t be accepting the allowance. Make sure he is okay with this, men who start to argue this are not the type of men you want as SD’s.
I actually am going to disagree with the other posters here. It sounds too good to be true – so it is.
You have a bunch of red flags – he’s not local (okay, not red flag but a bit of a yellow). He wants to give a ‘large sum” of $2k (red flag), and he wants to show he’s serious (red flag, if I’m serious my actions will show it). What’s the expectation on the M&G? 15 to 30 minutes? Dinner then intimacy? Will he meet you to judge chemistry, hand over the $2k and be okay for you to leave with it and not see him again if the chemistry is not there? It sounds much more like someone who wants to be a recurring John when he visits. It is just not passing the sniff test for me.
Actions should be read over words/promises. Showing he’s serious would be the conversations to get to know you first, and then a week or a few days before coming to visit a token gift via PayPal/Venmo/etc. (say $100 to $200) that would allow you to spoil yourself and perhaps be ready to meet him. It’s much less risk than $2k in cash at a Meet and Greet when you might decide the chemistry is not there for more.
I agree with @SFwinefan , it doesn’t seem kosher. Even if an SD were willing to pay an SB $2k at the first meeting, no SD in his right mind is going to tell the SB this in advance, they’re going to wait to meet the SB first otherwise they’re just setting themselves up to get rinsed. On the flipside, ask yourself “what kind of gift would an SD have to give me that I’d know he is serious” at a first meeting? That number is a lot smaller than $2k!
Totally fake but I would personally entertain him just to see what his endgame is.
Yep when big money is offered it’s usually BS. As for good faith money, I have done that but at a much lower level and presented in a much more tactful way.
To show I’m for real, I offer lunch on me and $50 for her time. Experienced SB will already have something like this in mind. Usually I’ll discreetly pass an envelope shortly after we are seated. I leave it unsealed so she can glance inside without having to tear it open. I choose wisely and the few I’ve dated have turned out well. If it turned out she had used fake or out dated pics, I’d be very unhappy but probably prevent a scene by giving her the $50. I can live with 50, but I would have to make a scene if it was more.
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