Home Sugar Support Forum™ First Meetings Got two m&g scheduled and not sure what to expect


This topic contains 12 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by DavidSD DavidSD 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

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    I’m meeting a potential SD on Sunday evening and then another one on Wednesday evening. As it’s in the evening I’ve agreed on dinner for both of them, and I’m now realising that it’s not very conventional for a first m&g.
    Now the question is whether or not I should be prepared to pay for my own dinner? I personally expect the person I’m meeting to pay for dinner, but is this me expecting too much? I’ve also made it clear to both that it’s a date to see if we want to take things further, not to hook up.
    What should I expect? To any SD on the forums, what are you prepared to do for a first m&g?



    It’s possible they’re POTs who don’t have much time, don’t like wasting time, and want to hash things out on the M&G. And they should pay for the dinner. I would be prepared for them to try to talk you into more after dinner though…they may think that once an arrangement is agreed upon, that the arrangement begins then and there. Just remember, an agreement doesn’t begin until you have money in hand, and stick to your guns about it being a M&G.



    If a SD has invited you to dinner for a M&G, he expects to be paying. If he can’t afford to pay for a platonic dinner for the two of you, he certainly can’t afford to be your SD. You should expect him to directly pay for any expenses incurred during a M&G or followup platonic dates initiated by him until you come to an arrangement. Don’t expect him to pay for your expenses in getting to the date ( travel, clothes, manicures ), but be pleasantly surprised when he offers.


    They should definitely pay for dinner, but an SB should not expect a PPM or gift for a M&G/first meetup situation.

    Since it’s the first time meeting, even if it’s a full dinner date, they should not expect or insinuate that you end up in a hotel room. Treat it like a shorter or more casual M&G. Decide if you connect, click, like each other’s looks and manner, and if all goes well, commit to a second date, at or after which you can discuss allowance/arrangement if you both still enjoy each other. The worst that can happen here is that you’re stuck finishing a whole meal instead of one drink together if you don’t fancy each other.

    Feel no pressure to commit to a second date even if he buys dinner. If all he bought were a cup of coffee, if you don’t click you still don’t click. There is no arrangement until you’ve discussed and settled on the financial details. There is no expectation of intimacy until you’ve discussed and settled on the financial details–and those financial details have been delivered on!



    Yeah, this is pretty much what I’m expecting. Thank you all for calming my nerves! x


    POTs are expected to pay for dinner. As others noted, it’s likely they will try to make a move to accelerate intimacy. (That’s why I typically do M&G over quick coffee or lunch to set the tone)
    Good luck on your M&G. Here are a few links to my related blogs. If they are of any help, please support with a like (heart icon)






    100% the guy should pay for the meal.
    You have good answers but here is a few tips.

    -when the bill arrives excuse yourself to the lady’s room. (If you see the wait person coming with the bill before he does that’s a perfect time to powder your nose.

    – learn about the restaurant before going. How it’s laid out, how many doors do they have, where are the bathrooms. It helps if you would like to end things quickly.

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by SouthernSD SouthernSD.


    Personally I prefer a meal for a first meeting. Various reasons.

    Some have changed from just a drink to a meal, which I always see as a positive as they have planned to see you, 20 mins, however they decided to spend more time with you due to your personality etc.

    Again I personally like to SEE that they have paid the bill and so there is no tap on shoulder as you leave!
    Some restaurants have wonderful ways to present the bill and that becomes a topic of conversation, adds to the experience of dining there.

    Recently I had the offer of a first meeting evening restaurant, and he said about arrangements to stay over.
    Ideal time (again) to ask about expectations, eg how many times to meet, what type of meetings, gift/allowance.

    They said we can discuss it at the meeting.

    Due to ‘wonderful forum’ and how some SD say this is all discussed before hand and they have that ready should a first meeting progress…
    I stated that they had mentioned if the meeting progressed, however if these things are not discussed they can not be prepared should it progress!!
    No further messages…



    I agree with most of what’s been said (dead set against full dates for first meets) but thought I’d add one thought. You ask about being prepared to pay for your meal. You should be prepared for being stood up. If he’s not there when you arrive what do you plan to do? If you get seated and waiter spends time on you and the POT never shows up, what then?



    As I have been stood up so many times….

    If meeting at a landmark, I wait there.

    If a restaurant (I usually message to say I have arrived let me know when you are here) I do not go to the exact location until a text to say they are there, where are you?
    I have been near by, for example a shop next door, I always try to be a few minutes early of course.

    The rare times I have gone into the restaurant as they are delayed in traffic, trust me completely reasonable where I live, I have just ordered a drink that I can easily pay for if stood up.

    Being stood up, I have never sent a nasty message, just drawn a line and moved on.

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by  TCM.


    Just bored ATM, so thought i would give a What everyone seems to thin is a Splenda Daddy” Point of View,

    Their are some comments on here that well i wont mention unless someone wants me to?

    But that being said no you shouldn’t be paying for your meal on a first date/M&G, a Gift isn’t always expected but nice, i would always give something, even if it is pathetic.



    What I’ve found annoying for the M&G is that some SBs are asking upfront to be compensated for their time. For me that just throws off the whole mood before it even starts.


    It’s really a time saver, you get to drop those girls immediately and know that it would never work out.

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