Home Sugar Support™ Forum First Meetings He comes on too strong?


This topic contains 9 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by  TCM 1 year ago.

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    Hello babies,
    So i have been talking to this POT for the last few days.
    And from the beginning of our chat, i can see that he’s an outspoken and talktative person.
    He is polite, respectful, open minded and intelligent. Overall an interesting one.

    It was our second day of chat when he asks if he could send me a flower for my birthday gift.
    Which then i have it delivered to my door soon after.

    He never asked for pics nor send me any of his. Which that being said. I have no idea how he looks like at the time he asked me to meet him up in the next few days.

    I met him in person yesterday.
    And oh boy, the first thing i know was i’m surprised by how he looks like, i was expecting an old big man with a big smile and warm such.

    And all i see was an attractive in shape metrosexual guy, with a sharp and intimidating bad guy kind of face he has. I kind of feel like he is out of my league though. And it makes me self conscious somehow.

    He talked a lot. Like really talkative. With smirks in betweens. I started to feel like he comes on so strong.
    That makes me feel like overwhelmed.
    He said that he likes everything in his life to move all fast.

    I don’t feel that he is all into me by his face expressions though. Or i maybe can be wrong because later then he told me that he would like to try to pursue things with me. Followed by a question if i do want to do it too. Which i replied with “i’ll think about it”.

    I’m still all puzzled really. Because i feel like the words he chooses seem like don’t match his expression at all. Sweet words with such evil expressions. Which then makes me wondering if this guy being sincere or not.

    I mostly just listen to him talking and not really talk a lot myself as i feel like i’m proceeding too much things in my head at the moment.

    He treats me good actually. And the fine dinner ended up with him walk me out to my uber with a lil hug that he gave me which i made it pretty awkward lol.

    Few mins after i jumped into the car, he called me. Asked if all good and if i’m happy and to let him know when i made it home.
    He called me again the next 15 minutes ish that i didn’t pick up cause i still felt all overwhelmed.

    When i got home i got multiple texts from him asked if i got home yet, said that he worried and such.

    Told him that i made it home safe. He said that he’s glad to know that and told me again to think about what he’s told me earlier about whether i want to do it with him or not.

    So afterall, i really do enjoy how he treats me. I admire his intelligence. But i don’t know why that i feel like there’s something off here. Which scared me.

    And makes me wondering if this guy is worth it, and if we’ll get along well. And if he’s all genuine enough so far.

    I’d like to hear any opinion that you guys have about this POT. Any insights?



    This is just one guy’s opinion. If you feel something is off, something is most likely off. Honestly, I don’t know this guy but what you describe sounds like stories that my female friends tell me about how they met guys who eventually become very controlling. The stories are always similar. They meet a guy who is very charming and gives them all the attention in the world. They feel something is off but because the guy gives them so much attention, they let him in a bit. And after awhile, the attention and charm starts to become controlling and jealousy. I’m not saying this is the same situation, but he does seem like he’s coming on too strong (multiple texts + call after the first date about being worried you got home okay sounds less like real concern and more like needing to know where you are). Ultimately, you’re the only one who can judge your situation. Our intuitions are really powerful things. If you feel something is wrong or off, something is likely wrong.



    I wouldn’t do it. He might be charming now but he seems like the type that’s not used to hearing ‘no’ and he might not take it well when he does. He sounds very much like a possessive person. Possessive becomes controlling, controlling becomes abusive. Believe me when I say you don’t want anything to do with a situation like that. It’ll take you far longer to crawl out of it than it did falling in.


    Hey i need some advice ! This is all brand new to me but i can tell you my first meeting with my first pot will probably be my last ! Last night we agreed to meet at his shop and go for dinner . everything seem okay although i was about 20 min late because the uber driver had some issue finding the location but anyways we had dinner had a chat most of the conversation was about how life was too expensive and bla bla bla, Anyways went back to his shop. He had told me he had a little bit to drink before i came . he invited to the upper level of his shop to have a drink as he went down stairs to wash the cups i noticed there was a steak knife stabbed into the table ! i didn’t say anything but it kinda scared me .
    I was never the type of girl to have sex on the first date or second date not even the third but he wanted to and i said No! he kept trying and trying until he finally stopped i got my friend to call me an uber and i was out of there



    That is very scary! Clearly if you are concerned about your safety, you definitely should not see this man again. He obviously doesn’t respect your boundaries. I would either send a text saying you thank him for taking the time to meet, but you and another SD have decided to be exclusive with one another. Or you thank him and tell him you just didn’t feel a connection but you wish him the very best in his search. If he gives you a hard time, I would just block his # and block him on the site. Just remember you are in total control here and you have the power to decide if you wish to see someone again or not.


    thank you !


    @my_brown_sugar That is my worst fear! That sounds awful and I’m so sorry you had to go through that! May i ask how long you both talked before you decided to meet in person? Thats where Im at right now with two POT’s, Im just very nervous to actually meet and be on a date with them for the first time!

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by jadedbrit jadedbrit.


    Oh gosh. I’m glad I’m not the only one feeling this way. My situation is a bit bizarre as well. Talking to a POT via the app and text. We set a date to meet. He tells me he’s busy and in and out of meetings, want pics and will tell me later where we are meeting. Very charming. But day comes and never hear from him. When I text, he says I blew him off so he didn’t respond. I’m thinking like what on earth?

    Tried again yesterday and was given an exit off of an interstate (lives in nearby city). No specific location like a restaurant, coffee shop. Again says he’s heading to a meeting and will let me know later. I’m mean we are not reinventing the wheel here. What is so difficult with giving a location to meet and I can easily use GPS to get there? I think something is off here and I’m not quite sure what….


    @pinkmoongoddess I suspect he wants to talk, flirt and get pics from you, but never intends to meet. Move on.



    I started internet dating when I became separated, moved on to being a mistress and now to this… with both internet dating and being a mistress it was all too common for only 2 of the 3 to be arranged
    – day
    – time
    – location
    One would think this would be easy, logical etc … no, if I had a bar of chocolate for the number of times 2 of the 3 was set up and then …. silence … I would be much much larger than I am now!! (Also the number of times that all three were organised, and still stood up!)

    Personally I would not even contemplate setting off anywhere without the 3 elements in place. I often make sure the first meeting is close by or inexpensive to travel too, due to so much time and travel costs having been wasted.

    I also agree with DavidSD, many are just looking to add to their photograph collection, I have also lost count of the number of times when I have shown a photo…. silence, not even the decency of a, no thank you, your not my type, good luck!
    In my mistress world many became nasty and accused me of not being genuine as I declined to send lots of photographs!
    Blocked and moved on.

    Always, always meet in public until you are comfortable with the person!!!
    This could be one long first meeting or several.

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