I’ve been around for awhile and I’ve been with plenty of Splenda daddies in my lifetime at this point. It seems that there are more of these types than anything else in the sugar bowl world. I’ve been with a few traditional sugar daddies and learned quite a bit about the sugar bowl and what to avoid. This year I found a honeypot daddy… let me correct that statement. He found me in a mall in the middle of 70 people walking around me. He was on the second floor of the mall leaving the Apple store. For some reason he felt inclined to introduce himself to me. I was asked if I’d have lunch with him and talk. I agreed since it was the mall and the food court was an open area. He didn’t look like your typical sugar daddy that you hear about. He’s in his mid 40’s, business owner (owns a few different businesses), heavy set, tall, sarcastic and intelligent. Usually when you hear about these daddies they’re a little older than their 40’s unless you find some daddy who got into their field because of their parents. So far I’ve noticed that he’s very possessive and will say “you’re mine and that’s it” I understand being monogamous as that’s not an issue. But it becomes overbearing and I have to reassure him daily about himself and us. It’s nice to be able to put money away into savings but I’ve been asking myself if it’s really worth the money at this point. For those that have had the very rare honeypot daddy what did you go through that was different for you? I’ll explain what I’ve come across so far.
Check ins every hour
Needs to be able to see where I’m at 24/7
Emotion issues… if he’s mad at something revolving me or other personal drama I’ve seen him fire 15+ people in a day. We’re at 75 people between March and today.
Pictures every couple of hours and either with something time stamped or do something in the photo (hold certain fingers up, unbutton a button on a shirt or pick something up that’s the color he says)
Must be trophy ready (hair, nails, jewelry cleaned at all times)
Go to monthly events with him
Clothing inspections (if it’s not perfect then I have to find a replacement to his standards)
Certain weight (I’m 60 lbs underweight from where he wants me to be. I’m a curvy person)
Document with pictures what I’ve eaten and count calories
Go to the gym three to four times a week
Go shopping with his wife (they’re in the middle of a divorce and live in different places. He still pays her shopping trips but only if I go with.)
Waxing every week
Attend any training classes he’s doing out of town (two times a month)
Attend company events and dinners (once a week)
Attend concealed carry class once a month. I have my license and apparently it’s to get more women involved (he works in the bounty hunting business)
Talk at said class with wives and girlfriends about how time consuming and difficult this industry is
Take my kids (I have two from a previous marriage) out once a week
Photograph every receipt and email daily
Spend the night once a week (my girls have a room at his place)
Attend yearly convention meetings
Handle personal deposits when needed
Be available at any moment to leave out of town
Have passports for myself and kids on hand at all times
Answer calls when needed from his phone (the thing is always going off)
Keep a copy of his schedule on phone and update when needed
I feel like I’m doing so much for so little. Yes, the money is great as it’s changed my life. I just feel like I’m doing a lot of work and have so little time on my hands. Anyone else feel like they’re jumping through hoops?
@thecolorjade I’m going to be brutally honest, you need to end this relationship NOW, LIKE BY FRIDAY.
It’s going to get ugly breaking it off but even more ugly if you stay in it. This guy is beyond a control freak, he is psychologically abusing and controlling you. No amount of money is worth the abuse you are going through, if you stay with this you are going to get locked in even worse.
Stop taking any allowance from him today, change your numbers for that account you spoke of so he cannot give you anymore money.
After you send a break up text, block him from every number and account you have and all social media. The fact you are going shopping with his wife is like a 10 alarm warning. GET OUT OF THIS NOW!
Let me know if you need more assistance.
I’m going to second what Southern says only I’m going to give you advice from your perspective. I know this sounds over the top and alarmist but you’re in danger. You are involved with someone who has the resources to track you down wherever you go and has a malignant narcissistic personality. Once he decides you are no longer beneficial to him, that temper of his is going to turn on you. Should you end this relationship you need to have all your ducks in a row. File for a restraining order and get ready to go no contact. No contact means you eliminate every single way he has to contact or control you and you never, ever, ever initiate or return communication with him. This is the worst case scenario. It is extremely stressful.
Before you do this, I want you to research narcissistic personality disorder, then I want you to talk to his soon to be ex and ask her if she’s ever felt unsafe and why she’s choosing to divorce him. While you’re doing this, you’re going to need to firmly ground yourself by reaching out to people in your network and closest friend/family group and asking for their support.
How do I know all of this? Because not three weeks ago I had to do something very similar. I ended a year-long relationship with a narcissist when it became clear that it wasn’t doing me any good. I’m currently in the process of reclaiming that part of my life and I spend a significant amount of time looking over my shoulder. So far the worst he’s done is berate me and smash my windshield. I consider myself lucky. Start planning to leave this relationship, do not talk to him about it beforehand, only end the relationship when you’re ready and have a support network. My heart goes out to you, my narcissist wasn’t as aggressively controlling or malignant as yours seems to be, I can only imagine how uncomfortable this has to be for you. If you’re on Instagram and you want to DM me you can find me as Charming.wit. I can’t fix this for you but I can give you access to resources. Good luck, I’m sorry.
I second the above and want to add the following which is not offered lightly. You are not the only one at risk in this situation. Because your daughters have been involved, they may be at risk as well. Malignant narcissists will use any lever they can find to keep “feeding” their need or to punish those who defy them. As a mother, your girls are an obvious and vulnerable lever. When you are prepared to leave this situation you need to expect and anticipate that he will use them to hurt you. They will need to be made to really and truly understand (in whatever context is age appropriate) that he is not to be trusted or obeyed under any circumstances. Their school and any sitters should be advised that he is not to have access to them or to pick them up under any circumstances and that if he tries the police should be contacted immediately. In addition at the very least you need to have a locksmith replace all locks on your home and install an alarm with wireless monitoring capability and panic buttons. It might not be a bad idea to use some of your savings (in cash!!!) to take your girls and get out of town for a few weeks until the worst is over. Don’t go anywhere that you have family or friends that he could possibly find out about. Pick a place at random and don’t use your cell phone or let your girls use theirs if they have them (get a prepaid track phone or similar). Don’t use credit or atm cards.
I know this sounds very extreme but please trust that I know of what I speak. The warning lights are flashing bright red. Be safe and please be very careful and don’t imagine that it can’t get that bad. It can and based on your post, it will. My email address is in my LTS profile. Contact me if you need to please.
If the original post is real, I concur. My take of it, taking into account the several other posts OP made, was that we have a creative writing exercise on our hands.
@hoosier Exactly. I don’t believe a word of this.
Her other current posts don’t relate to this drama at all.
I really hope that this was all a “creative writing exercise”. If it is then no real harm done and perhaps the advice provided may help some lurker who really is in a bad situation. If it is real, then it could end very badly if the OP is not very careful (and even if she is).
This one may or may not be legitimate, but I’m sure you know that these things do happen. There are dangerous crazy people out there (male and female) and there are naive folks who get in way over their heads without ever realizing how it will end…frogs in a pot…
In either case, better to be safe than sorry.
@hoosierdaddy I was suspect also, but wanted reply just in case along with the chance if another girl was in a similar situation this may prove helpful.
I really hope it was a creative writing exercise.
I think we all do. I posted a while back in another problem thread some of the tools out there for coercive control/stalking like described here. I missed that OP’s reply – but yes stalking online counts.
Here is that thread, although the resources are better for the UK, I believe they point to some US alternatives too.
@simplesamone Is there any way we can check in with this girl to see if she is okay? All I can see is that she posted other threads the same day as this one & yes, they were unrelated, but as many know, people who find themselves in an abusive relationship are often times in denial about it. The longer it goes on, the more it becomes “normal,” so its not unusual for a victim to be very nonchalant when talking about what theyre experiencing. And for those who question the validity- obvious red flag is: why would she post on an SA forum if she met him at the mall? Well, talking online may be her safest bet if he controls every other aspect of her life. Just um.. if you guys have the ability to do something I cant, because you’re more knowlegeable than me on navigating SA/this forum, or if she has an active SA account, maybe reach out? Just an affirmative that someone has checked in with her would do. No need to pry into her personal business. Her post is very troubling.
Unfortunately there is no way to identify the OP and other than a flurry of posts that day she has not reappeared. As you can see from the comments in this thread and the tenor of her other posts that day, there is certainly a possibility that this was a creative writing exercise.
Unless she reappears there is really no way to track her down to check in.
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