Home Sugar Support Forum™ First Meetings How to be safe about a first meetup interstate

This topic contains 6 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by Danielle Danielle 3 weeks, 3 days ago.

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  • #31076

    melbSBB
    Participant

    Hey all :)

    I’m brand new to the SB game and have had overwhelmingly positive, friendly responses to my profile. I’ve started chatting to a man who lives interstate, and our first phone call was great and went for multiple hours. He came across as friendly, sincere and personable, and I’m looking forward to meeting him. The problem is that I’m a wary of meeting up safely, and I’m not sure how other SBs go about first dates when they’re outside of your usual location.

    He said that he’d prefer me not to google him and to just meet him on our 1st date as two authentic people, which I can understand to a degree. The thing is, he suggested meeting interstate for a couple of nights for our first meetup. Having thought about it, I feel like I would prefer to meet him in person first for a more casual dinner/drinks arrangement to get to know him a bit more, but he’s unavailable to meet in my state for a couple of weeks… so what do I do? I don’t want to offend him or keep him hanging for an extended period of time, but I also want to be cautious because at the end of the day I’ve never met him and he’s never met me. How would other SBs approach this?

    Thank you :)

    #31078
    DavidSD
    DavidSD
    Participant

    Google him. Politeness takes a back seat to your safety.

    A few rules.

    1. Do not travel for a first date.
    2. No overnight for a first date.

    As nice as someone can be on the phone you don’t know them until you meet in person. The forum is littered with horror stories from girls who traveled or agreed to overnights on a first date.

    Do not put yourself in a dangerous situation.

    #31082

    melbSBB
    Participant

    Thanks DavidSD. I’ll ask him to meet up in a more casual way first. I suppose that if he doesn’t understand then that would be a good sign that he’s not someone I want to hang out with longterm anyway.

    #31121
    ScorpioRising
    ScorpioRising
    Participant

    You’re quite right, the first meeting should be intentionally casual and low-pressure (and intentionally brief–coffee, happy hour, maybe dinner) to get to know each other before committing to any arrangement. Flying or traveling a similarly long distance to a first meeting can be glamorous, but it’s also a hassle and a risk. (Does the SB have reliable safety nets in place if the guy is salt or ill-intentioned? Does she have travel and lodging that isn’t dependent on him? Is an SD willing to pay for her travel and lodging up front and risk her flaking or taking the money and ghosting?)

    Finding a middle point between your homes to meet can be fine, but don’t commit to an overnight, let alone multiple nights. If he insists on seeing you immediately but isn’t able to make reasonable compromises for your schedule and needs, he isn’t worth proceeding with.

    #31136

    TCM
    Participant

    Red flags
    – he’d prefer me not to google him and to just meet him on our 1st date as two authentic people,
    – he suggested meeting interstate
    – for a couple of nights

    … agreed as above.

    One person I was in a relationship with,, it took us several months to meet (I am not usually that patient) however he does live in another part of the country and only comes to my area when work allows. The first attempt, his meeting cancelled, I did wonder if he was genuine. The second attempt, he said a few days before he had a confession… his meeting was cancelled but as he did not want to mess me around, he managed to organise one in a city a little nearer and came up to meet me after.

    If they are genuine they will not expect you to travel and as they have more means etc will make it happen.

    #32233

    Siniii
    Participant

    Personally I think traveling for the first date is fine BUT only if you find information of him online, know for sure who he is etc. The fact he doesn’t want you to google him sounds very sketchy. Google him, see what you can find. The men I’ve been with have actually encouraged me to find them on Instagram and google, also google the company he works for. If he’s a millionaire, there probably is information of him online.

    #32245
    Danielle
    Danielle
    Participant

    @ Sinii, the problem is that, unless he’s been convicted of something serious, an online search won’t give you any idea of how safe he is. A person could be wealthy but still leave you in the dirt if you so much as disagree with them, or even be violent.

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