I’ve been seeing my SD for about 8 months now and a few days ago I found out that I’m pregnant. There’s no mistaking if it’s his or not, I haven’t been seeing anyone else and last time him and I had inter-course, he… well… he finished but he was still hard so he just kept going (with an already filled condom) and finished again. When I went to the restroom to clean up, white substance came out of me but I didn’t think too much of it because the condom didn’t appear teared and for all I know it was my own fluid. Apparently it wasn’t.
Anyway, pregnancy test is positive. He already has a kid and mentioned not being interested to be father a second time when we just met. Seemed perfect for me because I’ve never wanted children to begin with. But now that I found out about it, I’m honestly not so sure what to do anymore.
Should I tell him? Part of me feels like he has the right to know, but I’m scared of his reaction regardless of what it is.
Thanks. Your support is much appreciated.
Hi! I had been in a similar situation so I want to tell you my story.
I had gotten pregnant with my on and off bf (what started as an arrangement/tremendous age gap) after 1 year.
We were on and off before/during/after the baby was born. We are currently working out our issues/living together happily (for the most part).
Since this is my bf’s first child… we’re novices. He was? Is? sort of an old bachelor—loves to travel, works a lot (flexibly & enjoys it, but not so much family guy— if you get the picture) a baby was not in my plan at 22 either.
When I told him I was pregnant, he was shocked. His initial response was that he’ll be behind me no matter what. When I really decided to go on with the pregnancy, he’d say, “I know I told you that I’d consider having a baby but…””I didn’t think you’d go through with it.” “Was it REALLY a surprise on your end?””F**ing me was probably the smartest thing you did.” To sum it all up—really hurtful things.
Now when the baby fusses, HE is sometimes more patient than I am. We coordinate our international travel around the baby so he enjoys his life while (I struggle but hey) enjoy the adventures of motherhood.
I assume that you are in a difficult position now, you only become a woman once, and the choice is in your hands. People love each other, have sex and babies are sometimes the natural flow of all of that. At the end, you have to do what’s right for you.
You are strong. Take the time to reflect, lay out all your options and possible outcomes. You will find the answers within you.
Best of luck,
That’s tough, I’m sorry you have to face this predicament.
I’d personally look to yourself and what you want before telling your SD/partner. Make a decision without his shock/reaction clouding your judgement.
Personally, I don’t want kids, and wouldn’t hesitate to terminate (I know some people will hate me for that but just being honest).
Thanks for sharing your experiences, @fwbnetworking! How your SD reacted, that’s also the reaction I’m afraid of, that he’ll be angry and tries to blame me. Or worse, he would ghost out on me and our unborn child. It’s tough…
Thank you too @josieforyou. Exactly my attitude before it happened, I’ve never wanted kids and that’s the same what I would’ve said, would I not actually be in this very situation myself right now.
An abortion would effect my conscious, mainly because it was my (our?) own mistake, plus, I’m not a 16 y/o that still lives with her parents and goes to school; I’m in my late 20s, have a job, my own apartment, etc. Simply said, I would be capable in raising a child. Would it not be selfish to not have it simply because I don’t want it? (P.s – not judging you, just speaking my mind.)
@maisiex IMO it is not selfish to choose not to go through with the pregnancy just because you are able to take care of them but up until now believed that you didn’t want children. I am with @josieforyou on this, but I have also never been pregnant and so all I can do is theorise, I have no idea how I would feel if it happened to me, despite my personal anti-natalist convictions; to my mind we are already too many people on this planet using up the resources and the best thing anyone can do to improve their footprint is to have fewer, or not have children. You should not feel obligated to keep it just because you can, but whatever you decide to do I’m sure will be what is best *for you*.
Thank you so much @valkyrium.tremens ! You really made me feel more confident about all this.
You should do whatever you feel you want to do. You’re in your late 20’s so you’re mature enough about responsibilities and heard how much commitment a child requires out of you for 18+ years.
At the end of the day its your body and not his. Every man knows there’s always a risk of pregnancy every time they have sex with a woman, and if she decides to keep it then he should accept that responsibility whether he likes it or not. So you decide for yourself whether to keep the baby or not. If you do keep it try make sure he pays support maintenance.
After 8 months I’m sure you have some type of location information on him ( home address, place of business or a license plate number) that can get you child support. So you’re not totally alone if things go south.
Me and my kid have been on our own since I was pregnant 13 years ago. We’ve always been fine. I was not planning to have a child and didn’t think I wanted one until the stick turned blue. I was 21 and life got hard quick. I found out who actually loved me at that time but we were still ok. Honestly after everything I love my kid so much I’d do it all over again and wouldn’t change a thing.
Some women miscarriage and if you want the kid I’d wait out the first trimester to tell anyone. Why cause yourself the grief for nothing?
I’m only saying this because it sounds like you want the kid but you’re afraid of what the father might say.
Sorry I just read your other comments. If you don’t want the baby it would be more selfish to keep it. In that case you should abort and look back knowing you did the right thing by yourself and the unborn child.
@Maisex sorry to hear you’re facing quite the situation. As others have said, I think the first thing you should do is think about yourself for a moment, without anything else clouding your judgement. Although the reaction of your SD is important, it’s not as important as how YOU feel. Take some time to reflect and think about every scenario possible and then go from there.
Once you’ve thought everything through, no matter your decision or thought process, whether or not you share with your SD is your decision. A lot of people can make decisions like this on their own and not think twice, while others can’t. Neither is the right or wrong way of thinking or viewing things. You have to do what’s best for you. That’s the most important.
Take care of yourself.
fellow sugar sister.
I’m somewhat curious what the current status is. perhaps you decided on adoption?
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