Home Sugar Support™ Forum Sex Intimacy/Sex — right time?

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This topic contains 14 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by  ImaniJones 10 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #34718

    adventurous cuddler
    Participant

    Hello! I’m new to the whole SB/SD stuff and I had a question!

    I realize that sex/intimacy is a big part of the relationship/arrangement but at what time do you give into this? I understand it’s “when you’re comfortable” but what if it takes a while for you to become comfortable and the SD ends up becoming bored or impatient and leaves? Almost all the men that have messages me have asked if I’d be intimate with them or have hinted at sex being involved within the first 5-10 messages. I understand from reading through the forum that this is normal but I don’t want to be pushed to have sex like some of these men are trying to do but I’m afraid I might drive them away if I take too long to give in.

    Also, how did you, SBs, bring yourself to have an intimate relationship with someone that could be your father? I’m not shamming I’m just asking, please don’t take that the wrong way I’m genuinely curious because this is one of the factors holding me back. I don’t know if I’d even be good at sex? If that even makes sense.

    This might be a stupid question but that you for helping me out!

    #34724
    Inamorato
    Inamorato
    Participant

    From what I’ve heard from SBs, the majority of men using SA are looking for sex as part of the first date ( after a separate meet and greet ). SDs that are looking for longer term sugar relationships may extend this to two or three dates, but after that they’re going to move on. Sugar relationships are supposed to be mutually beneficial, and once the SB is receiving her allowance, the SD is going to expect something in return. I don’t need a SR to have dinner and interesting conversation.

    Being ‘good at sex’ is something you should really try and figure out in a vanilla relationship before trying out the sugar bowl.

    #34747
    SFwinefan
    SFwinefan
    Participant

    @adventurous cuddler, first off, Merry Christmas.

    Second, I am local to you, so re-read your profile. You have the Platonic tag, and your profile is consistent (but not explicit) with that criteria. It would seem to me that if intimacy is brought up, that is a POT that you should no longer be communicating with.

    As you know (since you have been reading here for a while it sounds like), Platonic only SDs rank somewhere between Unicorns and Jackalopes in availability. It means you are in for a long, long search that may not be successful. However, I would strongly encourage you to hold to that threshold if you remain in the sugar bowl. In your post you have several comments that tell me you are not really ready for intimacy:

    (1) “what time do you give into this” – it should be when you’re comfortable and wanting it with him. So it should never be “giving in to it”
    (2) “what if it takes a while” – then you will likely have a short set of interactions, this is accelerated dating (see multiple posts from other SDs), so taking a long time will likely be a problem
    (3) “how did you, SBs, bring yourself to have an intimate relationship with someone who could be your father?” – they are attracted enough to the men it’s not an issue (or put it aside and act because the other benefits are worth it – sorry being honest, I’m sure this fits for some SBs here). Your tone here means you need to find that rare, younger SD (so a young Jackalope so to speak).
    (4) “I don’t know if I’d even be good at sex?” – the sugar bowl is probably not the place to build that confidence.

    Given the competition you are facing (I am surprised by the number of local women who tell me they are seeking something platonic only), the rarity of those SDs, and your feelings, it may be best to wait a while before trying again.

    Finally, your question is hardly stupid, it is sort of fundamental to finding your place in the bowl.

    #34960

    adventurous cuddler
    Participant

    First off, thank you for your replies! Hope you guys had a good Christmas break/holiday.
    Secondly, do any of you know why I can’t post another topic? I’ve been trying for like 5 days now.

    @inamorato
    I understand that if they’re paying you, they’re going to expect something in return. It’s just that most of the people that message me are looking to do it on the first “date”/M&G.
    That’s what makes me question everything because I’m not sure if that’s something that’s “normal” — I understand it depends on the person and all but generally I don’t know if that’s something that is okay to do?? Should I be avoiding such people?

    @sfwinefan
    Thanks for reply — the “this is accelerated dating (…), so taking a long time will likely be a problem” really brought me back to reality. It hit me that I can’t be expecting them to wait around for me to come around. That really relieved the concerns I had about this, haha. Thanks!

    #34981
    SFwinefan
    SFwinefan
    Participant

    @adventurouscuddler you’re welcome.

    I do want to follow up on something else you noted to @inamorato. If the guy is looking to sleep with you on a M&G, it’s not really a sugar relationship. That should be to see if there is even interest. On a first date, once details of the arrangement have been settled, it’s fine and probably frequent (but not required). Most SDs will be wanting to get to intimacy by the second date (likely 3rd meet).

    Again, all of this is moot if you’re looking for a platonic situation.

    Have a great New Year!

    #34983
    Inamorato
    Inamorato
    Participant

    I consider the first M&G more like a job interview. We meet up over coffee, decide if the other person seems real, if there’s an attraction. Discuss some of the details of an arrangement if we’re both comfortable with that. And then allow them to walk away without any pressure. If we like what we’ve seen, we finalize the arrangement and plan a first date.

    After that, sugar relationships are just accelerated dating. Except that unlike in the vanilla world where you might want to go on multiple dates before deciding whether you actually want to get intimate with him at all, you’ve already made the decision that you will. Yes, your SD has a responsibility to make you feel comfortable, so I’d normally plan a ‘platonic’ first date with no expectations. But also no allowance.

    #34993
    lilmissrebel
    lilmissrebel
    Participant

    @adventurous cuddler it isn’t about bringing ourselves to be intimate with our SD. It’s for most of us because there is a genuine attraction and chemistry between us. Yes most of us have a large age difference, but have you seen some of the older SDs out there? But they also offer a maturity that many of the SB are looking for and that adds to the attraction. As you get more experience sexually you learn each person has their own skill set in that department no matter what their age. For the most part, being in the bowl you know most SD are looking for intimacy by date (meeting) three. Only you know what you’re comfortable with. Obviously it isn’t for everyone. You should stick to your comfort level and keep looking, it may take longer but you might find what you’re looking for. If they pressure you to be intimate at the m&g, walk away.
    With most POT it seems we try to schedule the m&g within a week of first contacting and deciding to meet up (usually within 5 to 8 messages). The first date, if we agreed to an arrangement, is usually scheduled by the time we part ways.
    The key to being good at sex is enjoying it. You should decide on this prior to factoring it in any arrangement.
    Remember, no question is stupid. The more you ask, the more you learn.

    #36281
    loubbaby
    loubbaby
    Participant

    Honey bun, I think some more practical advice you need to hear is that to be “good” at sex you need to know what feels good for you and ask your partner what feels good for them and work in tandem to meet those needs/desires. If you don’t communicate openly, your partner’s “amazing skills” that pleased their last partner may do absolutely nothing for you and vice versa.

    I don’t know your life but I hope you masturbate regularly or have had sex before entering the bowl because it would not be the place to come into without knowing your body or being comfortable with sharing your body with someone else… who, as you mentioned, may be significantly older than you.

    #38235

    VintageCrystall
    Participant

    Hi Im a Sugarnewby.

    I was going to meet a sugar daddy this weekend, he seemed nice, we had talked online for a couple of weeks.
    But just now, he only talked about my pussy and what he wanted to doo.
    And that was rude, I tried to talk to him about it, that I wanted to get to now him better first etc.
    We haven’t even meet yet.

    But then He sad I was useless and not serious enough and dropped everything.
    – It was sad, cause, he seemed so nice.
    – But Im glad i found it out now and not w him.

    #38246

    I’m sorry you ran into a real creeper. For future reference, most SDs won’t go weeks before meeting up. It’s a fast paced process that usually results in you meeting within a week, no more than two, if first contact goes well.

    #39468

    James1803
    Participant

    Jeez, I must be one of those rare SD’s that don’t feel entitled to intimacy on the M&G or first date. Personally, I approach this like I would in a avanilla relationship – that is, full on intimacy will probably take place by the 2nd to 4th date. If not, then the chemistry isn’t there and it’s time to move on. The difference here is there is the dynamic of being much more generous for the privilege of getting to know someone much younger (therefore more attractive), than I would otherwise. Several years of trying the mainstream dating apps have yielded little results. Midwestern women over 40 (I’ve gotten little or no response from those under 40) seem to give up on their looks past a certain age, and those who still have their looks are looking for Mr. Right/high status male and a whole list of criteria that I have no interest in meeting. I’m basically paying NOT to have to have all the BS material trappings, expectations, and obligations that would come with a ‘nilla relationship.

    The guys wanting sex on a first date or a M&G need to be directed to back pages. No SB should feel pressured or forced into something they don’t want to do. That being said, few if any SD’s are willing to give and give and give without expecting anything in return. Charity cases should go stand in the welfare line.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James1803.
    • This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James1803.
    #39490
    Danielle
    Danielle
    Participant

    @james1803, sorry but you’re not all that rare. Yes, there’s a lot of fakers but I’ve met up with probably 50 POTs in all the years I’ve been in the game and none of them have expected sex on the M&G. Are there a lot of guys on the site looking for that? Yes. But they’re fakes that are really looking for escorts. They’re pretty obvious about it so a smart SB won’t waste her time meeting up with these men.

    Just wanted to make this clear, as I’ve noticed a new sense of “entitlement” in POTs feeling that they’re better than all the other SDs out there because they don’t expect sex right away or because they really make a lot of money, and so on. These are normal things and don’t make you better than anyone else. Just like an SB being respectful, showing up on time, etc is normal and should not lead to feelings of entitlement.

    #39497

    James1803
    Participant

    I guess my perspective is a bit skewed due to the many horror stories I’ve read on this forum. It can at times, be a fine line between felling entitled and feeling like you’ve “earned” something. If you’ve invested in someone, or something, it’s only natural to want a return on that investment. That could come in many forms, and people put different value on different things, but as with any investment there is always a risk that it may not pan out. There are many times I’ve helped people out, just out plain ol’ kindness, and then when it came time to ask them for a favor, they were nowhere to be found. It happens, and when it does, you move on.

    Personally, the whole aspect of demanding or feeling entitled to a persons person doesn’t sit well with me. To earn your way into someone’s heart, to inspire feelings of intimacy and generosity, is much more gratifying.

    As with ANY relationship, if you’re approaching it with the attitude of what you can get out of it instead of what you can give, you’re probably doing it wrong. It’s not friendly. Generosity should be present on both sides. Both parties should be approaching this willing and able to enrich each others lives, in whatever form. It’s not just the girls who can get miked through the fence – there are exploiters on both sides. Just as there have been women who have burned, I’m sure there’s been more than a few men who have too, which may explain the behavior of some of these guys: which is to to say they may be distrustful due to a previous experience that left them feeling used so they want to be sure that the POT SB can deliver. There are some women on here that advise “fake it ’till you make it” – i.e. lie and deceive. ug. Sorry, but that sounds a bit sociopathic to me.

    So to any POT’s out there: if you’re not willing to take the risk, and are unwilling to demonstrate that you have something to offer, if you’re in it for just the sex or the money, and recognizing the others humanity is not part the equation, then perhaps a SR isn’t for you. Go to back pages or start a gofundme campaign.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  James1803.
    #46672

    Joanne2018
    Participant

    what if you went through early menopause?
    1- you clearly CANNOT / SHOULD NOT tell any SD because he stopped having sex with his wife, ex, same aged partner precisely because older women experience “ vaginal dryness” and are perceived as “ unsexy”. so he would not want a SB who went through the same.
    2- he will compare you to those ex partners and no longer perceive you as “ youth”: because menopause does not happen to youth.
    3- best is keep quiet and go on HRT ( hormone replacment therapy) secretly

    #49027

    ImaniJones
    Participant

    I find the belief that Platonic SDs are Unicorns to be funny and Ironic. Because according to people I speak to…I’m a unicorn. Im in my mos 20s and never had sexual intercourse with anyone. Not for the sake of “wait till marriage.” I just haven’t found the right person one night stands and sex for money just seems so empty (my personal opinion). So until I find someone who I think is really special. My tag will stay platonic.

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