Home Sugar Support Forum™ Ethnic Knocked down before I even start

This topic contains 18 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by  Expired 2 weeks, 6 days ago.

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  • #13410

    Khadijah99
    Participant

    Hi. I haven’t exactly made a profile on any websites yet I’ve just been researching. I have noticed that brown sugar babies really don’t get any play. Can any brown sugars give advice or even stories about how they’ve met there SDs (please don’t say patience.) THANK YOU!

    #13416
    Brook
    Brook
    Keymaster

    Success in the Bowl has nothing to do with your skin color, or your height or weight or anything else about your physical appearance. It’s about adding value to someone’s life. My advice would be to understand what you have to offer and marketing that. Here are some blogs to help you along the way.
    https://www.letstalksugar.com/confessions/brown-sugar-baby-joins-the-sugar-bowl/
    https://www.letstalksugar.com/advice/success-for-ethnic-sugar-babies/
    https://www.letstalksugar.com/advice/use-your-skin-tone-to-your-advantage/

    #13550
    Zenya Rose
    Zenya Rose
    Participant

    Hi Khadijah,
    I’ve been in the bowl for a year now and I can attest that it can be a very frustrating place.
    You will come across profiles that say no African- Americans, Asians, Latinas, etc.
    It hurts, but it is life.
    Would you rather have messaged that profile and be left on read, then wonder why they did not respond?
    That is how I try to look at it. I’d rather be rejected upfront and know exactly why.

    Now here is how I deal with it.
    When searching through profiles put phrases like “African-American”, “Women of Color” in the profile text box.
    Then play around with your location.
    There may not be too many SDs who love Brown Sugar around you,
    however there may be some a state away willing to fly you out.
    That has helped marvelously with me.

    Sometimes you just have to take a break from the bowl as well.
    Nonstop rejection is not good for anyone’s self esteem and will chip away at your confidence.
    My first SD loved that I was a black woman, and had faux locs, and everything about me being a woman of color.
    As did my second, so I can attest that they are most certainly out there.

    Unfortunately, patience is a huge part of the bowl.
    It is a lot of work, and not the fairy tale people may think it is.
    Finding a SD takes time, sending tons of emails, and weeding out the salt.

    Hopefully this advice has helped you out!
    Fell free to check out my blogs as well!
    They are specifically geared towards the Brown Sugar experience.

    -Zenya Rose

    #13613
    Ambrose
    Ambrose
    Participant

    It might not be something WoC wish to hear, but the “WoC” issue is a bit of a red herring. There are 10-14 SBs for each SD. So just getting a SD can be very hard. I know SBs what have gone a year without finding a SD. It’s a lot of work to find a SR.

    Being a WoC doesn’t hurt you as much as you might think. It has been turned into an easy excuse. I am in a very ethnically diverse area. A lot of AA women don’t smile in their photos. (I would say a good 60% in my area) This lowers a SDs interest. SDs what a SB who is going to be fun. Not smiling gives off the impression that a POT is not fun/happy. I come to the Bowl for fun, so I will gladly take a smiling woman over a SB mean mugging the camera any day.

    A lot of AA women, in my area, oversell their body image (easy 80%+). Claiming to be “average” or “curvy” when they are clearly “full”. This lowers a SDs interest and hides them from those looking for that type of woman. Again, honesty will win you more in the Bowl than anything else. Embrace yourself and it will be much easier, and lead to you having a much better time.

    #13682
    Zenya Rose
    Zenya Rose
    Participant

    Hi Ambrose!

    I think her issue could certainly be a combination of issues.
    I agree that the ratio is not in any Sugar Baby’s favor and it takes a lot of time and patience to find the Sugar Relationship we all strive for.

    However recent studies such as the OKCupid study on race reveal that African- American women are the least responded to demographic.
    I, as someone who sees Sugar Daddy profiles on a regular basis can attest that there are many profiles that explicitly state “If you are x race, I am not interested”, “Do not email if you are x race”, etc.
    That is not an imaginary issue.

    I will agree with you that an honest and uplifting profile can make all of the difference.
    The photos chosen, and descriptors can make or break a profile,.
    It is certainly no small task finding the right combination.
    I cannot think of a place more subjective than the Sugar Bowl and sharing a genuine snapshot of yourself is something that everyone has to master in order to find success.

    Even still, you could have the best profile on the site but until your ideal match scrolls by, it will seem like it is not working.

    I think a lot of women have unrealistic images of what sugaring entails in their heads.
    When they join they Bowl, they realize that and it is easy to attribute their lack of success to something they know.
    Though race is A factor it is most definitely not the ONLY factor !

    #13837
    Ambrose
    Ambrose
    Participant

    @ZenyaRose

    Don’t make the common mistake of equating ethnicity and culture.

    Some AA women have a culture that turns men off. For example, did you know AA men are less likely to respond/initiate conversation with a AA women in the US than a white man? (Per capita) As I stated, just off personal experience AA women in my area do a lot of “no nos” for a dating website. And being a minority group, even in my much larger than nation average, trends stand out.

    But this isn’t just a men vs women issue. It’s also a women vs men issue. Before I started Sugaring (before I knew it was a thing honestly) I spent a few months looking for escorts. A common statement on the many websites was “no AA men under 35”. This was by every ethnic escort across the board. Those men didn’t become less “AA” as they get older. But from the escorts I talked to, I tend to be inquisitive to a fault at times, as AA men get older their culture changes. As it does for most people.

    As a SB I can understand how hateful it seems when a POT SD has a no “xxx” ethnicity on their profile. But you might be shocked to see how often that shows up on SB profiles as well.

    There are always going to be some bigots. Sadly that can’t be helped. But at the end of the day, most “racist” issues are less “race” and more culture.

    #27000

    Melissa
    Participant

    Salutations
    Je trouve celà un peu hypocrite de dire que le succès sur le site n’a rien à voir avec la couleur de la peau. Celà revient à dire à toutes les femmes noires qui ne trouvent personne que tout est de leur faute. La société moderne est pleine de gens formatés et pour la plupart des hommes sur ce site, la bébé idéale est grande, blonde aux yeux bleus et elle doit être ” jeune”. C’est un fait!

    #27015
    DavidSD
    DavidSD
    Participant

    Race is a factor for some guys, it’s dumb but true.

    But it’s only one in a long list of factors, some of which you can control (profile, being friendly, being timely, cute pictures, flirt) and some of which you can’t (guys that want 18 year olds, guys that want skinny girls, guys that want white girls, etc ). Work on the things you can control, don’t stress about the things you can’t.

    #27056
    Ambrose
    Ambrose
    Participant

    @Melissa
    It’s hard on every woman. Being a SB is not easy. Do some SDs only want a certain look/style? Yes. But the mass majority of profiles are not skipped over based on their skin colour. It’s based off bad pictures and bad profiles. Even here on LTS, almost every black SB who has asked for help on their profile has had the same issue. Culturally they were not appeasing to the majority of SDs.

    If a SD doesn’t find a good SB it’s either due to lack of SBs in his area, or he is bad at finding a SB. And the same holds true for SBs. If they can not find a good SD, it is either because there are not enough SDs in their area, or they are bad at attracting SDs.

    #27983

    SweetNerd
    Participant

    I’m gonna to chime in as a more mature WOC so please don’t get offended or upset because it might come off harsh.

    First it’s not about race as much as its about your own attitude and self confidence. Is the world full of racist yes but I never let them take away any of my self esteem and just keep it moving. To complain about it and place any blame on it for not being able to meet people will make life miserable and will crush your esteem.

    I’m no supermodel and mostly called cute and adorable but have dated and been hit on mainly by men of other races since I was young. So the excuse of WOC get no play is kind of stupid to me because everyone has preferences even yourself so if someone doesn’t like black girls that’s cool there are plenty that do. What I don’t have in looks are made up for by having a positive attitude and always smiling. You would be surprised how much people do notice and are willing to strike up conversations with you if you’re smiling. Also being able to hold a conversation with some intelligence can go a long way to meeting people.

    Another thing I think hurts some WOC is they come off having a princess mentality that as long as you’re cute men should just fawn over you and be happy that your even with them. SDs are looking for someone who can hold a conversation and take interest in them so if you are not showing that on your profile or you’re not able to do it in a message it will show. You won’t win all the time with messaging but at least it may help you get closer to having a SR.

    I’ll stop here but don’t get caught up in worrying about whether anyone will like you or the racist just be confident in you.

    #28189

    I wish I could see some of these profiles @Ambrose is talking about being culturally unappealing. (Hmmm… am I guilty of this myself?)
    I just live my life and honestly don’t worry about how I’m coming across or who particularly is interested. I guess it’s a whole separate issue when you have to showcase yourself online.

    It hasn’t been my experience that Brown sugar babies get less “play” than others. But perhaps everyone’s experience in the bowl is different. I will say there have been times when I’ve expected not to be someone’s “type” off the bat due to ethnicity & NOT culture so it’s definitely in the air. However There is always another profile out there or another in person SD.
    Stay positive, keep it sweet & keep on sifting!

    #28228
    SouthernSD
    SouthernSD
    Participant

    @PPFB

    Well put, it’s about attitude and you seem to have a good one.

    #29463
    Kwippy18
    Kwippy18
    Participant

    I’m Asian and it doesn’t really bother me if I see someone’s profile saying no asian’s please because I know everyone has their own preferences and sometimes we can’t help what we prefer. Besides would it make you feel better if they had not had that on your profile and you tried to invest in a relationship only to later find out he never was into you- I think the guys with no “x” race on their profile means you can filter them out and better focus on finding a guy you’ll really want to meet

    #30331

    Ok so I get it now.

    I hadn’t really run into many “no black girls allowed” profiles. But just saw a few back to back… the last one stung a bit. He’d written a ton, put a lot of thought into his profile & we even work in the same field, im sure traveling in the same circles (he looks familiar). Every reference he made I got, every hobby shared, every request he made- easily fulfilled. He even offered past SB references. Cultured, eloquent, chivalrous & just by reading his profile I could tell he was dapper.

    Then … “WHITE & FIT ONLY” I continued reading only because he mentioned if he wasn’t my cup of tea that he had friends. He again apologized to the black women & restated his preference in his profile.

    😩 I’m everything you asked for but in a different hue (which happens to be a very sexy one 😏).

    I’m starting to wonder if those who don’t respond to messages but look at my profile lean toward those preferences as well. (I’ve already had the SDs critique my profile & im continuing to update it)

    I’m not crushed. Just something I noticed that I hadn’t before.

    #30333

    Expired
    Participant

    @PPFB
    I’m sorry. You truly are the package deal. Some people are just stuck in the previous century. I’d love to give you an inspirational speech but I have nothing. If someone is stuck on your “sexy hue” it’s their loss. They are making the grave mistake of losing on the opportunity of having you genuinely enrich their lives.
    If I were an SD I would definitely want you. If I become a unicorn one day and make the decision to be a sugar mommy I would choose you.
    In the meantime all I can offer is being somewhat poor, sarcastic sense of humour, and pragmatic outlook on life internet based BFF situation?
    Side note: I’m really good at sharing my hilarious misadventures…

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