Home Sugar Support™ Forum Relationships Maybe I'm stereotyping SD's, but…

This topic contains 5 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by NotSoNewbie NotSoNewbie 4 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #32553
    Jessica1993
    Jessica1993
    Participant

    Admittedly, I’m new to this, but I’ve expected this to be a supply and demand type arrangement- most (not all) SB’s will be young and pretty, offering companionship for older SD’s,who are more wealthy and able to offer financial assistance.

    I’m surprised by the number of young (30’s to early 40’s), wealthy ($1m+), fit, good looking SD’s.
    Do you (SB’s) see that type as a red flag, or am I simply stereotyping?

    #32565

    Izzie312
    Participant

    Personally in my experience, yes, this has often been a red flag. I also never judge on what someone puts as their income on their profile as it’s nearly always inflated. I do not tend to date any SD under 30 as they have pretty much all been scammers, narcissists, or essentially just guys trying to see what they can get (or all 3). There also tends to be the assumption that them being younger/better looking means they shouldn’t have to provide an allowance (or as much of one), which while I can see that they may be a bonus to some SB’s, it’s not necessarily how it always works.
    I have generally felt the same about men I’ve met in their early 30s. It seems like they’re more likely to be on an arrangement site for ego rather than a genuine desire or need for an SB. So yes, I would absolutely tread cautiously. If they have no reason to be on an arrangement site then why are they there? If a man is good looking, young and successful he should not have trouble getting sex or a date. He may be extremely shy, so if he appears shy then this is a legitimate reason. He might work in a job which has limited interaction. For example I once briefly dated a POT who was gorgeous and in his late 20s, he was a doctor and worked at a hospital all the time in radiology. He spent all his time looking at screens, this had made him a lot more shy of meeting women conventionally.
    If he appears confident though, then what are his reasons for being there? Why are women not responding to him in real life? Or maybe he tells you they are responding to him, so why has he chosen this lifestyle? If you cannot find a genuine reason why he cannot meet someone under normal circumstances and he tells you he has buckets loads of cash and is generally boastful, and you have no real verification of who they are, then I would run away fast, worst case scenario you may be dealing with a narcissist or a psychopath. You just don’t want to have to deal with that sort of toxicity.

    On the other hand, I have dated good looking men in their late 30s and early 40s from SA who have been amazing SD’s and great people as well as being very generous. These tend to be the career driven guys who are very busy and a bit hedonistic, great sex, great company, great friendships. With one I nearly gave him the allowance back after we first spent a night together because I enjoyed his company so much. I’ve also met older men who aren’t at all legit. So definitely don’t judge just on their looks or age, there are some really great SDs out there!

    Red flags I would pay close attention to-

    – Claiming they’re overly successful for the type of job they have or the age they are. They can admit to being successful, but some of the claimed levels of success are highly unlikely as very few people reach those levels. Same with huge claims on allowances they’ll give, most SD’s will negotiate because they’re actually intending on giving it to you, even if they eventually agree to what you ask for.

    – Dissing “other” SDs, it’s fine to ask how you’re getting on, but if they’re making it clear they believe they’re better than others on the site then it may be a bad sign.

    – Disrespectful in how they speak of other SB’s. Talking about a bad experience is ok if it comes up in conversation, but if they’re rude about the other girls on the site or women in general I’d be very wary.

    – Claims they earn a lot, yet they seem to have a lot of free time. If they say they have a business or work for a business and they’re throwing about a bunch of red flags, ask them to verify it properly.

    – Basically any symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder or anti social personality disorder. It’s not crazily common, though not rare, and many seem to be drawn to sites like SA. It’s best to steer well clear of anyone with these traits.

    – Inconsistencies with what they tell you one day to another. For example, if they say they’re married or single and then change their story, run away!

    – Same as if you cannot find any reason for a guy to be there and he seems to good to be true, while I might still meet up with him if there weren’t any other red flags, I would be cautious.

    #32596

    Alex74
    Participant

    There are a lot of younger guys on the site just trying to sleep with hot women without the trouble of really dating them and without actually paying them.

    The other thing to be careful of is that many men who claim to be single, divorced, or separated are really married and just want to lie about instead of admitting they are married.

    #34469
    Babygrl_moet
    Babygrl_moet
    Participant

    I had a short arrangement with a really good looking SD who was 28 or 29 and promised me great allowance, but very soon he told me he looked for me with find face and found out I have a vanilla boyfriend. He got kinda mad at me because of that. Gosh, I was so stressed and had no idea what he’d do. It turned out he didn’t really need a sugar baby, what he wanted was the regular relationships with a regular girl. And I think most of the kind of guys do.

    I promised myself that I won’t meet young sugar daddies again.. but I’m cool with it, I kinda like older men, men who are at least in their 40s. And I think secretly all sugar babies do, otherwise they wouldnt really be in the bowl 🙂

    #34487
    SFwinefan
    SFwinefan
    Participant

    @jessica1993 and @izzie312 I would be very skeptical of men showing extreme income levels and assets, especially if they are younger. @izzie312 is right that many men will oversell themselves or if they can not put up. I understate my finances for my profile, and I am not in that $5MM+ asset and $500k+ income band (e.g. comfortable, successful professional/executive not filthy rich). I suspect many of the better SDs do the same since we are looking for the connection/relationship rather than just the mutual benefits/sugar across the band.

    I also really like @Izzie332’s overview of things to look for in terms of red flags. As an example, being misleading on status is just foolish for a POT SD. After all, if you are looking for something ongoing, she is going to figure things out quickly. As one example, being married impacts days of availability, financing to be discreet, even how much perfume your SD may like you wearing for a date.

    #53679
    NotSoNewbie
    NotSoNewbie
    Participant

    I has an experience similar to @babygrl_moet.
    My first sugar(sort of) arrangement was with a successful young man in his mid 20s. At first I considered myself lucky that he was young enough to pass off as my boyfriend; sugar babies really have a bad name in my home country. But I later came to feel duped. The financial part of the agreement was pretty clear but as we progressed he was providing less and asking for more emotional engagement from me. It soon became draining just to think about spending time with him. Things went out of hand when he snooped in my phone as I was sleeping and then claimed that no privacy had been violated since I hadn’t put a password. Well that just did it for me! Later when I thought of that arrangement, there were some some very fishy things going on. Eg He had completely refused to have the first meeting in an open public place at day time yet later when I would go for sleepovers his days would be spent in the house. Not to mention that he did not mind unprotected sex the first time. I had to look him in the eye and ask him whether he didn’t know of STDs. Guess what I’m trying to say is; better an experienced SD who knows the drill of a sugar arrangement. Most of the young guys are as clueless as you(we) are.

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