I don’t understand what the issue is with his prostitute statement. N_kari says that it was only after pressing him for his thoughts on SA that he said many people in their area operated more like prostitutes. News flash: you ladies deal with Johns, we deal with prostitutes. He didn’t call N_kari a prostitute or say he was looking for a prostitute. Is it the word? Are we only allowed euphemisms like “escort” now? I truly don’t get why @mis is so focussed on that sentence of such a long description of an evening.
I wondered the same thing but figured I was far enough out on the limb with my Mule comparison and advice…
An awful lot of the SB profiles around me have a very definite prostitute vibe, part of that may be proximity to NYC, but it certainly flavors the experience for everyone and I would be surprised if SDs are not exposed to that and prone to comment on it especially if it is not what they are looking for…
It is ok @simplesimone, I thought this thread had died its natural death anyway. I’m vary aware that men can only follow one impulse at a time and that the source of this impulses often is not the head. However I did use all my “polite” none verbal cue’s before I did eventually start to swat away his hand like an annoying fly. Im in full agreement with you also and do intend to meet him again. On reflection I was very much in control of a “badly behaved mule” (paraphrasing here). And the offer of a meal was left open to me to sate a place. So I can again chose a place and a time that should suit me and be a place I feel safe in. I will take your suggestion of “No intimacy/touching” under consideration also…..
PS where is my recipe for Jam please young lady!? =P
@mis I agree it didn’t sit well with me either but as @hoosierdaddy points out it was not directed at me. It was a general statement about his experience of SA in our local area when I play events back. This in itself might turn out to be something or might have been a throwaway comment… Time will tell.
Did you feel my description was to long @hoosierdaddy? Definitely not letting you read my profile now haha 😛
Then the mystery is not completely dead. Would it surprise you to know my favorite American road trip is Maine to New Mexico in the last two weeks of August? Buy loads of wild blueberries (some of which are made into jams and compote then “canned” in Mason jars) then make for World Pepper Festival in Hatch, New Mexico. Right then, I must now make another batch of green chili now.
Damn @hoosierdaddy, you are making my feel positively swoony! A man who knows how to can? Come on over. I am getting ready to put up the last of the summer squash pickles right now, just did the green tomato salsa last week after I pulled the tomato plants. Must go, feeling weak in the knees… 😉
I will forgo the canning conversation. @n_kari, I am sorry things did not go as you hoped. I am a bit surprised in your last note that you plan on seeing him again. From my read of your posting his behavior made you uncomfortable, and left you feeling out of sorts. I doubt his behavior will improve next time … even with the proverbial 2×4. I know as an SD, the 2×4 will not get me to modify my behavior, but instead will just prompt me to go with that POT SB who does not feel the need to employ it.
I will post separately here about my approach on contact in M&G’s and first dates (platonic dates), as no touch would be a deal breaker for me.
@sfwinefan Sorry for the delay in replying to you. It was not a “no touch” m&G. I was the one who initiated the welcome with a hug and a kiss in the cheek. It was the subsequent (obsessive) touching that made me feel uncomfortable and the attempts to “French kiss” in busy car park…. Anyway as you said I did agree to meet up for a second date and this is the update on that.
Even though this is the first date forum I thought I would update the threat and round it off (no spoilers).
We had kept in contact from our first meet and the POT had expressed a desire to meet as soon very soon after we had left each other. We again met in my town and after some discussion we agreed on a new restaurant that I suggested. The POT had mentioned he was already at the eatery when I pulled up in the taxi but I did not see him so went inside but he was not there. I mentioned the booking to the waiter and he let me chose a seat. The POT cam in soon after and came over to sit. We embraced and exchanged pleasantries (I even remembered the double kiss this time). The rest of the evening went well, food and drink were ordered and we chatted. As before we covered all kinds of things and I learned a bit about his business and family while also sharing my own work and family information. I have to say that genuinely enjoyed his company again and I felt like he enjoyed mine also. After the food was done we continued to talk for some time. Partly due to us both still having some wine left but also due to the aforementioned ease with each other company.
It was around this time that the POT asked if he could hold my hand. And I agreed. We were siting opposite so anything more that this (hand on knee) would have been difficult but I didn’t hesitate and we held hands for a while. The conversation had already turned to another date and the POT asked if I felt like this could happen. I agreed and expressed my enjoyment of the evening and his company. I then realised that the evening was nearly over so tried to gently turn the conversation to agreements, I had tried to do this on a few occasions when it seemed appropriate of their was a short lul in conversation. I wasn’t direct at all and he wither missed the point or was evading it purposefully.
Not having the confidence to ask out right and not wanting to spoil a good night we ended the meal and the POT offered me a lift home. I accepted feeling comfortable with him at this point. We chatted a little more and he drove me home. For the sake of completeness we kissed and d said good night after dropping me off and I could tell he wanted more… I again explained that was not going to happen and reminded him of my living situation (my brother lives with me). One more kiss and I ended the date.
We’ve kept in touch and arranged the 2nd/3rd date. I meet him tomorrow for a lunch date before he goes away on holiday and I go visit friends for my birthday. I know I have to bring up the subject of an agreement tomorrow and might even write more on this in the money section. Im probably will have to be direct with him this time this time as I will have to travel to a place he has chosen and feel that he will want more intimacy soon if we meet again after tomorrow.
Thanks for the update @n_kari.
The thing that gives me greatest pause in your description of the date is that he ignores your hints at the allowance discussion. He knows that it is a topic that needs to be addressed. So given you were having the date, that is the ideal time to move to the discussion. If not at the dinner table, then a pause when he gave you the ride home. My inference from your update is that he is looking for the intimacy before you get to the discussion. Which is backwards.
@sfwinefan yes, I agree with you and that he has been very focused on “intimacy” and would if I allowed it, would have been intimate as part of our M&G ( As I said in my first post).
It seems very hit and miss whether I can make new post currently and I had wrote a post that I wanted to put into the money section asking with regards to help asking or rather prompting the discussion of the “agreement”. However since I don’t know if this will work I will try posting it here.
I went for the 3rd date with my POT Sun 21st Oct 2018.
The lunch date today was in a lovely little pub about 30 minutes by car from my house. I arrived on time (12:30) and had made an effort to look good but not to good (as id already been out with friends in the morning for early birthday activities and obviously wanted to dress well for the POT). No issues where had with the greeting or the subsequent meal and conversation. We again seemed to be able to talk freely. Fast forward to the end of the lunch and I realised I we were running out of time again. I had to leave soon (around 14:30 for more birthday related stuff before going away to see friends this week) and every attempt I had made to bring up a discussion had been side stepped. I had even mentioned it was my birthday this coming week to which he replied “congratulations in advance for Thursday” and that was all. When he eventually went to use the rest room I took the opportunity when he got back and was very direct.
I recently read a post by @ScorpoRising and tried to use some to the language that she suggested but a little not quite as think. I pointed out I had had a great time the previous meets and that I was lucky to have met someone as genuine as himself on seeking and then expressed excitement and a desire to continue to meet… after a quick paus I then followed up with “but I feel that we really need to discuss our arrangement”. He looked a bit caught off guard but recovered well enough talk but the things he said seem evasive again at least to me. He said it would “depend on what we wanted form from the arrangement”. Prior to this we had been talking a lot about travel and places we had been or would like to go. I never asked to be taken to the places but he had heavily hinted that we would travel in the future. I reminded him of this and that (as I also mentioned in the conversation) I don’t currently have a passport. We talked a little about this but I could see it wasn’t sitting well with him and that made me feel uncomfortable (not unsafe or scared, I just don’t like talking about money at the best of times). I remember reading on the forums recently about SB’s that will take less because their affrade to ask for more and used this to encourage myself. The conversation had ended but it wasn’t on a bad note as we had managed lighten things up as little before we agreed to end lunch as I had to leave son and the POT paid (I will add here the also paid the last time after out evening meal)… Does that make him a SD? Maybe someone can tell me.
He wanted to go for a short walk (I might write about this in the Advice forum) which included a lot of heavy kissing and heavy petting in public and some small talk about the agreement. Then we parted and I drove home. Once home he asked if he could ring. We then spoke for about ten minutes. He said he was glad that I had brought up the agreement as he was going to if I had not in this date (I was sceptical of this but said nothing). He then restated his earlier stamen about it depending on what I wanted from the agreement. It was at this point I was a little more forceful with what I felt should be covered remembering some of what I read by @mis . The conversation didn’t really go anywhere except he did agree that he would consider an allowance for the future and covering travel expenses. I still haven’t heard anything from him since speaking when I got home.
Im still on the fence as to whether I continue with the POT and only too aware as @hoosierdaddy has pointed out that my pool of prospects is finite in the area of the UK I live. I will wait to see if I get an offer or I will message when I get home from my week away.
I originally had links to the posts by @ScorpoRising & @mis in the body of text but I believe that was what was stopping my posts from being accepted and in some cases getting me temporally banned so I had to remove them.
Doesn’t sound like he wants to provide you with what you need. Splenda or salt daddy? I think you should try to pin him down on the specific amount. Perhaps suggest what you were thinking about. If he doesn’t come through I would say move on but that is for you to decide if you like him enough to continue to see him knowing he may not come through.
Hi, N-kari, I’m a trans SB also. Trust your instincts. The pool of SD’s interested in our unique profiles isn’t as small as people think. In fact, it can be a real plus with some guys. In our community, we may call some of them “chasers,” but there are also some genuine relationships based on compatibility and chemistry to be had. Intimacy is always on the brain of every SD, so let’s understand that premise. The conversation and physicality will move in that direction more quickly than with a vanilla dating situation. We are sugar babies, and it’s the sugar they’re after. That’s just a fact. I don’t mind discussing the arrangement on the first date, or even before we meet, if that’s what it takes. Take me or leave me. I’m not lonely. I’m never offended when a guy is turned on by me and wants to be touchy-feely, but we all have our own comfort level. Boundaries are important, but they’re going to be a bit different when sugaring. If that makes a person uncomfortable, maybe it’s not the best situation for them. Happy trans sugaring!
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