Home Sugar Support Forum™ Advice Silly newbie questions

This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  SFwinefan 3 weeks, 3 days ago.

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    Very new to this and I have some questions:

    1) If a POT messages you and you aren’t interested, should I reply and say thanks but no thanks or simply ignore?

    2) How long should one be messaging a POT before offering/ agreeing to meet up?

    3) What do SDs typically mean when they say they want a “submissive” SB? Do they mean BDSM?

    • This topic was modified 3 weeks, 4 days ago by  pompoms.
    • This topic was modified 3 weeks, 4 days ago by  pompoms.

    1. It’s totally up to you, but I’ve been operating under the golden rule philosophy (aka would I prefer to hear back “sorry, but based on your profile I just don’t think that we’re looking for the same thing. Best of luck in your search!” or just have them not reply at all) and have found that if I word my response politely POTs have been respectful of that. There are a few exceptions who then tried to convince me that I was wrong, but I’ve had less negative reactions on SA than on traditional dating sites and apps and if they do get pushy I’m quick to block. There’s enough SBs out there that people don’t want to waste their time on one who states that they’re not interested while a lack of response can be interpreted with slightly more ambiguity.
    2. Depends. This has been asked and answered in a number of threads and articles on this site and it will really come down to what you’re looking for/what you’re comfortable with/how busy he is etc…
    3. Yes.



    I agree with everything ElleWinters said. As a SD I’ll add the following.

    1. Personally it’s nice but it doesn’t really matter. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t respond. I can see that you read my message, and if you look at my profile. So if a SB doesnt respond I know why. (The answer is of course that the SB has horrible judgement, why wouldn’t she want me, I’m adorable!)

    2. I usually like to settle expectations before a M&G. To make sure we are both good with everything before we waste time moving forward. I make sure she knows my gifting expecations, how often I will be able to meet and what that means for her as a total financial package. Likewise I make sure she is open to the things I am looking for from the relationship. Once we have agree to those (and it’s not a negotiation so it doesn’t take long), we chat and flirt a bit then setup a M&G. It can happen in one night, or over the course of a few days.

    3. I didn’t know about the submissive thing either, I’m glad you asked that. I’ve never really understood the BDSM world, but to each their own I suppose.



    @pompoms – first, since there are no silly questions, you might want to get your silly character into your profile to show who you are.

    Okay, now that the bad joke out of the way, on to some additional items for a couple of your items, that enhance the very good answers already provided:

    2) Based on my experience and the other postings I’ve seen in the forum – relatively quickly, say no more than a week. It fits with my personal preferences, I want to validate personality, fit and see if the chemistry is there for an arrangement quickly or move on. Also, if I cannot find a potential SB whose schedule works with mine to do a M&G without much effort – I do not see her as having the time to fit my schedule. The counter point is – make sure to email more than once or twice with the SD through the platform to make sure you’re dealing with someone who has the premium membership.

    3) Yes, or it’s someone who is not serious. I think there are a number of men who want to be in charge and assume that means Dom/sub – but they are likely not serious and using jargon they do not really understand.

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