I’m new to the sugar bowl and I’m currently creating my profile. I feel like it sounds like something on match.com. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so what exactly should or shouldn’t put on my profile? I’m a bit of a straight shooter, should I tone it down or let it flow?
My current concoction sounds a little like this:
– About me –
New to the SB lifestyle – let’s get started!
An action-flick fanatic with a penchant for crime dramas and romance novels. A little stick of dynamite with a slightly sarcastic sense of humor – I’m okay stepping out of my comfort zone. I’m a free thinking spirit and I’m not opposed to being challenged – and thrive under duress.
When I’m not glued to Law & Order: SVU marathons, I can be found mediating, in Zumba class, or twirling around in pole fitness classes.
Not the typical SB who just wants free and lavish trips. I’m tad bit realistic with my goals and future; although I’m not opposed to trips. 😉
Don’t be afraid to add some brown sugar into your life…
– What I’m looking for –
– NO CHEMISTRY, NO DEAL. I need someone who is both physically and mentally attractive. I really can’t fake attraction, not even for money. As long as we click mentally, we can go forward with an arrangement. I would prefer to meet in person before receiving any monetary compensation from you.
– A solo relationship: since this is my first ‘sugaring’ experience I don’t want to join couples or those in open relationships.
– I don’t want a permanent pay per date arrangement. I’m open to getting know each other before discussing the financial aspect, however, (pay per meet) blurs the lines for me. I’m not an escort, so I won’t be paid as such.
– I’m looking for a SD that could stimulate my personal growth and provide help for my tuition and living expenses.
– I’m open to either short or long term arrangements and maybe even something real if it comes to that.
Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.
Honestly your here profile is rife with red flags.
“New to the SB lifestyle” This is an open call for all the fakes/flakes/scammers to contact you. And SDs know this. So they will avoid you. As those fakes are going to offer more $ and more exciting things. Even though they have no ability/desire to deliver. So SDs will just move on instead of dealing with that fake competition.
“Not the typical SB” The more someone has to say how different or special they are, the less different and special they are. Also, anything that negates the quality of other SBs shows a lack of belief in one’s self. “I’m tad bit realistic..” All of this together is a bad look.
“Don’t be afraid to add some brown sugar into your life…” Nope. Your skin colour is all but meaningless. Statements like this are going to bring some racial fetish, but the average SD will again see a sign of arrogance. You’re pictures and ethnicity selection on your profile already tell us what you look like.
“NO CHEMISTRY, NO DEAL” Negativity is always a turn off. Add in full caps, and it’s even worse. We know that if there is no chemistry, there is no deal. You don’t drive bad SDs away with statements like this. You drive good ones away.
“I’m open to either short or long term arrangements and maybe even something real if it comes to that.” SRs are real. It’s still a relationship. Albeit a non-traditional one. This line shows me you either do not understand that. Or you don’t think it’s real, therefor to not expect much from you.
“I would prefer to meet in person before receiving any monetary compensation from you.” By bringing this up, you raise the idea that you know about rinsing. That alone is enough for some SDs to skip you. Because if it is in your head, they will think it’s only a matter of time before you do it.
“A solo relationship: since this is my first ‘sugaring’ experience I don’t want to join couples or those in open relationships.” If we trust SA’s numbers, 70% of SDs are married. Most are not in an open relationship. If you want single men only, you are going to have a bit of a harder time. But that’s fine. A better way to say that is “I’m looking for a SD who is single. I do not wish to cause any drama in your home life.”
“I don’t want a permanent pay per date arrangement. I’m open to getting know each other before discussing the financial aspect, however, (pay per meet) blurs the lines for me. I’m not an escort, so I won’t be paid as such.” PPM is the majority of SRs. It is the least abusable method. It may not be great, but it is the most fair for both parties. I understand your desire for a stable allowance (or the like). It also is a terrible look to “shame” the SD into not treating you like an escort. It doesn’t matter if a SD gives you $200 PPM or $1000 PPM or $5000 monthly allowance. At the end of the day, if you don’t forge a relationship with your SD then how you get the money does not matter. If you don’t care for him, you are an escort. If you are in a relationship, then you are not. No amount of mental gymnastics about “how” you are paid changes that.
There are many other bad aspects of the remaining I’m just going to list them. These should be removed:
“I need someone who is both physically and mentally attractive.”
“I really can’t fake attraction, not even for money.”
“As long as we click mentally, we can go forward with an arrangement.”
At the moment your profile is all about you and what you DON’T want. There is zero reason for me to contact you. Why? Why should I bother to say hi? What do you offer that will make my time with you better? How is my life more enjoyable with you in it? What sets you apart from every other profile that is me-centric? There are 10-14 SBs for each SD. Right now your profile is going to be discarded unless those other 9-13 SB profiles are worse than yours. YOU have to win us over. You have to be the aggressor. You have to sell us on the idea that you are worth our time and allowance. At the moment, your profile does none of that.
Listen, I get the over analyzing you do, because I have done it as well over the years. You read all these statistics and you hear all these awful stories and you think you will never get anywhere when there are 10-15 other SB’s willing to do more or put up with more, etc. You want to protect yourself and you want to come across as unique. However, the more you overthink it, the more your profile comes across as contrived and disingenuine. You need to just speak about yourself and let it flow naturally.
Honestly, what you say does not matter as much as what you don’t say. Don’t come across as negative (you’re supposed to be where the SD goes to unwind and let go), Don’t come across as selfish or self centered, and don’t make the POT feel shitty. Everything else will fall into place. For however many bad messages you have had from scammers, etc. I guarantee you the POT has had 10x as many from women looking to use him or actual escorts.
Most profiles are not good to go at the start. So don’t worry about it as long as you have a solid idea, the rest can be changed at later times. Just remember, your first two weeks you are going to be flooded with a lot of crazy offers. Take all of them with a pinch of salt.
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