Home Sugar Support™ Forum Money POT and allowance

This topic contains 6 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by xoxoMissA xoxoMissA 8 months ago.

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  • #36208
    xoxoMissA
    xoxoMissA
    Participant

    I’ve been talking to a POT for about 3 weeks now, he’s seems very genuine. I had some unfortunate events happen about 2 weeks ago, I talked to him about (without asking for pity or any kind of financial help) he offered to send me a couple hundred to help me out, I Kindly refused to accept the help. He said it was as a gift and he didn’t expect anything in return and would send it via PayPal. I was scared to accept in fear of it being a scam, and really didn’t need more bad luck coming my way. After a few days we talked on the phone and he sounds like the man in the pictures and seems to be who he says he is. I felt more comfortable with him after talking over the phone, he sent me some money on PayPal to get a new watch. It went through and so far haven’t had any issues with him or with my account or anything. He wants to fly me out to him next month which is a couple states away for a weekend. He said he would pay all expenses and give me some shopping money while we are there.
    I guess what I’m asking is if this is normal? We have yet to meet in person, and he’s already gifted me once. Is this safe to travel to him? Since he has already gifted me once this means we’ve started our arrangement?
    This is my first time in the sugar bowl, and my first actual POT who seems legit.
    Advice please!

    • This topic was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by xoxoMissA xoxoMissA.
    #36219
    Charmingandwitty
    Charmingandwitty
    Participant

    If it was a gift, it was a gift and not the beginning of an arrangement unless you both clearly agreed to it. Here are a few things to think about when thinking about traveling to a POT. If he’s flying you out, he has to know your personal information in order to book the ticket. He’ll know your full legal name and address. How are you financially? Can you afford to bail and find your way home if it turns out poorly? Do you know the area you’re traveling to? Are you ready to have sex with him?

    It’s not uncommon for a SD to fly his SB out and give her a per diem (daily allowance). It is uncommon for someone to do it without a first meeting. If you don’t feel comfortable communicating with him enough to find out what his expectations are and asking him for an exit strategy if it doesn’t go well, don’t do it. If you don’t have the funds to get home safely on your own, don’t do it. I’m firmly in the don’t do it camp. I don’t like the idea of you in an unfamiliar city with a virtual stranger. Who will have your back if it all goes wrong? Your support network will be back home, a few states away. He’s also a few states away, there are very few long distance SDs. One of the more attractive aspects of having a SB is convenience, it is not convenient to fly to your SB or fly her out to you. It’s not adding up. To summarize, no, it’s not safe to travel to him and no, you haven’t started your arrangement.

    #36227
    SFwinefan
    SFwinefan
    Participant

    @xoxoMissA, I would echo what @Charmingandwitty notes. I also would check the timeframe where the PayPal transaction can be undone.

    I assume that he initially made contact with you – and I would basically ask why. Unless he is somewhere very obscure, there are likely quite a few potential SBs that are much more convenient to him. It has the feeling of being … sketchy is high. (Mind you, I’m often wrong, and you’re closer to things, but I would trust your gut feel on something like this rather than convincing yourself that you’re imagining something.)

    #36247
    xoxoMissA
    xoxoMissA
    Participant

    Thank you both for your replies.

    I’ve been feeling a little sketched about the whole thing. I’ve never been to the place he is wanting me to travel to.
    He did however, say he would send me the money and have me book flight.
    But like @charmingandwitty said, my support network will be couple states away.

    I think I’ve made up my mind.
    Better safe than sorry.
    Thank you both again.

    Another question, should I send him the money he sent me back? I feel like its the right thing to do…

    #36271

    DontCallMeDaddy
    Participant

    “You may just be a fantastic guy, but you seem too good to be true.” Then just tell him exactly why you made the decision. Then offer to return the gift (only because you feel its the right thing to do.) If he’s legit, he won’t be offended and he’ll tell you to keep the gift.

    #36339
    SouthernSD
    SouthernSD
    Participant

    I second what @dontcallmedaddy stated with this addition.

    If you are Able to travel to my city, “I would feel much safer and would be pleased to have a Meet and greet dinner/lunch/drink with you.”

    #36479
    xoxoMissA
    xoxoMissA
    Participant

    @DontCallMeDaddy Thats great advice, thank you!

    @SouthernSD He wanted me to visit since he has a whole week off, still seems a little weird to me why he would want me to go for a weekend (since I have class M-F) instead of him coming here during his 7 days off.

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