Tagged: Too good to be true
I hope I’m putting this into the correct forum!
I have not yet met this POT as he lives about three hours away from me, but we’ve talked on the phone. The thing is, he seems almost too good to be true. He has a beach house and a condo, wants to help me reach my creative goals, wants to pay for my college education, and wants my daughter and I to eventually live with him rent-free (he’d give me a small allowance). Obviously for him the return is that I’d basically be a sexy housewife, though he hasn’t said it in that blunt of words (he talked about putting a pole in the living room, for goodness sake).
However, he doesn’t seem to ‘get’ that there’s a lot more risk involved on my part than there is for him. He’s background-checked on Seeking, but a background check only finds what’s on record. I expressed to him in our first conversation that I’d want to take this really slow and get to know each other really well before I considered moving in, since my daughter’s safety is my number one priority, but he’s already wanting me to come over to his place and consider going to his condo in Mexico for a couple of weeks soon.
We get on really well since we’re interested in a lot of the same things — I really enjoy our conversations — but since this is my first time sugaring, I’m not sure if his eagerness is a red flag or not. I understand that he’s been looking for a solid long-term arrangement for several years now, and I don’t really want to completely ruin my chances for such a great arrangement. How do I handle proceeding with a first date and letting him get to know me, in a way that makes it clear to him that it’ll possibly be months before I’m comfortable seriously moving in with him?
It sounds like you ask yourself the right questions and know your priorities.
Don’t just get blinded , by a condo & beach house (I’d say most SD have the means for those) for ending up being 100% dependant of him (unless you get a ring soon). A “small allowance” while living with him for doing what exactly ? Because if he wants you to be a full on “housewife”, sex partner,…, for a couple hundreds, it almost sound like slavery to me !
But if he is legit, he should understand your situation and not pressure you to go any faster than you feel comfortable to.
And be careful if you go to Mexico. I’m not trying to say this because of any political reason, I’m in Europe and US Immigration is the last thing on my mind… But Mexico has more “unnatural deaths” than any other countriy in the world (except Syria), and numbers keep growing…
Think about it this way. If this were a non-arrangement, how long would you have to date someone before moving in? For me, it would be at least a year, if not two years! Travel sounds fun. If I had been dating someone for six months and everything was going well, I’m sure I would feel comfortable with international travel.
Eagerness is actually a red flag for abusers, SD or not. They are soooo excited… to control you! A real SD will make you feel you are in a comfortable, consensual relationship, and not being pushed to do anything you don’t want to do. Of course a lot of SD’s have fantasies about their SB’s living with them… but it can be a fantasy for now. 😉
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