Home Sugar Support™ Forum Advice Problems with a previous SD

This topic contains 11 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Lilith Girl Lilith Girl 4 days, 22 hours ago.

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  • #45501
    Lilith Girl
    Lilith Girl
    Participant

    To give you just the basics I met my previous SD through work, not on SA.he never said it was an arrangment and I was led to believe it was a relationship! He lied about being married which I was suspicious of but found out towards the end. It started off great, lots of passion but about 3 months in he started to change, get moody. Lie and start playing mind games. By 5his point he was helping me finically which I appreciated greatly ( but I suspect it was some twisted way to keep me rather than to help me ) I fell for him very deeply, because he never outlined what we were and led me to believe he could have more than truthfully could. The mind games and nastiness got to the point that I knew I had to pull away so I snooped ( not something I’d normally do ) and found out he is married. Not divorced 18 years like he claimed. Infact he runs the business with his wife and lives with her and all the typical stuff.

    The sad part is he could have had his cake and eaten it if he had been honest with me and not been such a selfish prick but nope, he had to play games, I really think he got a kick out of that.

    I broke off with him via text because I didn’t want to lose my resolve. Simple this isn’t working for me, sorry take care. Done.

    For a month he was quiet, I saw and heard nothing, never got a reply which summed up how little I clearly meant to him and I started to move on. I came on here and started looking for an honest arrangment where lines are drawn clearly and I know what I should and should not feel.

    Then I noticed he was stalking me, or lurking I guess is the right term. He would check my profile on my site daily sometimes several times a day ( I check my visitor log daily and he knows this ) then he found my other work page and checks that too. It feels like he is keeping himself firmly in my eye line and this has been going on for a month.

    Today I got the dreaded text. Basically offering me the other ticket to a festival we were meant to go to ( as friends if I still want to be friends ) and that he has a dress he knows I would normally like to shoot in and would like to loan it to me. Now I know without asking that the dress will me latex as that’s my thing and we used to book into hotels and I’d dress in latex and we’d have sex. The fact he is borrowing this dress implies a lot. Maybe he has a new muse…maybe he’s just rubbing my nose in or maybe it’s a lure but it’s most certainly true to form games.

    I got this text an hour ago and I’ve been shaking since. I’m not sure how to handle this. I still have feelings for him, wish I didn’t. This comes right odd the heel of me finding my lovely new SD and it taints the water abit.

    Any thoughts or advice?

    #45504

    ridethehorse
    Participant

    I understand your mixed feelings about this and I completely relate. He f*cked up, then gave you some time to cool down and now he’s hoping you’re over it and ready to start over. are you? I wouldn’t drag this situation any longer. He sounds like a compulsive liar and user. Why would you lie to a SB about being married? Yes, it absolutely sounds like he wants to have sex with you. I would tell him to shove the dress AND the ticket at the same time. Move on. feelings will go away, especially if you remind yourself how disgusted you should feel by a liar. He knew 100% what he was doing when he didn’t tell you he was married and chose to lead you on . I hope your new SD is a sweetheart and I want to hear some juicy details if possible *wink*

    • This reply was modified 5 days, 6 hours ago by  ridethehorse.
    #45508
    Lilith Girl
    Lilith Girl
    Participant

    @ridethehorse

    I have been trying so hard to get over him, harder because I can’t talk to my friends only about it now I know he was married and basically giving me money. The judgement I’d get lol

    This is text I got an hour ago.
    Hi, I appreciate that from your last text to me you probably didn’t want to hear from me again but I have your ticket for ( festival name ) at the end of the month. I’m still going and if you’d like to go as friends ( if we still are ) then in happy to take you/let you have the ticket. I also have a dress that I’ve borrowed that i know your ordinarily want to shoot in, I didn’t want to do anything without offering to you first

    To avoid confusion here, I will admit I do Fetish Modeling and photography. We met when he booked me to model for him. And so he’s on the site I network on so he can rub stuff in my face and stalk me as much as he likes. I suspect the dress is some plot to make me feel shit. Perhaps I’m over thinking

    #45510
    Lilith Girl
    Lilith Girl
    Participant

    @ridethehorse

    The new SD seems like a sweetheart but people lie all th time. However he has been very fourthcoming with his life circumstances and that went a very lon way with me. I think he’s a darling.

    The thing is and I am ashamed to ad it this the sex with the previous SD ( If we can call him that ) was mind blowing and I miss it. It haunts me alittle, so I am hoping the new one will be great too. That’s a lot of pressure on a new SD – no I have not told him about all this. And hope my previous isn’t going to start stalking me in life too. He made me so unhappy I lost a stone in weight while with him and was so miserable. Never knowing where I stood, why he was acting the way he did. How he went from caring and wanting to spread time with me to treating me like a pain in his arse he couldn’t be bothered with. I knew he was searching for a new SB those last months we were together.

    Why would he want to be friends, we were never friends. I don’t even feel like he liked me apart from the sex

    #45511

    ridethehorse
    Participant

    yeah I was gonna say, “stay friends”???? what a delusional POS

    #45512
    Lilith Girl
    Lilith Girl
    Participant

    @ridethehorse I am not thinking clearly, I’m spiining.

    Delusional POS?

    I’m not sure what his motive here is.

    I never told him I loved him but I think he knew. Just didn’t want to give him that last sliver of power.

    He is the only man I have met in my whole life who could make me tremble. Sounds lame when put into words but for me atleast the attraction was overwhelming and this gave him a lot of power.

    Sadly the first 3 months were the best. He was attentive and passionate, fun to be with and then snap on 3 months just when I was getting comfortable with the once a week fun he got distant and moody and starting looking. He lied about that but he is using the work site to shoot and seduce models, like he did me. My regret is I fell for it, that I let it go on for so long and I hate myself for being hung up on him.

    This is in part she this arrangment and honesty on this site appeals. I don’t want to get too emotionally involved and I don’t want anything serious.

    I think he is on here too, but I blocked the account

    #45515
    josieforyou
    josieforyou
    Participant

    Why are the assholes always the best in bed? 😒

    In all seriousness though, you know what to do. Don’t respond… Don’t take the bait. He sounds like trash and didn’t treat you how you deserve to be treated. Even if you still have feelings for him, don’t tell him that. Your silence gives you power over him.

    And with a new SD you’ll hopefully be able to get yourself all the tickets and nice dresses you want 😉

    #45519
    Lilith Girl
    Lilith Girl
    Participant

    @josieforyou

    The irony being I never wanted to go to that festival, I was only going because it meant solid 2 days with him instead of a weekday evening. I just wanted to grab every second I could to be with him.

    The dress would only be a loan and if the other models he is shooting are any indication it wouldn’t fit me anyway. Potentially that could make me look bad as a model.

    He was always flash and no draws or how do Americans say all hat and no cattle? No real substance

    I hear you on the why do the arseholes have to be so good in bed, but trust me not all of them, sadly this one was too good for his own good. We were perfectly aligned in that department

    • This reply was modified 5 days, 5 hours ago by Lilith Girl Lilith Girl.
    #45530

    @Josieforyou As soon as you get the answer to the whole “why are the assholes always the best in bed?” question could you let me know? I’ve been wondering that myself. @Lilith Girl 1, the fact that he wants you to wear someone else’s latex is just…ick. That whole situation just feels degrading and disrespectful. Does the owner of said dress know he’s going to be using it on someone else? Just…yuck. This guy is no good all the way around, here’s what I suggest, half of your hangup over him is you, you spent months reshaping yourself to accommodate someone who couldn’t be pleased and didn’t care. Now you have all of these behaviors and thought processes that revolve around him. It’s time to ween yourself and relearn how to not have those reactions. He…he’s nothing, useless, another lesson learned on the road to becoming whoever you’re going to be. Block him everywhere you can and ignore him everywhere else. If he starts physically stalking you, go to the authorities and fill out whatever paperwork you have to to have a paper trail so that when you eventually have to mace him or hit him over the head with something heavy you’ll be backed up by law. You got this.

    #45533

    SFwinefan
    Participant

    @Lilith_Girl, very good for you to post.

    Your basic description sounds like he employs manipulation, attempts control, and given your weight loss (I am inferring here) probably blended some level of criticism with his praise. Quite frankly it sounds like an early dive into coercive control and a situation you want to stay well clear of with him. There are actually some great resources in the UK (where stalking is actually illegal) for you, two of which are here:

    Paladin National Stalking Advocacy (UK based)

    Dash Risk Checklist

    (Google them, I cannot add links in the post.)

    I may be reading more into your details, but they are setting off warning bells for me. The relationship dynamics can often get risky, particularly when ending things, but it also sounds like you ended things early. In short, you know you should not engage, but he knows you and how to appeal to you – which is why he is trying to re-establish the connection.

    Good luck!

    #45569
    Lilith Girl
    Lilith Girl
    Participant

    @ThatOtherCharmingWit

    Why are arseholes great in bed. My theory is because their not too concerned with what the woman likes or because they have had a lot of experience. This guy knew the moves I like. I hate it when men are on top and flop all their body weight on top of you, it’s like being winded. I always say I prefer more thrust less weight lol

    Loaning out and borrowing latex and costumes is common place in the Modeling world so I don’t think that’s the real issue. But if he was F***ing the other model who is wearing it before or after me that would be a sick little twist. I think honestly it’s his way of saying I’m shooting latex but a lot of what he is doing could be to worm his way back, or just out to hurt me. I am not sure which of those options scares me more. The one thing I do know is if I went back that would be a road of hurt. He only wants me back ( assuming he wants me back ) as he has not found my replacement and that festival ticket was a lot of money which he is standing to lose at this point.

    Darling, I have spent 2 months trying to ween myself off this nasty little addiction. I thought I had after a month until he starting stalking me online and I pulled way from those sites which has cost me work I’m sad to say. But I’ve started going back on there and trying to ignore him. I’ve just found my new SD who is lovely and I am so excited to start seeing him but then this text came out of the blue and knocked me side ways. I guess I am at that point of stop dwelling, the best way to get over someone old is to get under someone new.

    I live a two hour drive from him. However I am worried. His constant lurking didn’t get the reaction he wanted, so now he’s text. What does he do when that doesn’t get a reaction? I just have his gut feeling he is going to be nasty like like a spoiled brat who can’t have his own way.

    I’ve looked into blocking him on the work site, not a practical option sadly

    #45571
    Lilith Girl
    Lilith Girl
    Participant

    @SFwinefan.

    I didn’t lose the weight because I was dieting or him saying such things, just the pure stress alone. I just want to clarify that.

    You’d be right, he is a control freak ( my usual type apparently ) and he is very charming and manipulative. I was with him 6 months, first 3 months heaven last 3 not so great to f***ing awful. It turned into a toxic relationship as the nolvaty of having me wore off I guess. I think he got off on playing mind games, this is the first thing that has me running to the hills. The fact he lied about being married was also not good. I even told him I’d still see him if he were married, because I had a suspicion and wanted to give him that chance to admit it so we could move on, but he never took it and just perpetuated lies and stories and played stupid mind games. And for awhile there he had me chasing my own tail and pinning but even a heart has a limit on what it can endure and after the last two months I knew it would never get better but it would get worse. So I chose to break things off. Honestly at the time I really thought by ending things I was giving him what he wanted, that how s**t he was being. Apparently I was wrong. Maybe he just enjoys making his lovers feel like shit. As a man I’d want my woman to feel like a goddess but then am a giver. And too ni e for my own good I am told .

    His loss is someone else’s gain

    I know there is help for stalking but does that count for online stalking? I’ve only had once text and I assume ( hope that’s the only one ) so I don’t think I have much of a case. I can hardly say he keeps looking at my Modeling Page, please make him stop. Or he’s copying my Modeling and photography work to annoy me please make him stop.

    I doubt he’d come this far, but I don’t want to tempt fate

    I just feel miserable right now.

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