So I met this SD about almost 2 months back and we’ve kinda hit it off from the beginning, even though I felt I was led with old pics of him when he was not as heavy, I’ve kinda put that to rest because I’m not exactly Victoria Secrets model material myself.. Well we’ve seen each other at least once a week most times and he come to my place since he lives outside the city limits but he works and plays inside the city all the time.. I made the first mistake of sleeping with him too early on without having a clear arrangement and even though I bring it up sometimes about getting something clear, he’s says you can ask me anything and I’ll see if we’re on the same page.. Well out of these visits he’s given me $100 twice (because that’s all he has on him..) But we’ve had sex like at least 6 or 7 times already.. I kinda distanced myself for about 2 weeks because I felt I was being taken advantage of because I was new to this.. he had contacted me again really late wanting to come over and I explained this to him how I was feeling.. I know the dude is rich because he lives off of a popular lake, with a boat and drives a porche.. He’s a construction developer.. He said he would do better and that it is partly his fault for not making things clear.. I asked him what he thought this was between us and he told me friends with benefits.. I think he thinks that having sex(which is actually pretty amazing despite him being much smaller down there than I’m use to, he listens to what I like and is quite amazing with other parts of his body.) is something he’s doing me a favor with.. I told him if I wanted just sex out of this, I’d find someone closer to my age(he’s 48 and I’m 28..) I’m just wondering about how much should I ask for starting out?? My monthly expenses come out to about $2200/month and I make $2400/month (the reason my expenses are so close to my take home pay is because I was stupid and desperate enough to take out a title loan on top of a existing loan and also because I lost most of my assistance from the government so I’m paying out of pocket for a lot of things despite being a single mother not getting any child support and taking on another child, my nephew since my sister passed away last December.. ) I was thinking $1000/month which comes out to about $250/wk I think that’ll help me get back on my feet and start saving back up since I’ll be going back to school at the beginning of the year.. I need help, I think he’s really understanding but I don’t want this to cause strife..
@javachip210, wow, that’s a lot of information. Let me see if I can recap the salient points quickly here before giving my answer:
1) You met a very well off man a couple of months ago and started a sexual relationship with him
2) It sounds like you met online, since his pics were old
3) He gets together with you about once a week and has given you a couple of small gifts over two months
4) He regards the situation as ‘friends with benefits’
It sounds like you have a friend with benefits and not a Sugar Daddy. As for advice, it’s tough, since you want to convert him to being your SD. I would simply tell him what you need (it sounds like you have done your analysis), and let him know you are looking for that in the relationship. Be very prepared for him to walk out, since you do not have an arrangement in place. Second, you ask for advice on amount. That varies greatly, so think about what you want/need and be clear about it. It is not clear to me that you ever go out and play together or if you simply host when he comes over once a week for a night in. Just realize that you need to set parameters that you are happy with for the sugar relationship.
I also want to end with a reinforcement that the discussion has a high probability of ending things between you. It sounds like he is not looking at this as a sugar relationship.
I have to agree with @sfwinefan that he may walk away. Since you already know you made a mistake of not having an arrangement before having sex, I am not going to mention it. From the looks of things, he seem to like to bed you often and if I were in your shoes, I’d not have any more sex until you have a serious talk with him.
If you are friends with benefits as he stated, let him know you have needs that surpasses the $100 he is giving you. Don’t make it sound like you are ungrateful but a $100 is just not cutting it (it’s ridiculous but please don’t say that to him).
When you approach the subject, do it tentatively and don’t mention everything you stated here so that you can see his reaction. If he is enjoying you draining his balls, then he’d likely come around and help you.
Don’t give IT up until you have a talk with him if you know what I mean.
@Seattle Slew: “not going to mention it” I don’t think these words mean what you think they mean.
True, but I’m pretty sure “he is enjoying you draining his balls” means exactly that, so…she gets partial credit.
Have you considered the possibility he may be so overextended that he doesn’t have a lot of disposable income and that’s why you aren’t getting much?
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