Home Sugar Support™ Forum Advice SB has a new BF

This topic contains 12 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by ThatOtherCharmingWit ThatOtherCharmingWit 3 months ago.

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    Alright, we have known each other for months now. She(23 yr) is single and always complained that
    was lonely ( college and peer pressure on seeing other couples there).
    Now has a BF and wants to get serious. I have been told, no more intimacy.
    She also says is confused. I want her to be happy. She has a great family background and want her to do what is right for her.
    Thinking of keeping her as a friend and mentor her and can offer some minimal assistance, but I cannot spoil more than 1 SB.
    Also if the BF needs a girl, he needs to take care of her needs. At least, I did when I had a serious GF.
    Moreover, I was used to the constant interaction with the SB through the day via messages. Now I think the SB’s focus has
    shifted to the BF rightfully and the messages have died down.
    Don’t want to steer the SB in any specific direction and thinking of stepping away. Both of us cared deeply for the other
    and had a great connection. Was offering to travel international next month and she still says wants to go, but will
    need to fib about it. Now, I am skeptic if I should even keep that offer open.
    I was hoping to keep this SB for the long term, but nothing good lasts I guess :)

    Any thoughts? Suggestions?



    @golferkris, it sounds like you know what you want to do and are just looking for validation. If that’s the case, you can stop reading now.

    Swapping places with you, my read is the following. Things are now no intimacy and the communication you shared with her has dropped off markedly as she focuses on her BF. To me that is a perfect example of the time to step away. I would be honest with her that if you’re travelling together, you are going to want intimacy – and you do not want to put her in an uncomfortable situation where your expectations do not align. I might provide a gift/meet to talk – but that would be driven by the relationship we had and ending it graciously.

    One final note: whether or not her current BF ‘takes care of her needs” or not is a subject you do not need to worry about.



    Step away from the regular arrangement, but tell her to contact you if she needs anything. Only see her if it’s gonna be a booty call. Giving her sugar just to talk to her is ridiculous and you shouldn’t stoop that low. You’d also be surprised how often young guys don’t do it like older guys do and how often girls from this sex positive generation will take on multiple partners.

    I bet you she will still be intimate if you take her on a trip. I’d probably just take the gamble and bring her without making a big deal about it. Then, you just let it happen.

    My last few serious SBs remain occasional booty calls. Sometimes, they need advice or a favor and sometimes they just need good sex. One even asked me do her in front of a new boyfriend that was almost my age, liked being cuckolded and even paid for a really nice dinner. You never know what can come about if you stay on good terms and keep communications open.

    Young guys are also often insecure, so even texting her could land her in a heap of trouble. You might as well just be intimate and lying about it if you’re going to keep texting. At least you get to enjoy each other physically.


    She will be back in 3 months when she realizes BF is a broke ash, lazy dude.



    Thank you all for the advice. I tried to pull myself out by reaching out to a new SB for some platonic company to let my mind recover.
    At the end of the day of hanging around and on my way back home, I called and talked to the old SB, when I told her what I was up to,
    she was all in tears. Her BF blew away a meeting that evening with her family and went out to play. She was distraught that I had also already decided to move on. I was
    on my way home and it was real bad weather. She said was not feeling good and that she wanted me to go home, but I instead drove to her place enroute and told
    her I was outside. She stepped out and I was able to see for a few minutes and console her. She has asked me to stay as a friend for now and says that she screwed up.
    Given the uncertainty and the at-risk investment involved for travel, she said is better to forget about it for now. Oh well.
    I guess time will tell.



    @golferkris, good luck! It sounds like you may be in for some drama if you stay as a friend or keep the sugar relationship option open. It looks like you also know your tolerance for it and level of affection for her (which would be my inputs for making a decision).

    Good luck, and as @SouthernSD says, in 3 months (or less based on your update) she’ll be back.



    Thank you. Yes, the Drama continues:
    SB called and says the BF is saying she needs to lose weight. Also that she could use a boob job .
    What’s wrong with young guys – Stupid. I never had such a request to my GF who had much much smaller assets in my early days.
    Anyway, I am trying to not bias in anyway and let her make her own assessment.
    But I told that I am not in favor of going under the knife for anyone and be comfortable with what you have. Why buy
    problems for $. It could result in more issues. Today it is the issue related to looks. Tomorrow some thing else will
    get pointed out and cannot be fixed.




    I give it two weeks…three weeks tops


    @SouthernSD – LOL!

    @golferkris – This seems like a fair amount of drama you’re dealing with. It’s obvious that you’re a patient and caring SD. Good on you for that. Just remember that sugaring should be fun. When it stops being fun, it’s time to step away.



    Update – Just had a convo with SB and was told that the BF is not driven.
    Has a professional degree in a hot field, does freelancing and now living on savings. No passion for anything. SB does not feel the
    bufferflies. I stepped in and said that she deserves someone that is motivated and at least with some level of drive. Make hay when the sunshines.
    Cannot sit around and do nothing while young. Need to go out and achieve something. SB already says that this won’t last. Just feel bad for SB.
    She is a great person with a lot of great qualities. Still waiting for the curtains to drop.


    I don’t understand. If she is truly unhappy with the guy then why not drop him? Why give up an SD you were happy with to be with someone who doesn’t make you happy?



    @TheLovelyMarian, remember your timestamps. This entire soap opera is two days old from the first post.

    By my best guess, tears are about 12 hours out, broken dishes 2 days, make up sex 2 days and 20 minutes, rending of vestments 4 days, party and sex 5 days, and the break up 10 days. You gotta give a relationship time to develop and mature.


    LOL @SFwinefan I have nothing to add to the post that hasn’t already been said, I just wanted to acknowledge the laugh.

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