First off, I want to be very clear that I in no way am advocating treating sugaring as a transactional business. Sugar aside, ALL relationships, no matter how vanilla, are analogous to the sales process. At some point, most women will want to get a man’s signature on the contract (marriage license.) To achieve this, there needs to be a proposal. Both proposal and contract are sales terms, and marriage is the most important business deal that you will ever negotiate.
That out there, I’d like to give my thoughts on how a novice SB can use the sales process to craft their initial contact (in this case: profile.)
The steps are as follows:
Identify your target audience (daddy)
Brainstorm what that target daddy is thinking (henceforth known as WODaM What’s On Daddy’s Mind.)
Use this understanding of WODaM to create a profile that will get opened (by target daddy – nobody cares about the salt/splenda/scammers.)
Once opened, compel daddy to open/continue communication with you.
I’m assuming here that I am talking to someone who wants to be a sugar baby, not an escort. If any man will do if he has cash, that’s not sugaring. I see time and again women longing for a more mature male than those their age, a man who treats women with honor/respect, as well as descriptors such as dignified and sophisticated. Is that your target, or someone different? Whatever/whoever your ideal daddy is, figure it out in solid terms. Consider some options like mentor, dominate, married/single, or specific line of work.
It’s going to be different depending on who you have identified as your ideal daddy.
I can only speak for myself, but I can tell you that one commonality is that we all are faced with many options, too many to open them all.
This is important, and every baby needs to understand this. There is disagreement as to just how wide the gap is between legit daddies and babies. It’s impossible to know for sure with the obvious glut of fake profiles from scammers to 20 somethings that think an extra $100 a month to spend makes them sugar daddies. There are plenty of fake SB profiles too, but I believe a far lower percentage than SDs. In my opinion there are triple figure babies for every legitimate daddy out there, but as I am more pessimistic than most, let’s use a much more conservative number and do some math.
Let’s say that in a given area there are 4 quality daddies of your chosen type. Conservatively, again in my opinion VERY conservatively, there are 100 babies vying for those daddies. So your odds are 1 in 25, right? No. That is not how math works. Let’s say three of those daddies find their baby and those pair off. Either can have multiple partners but especially from the daddy perspective, we’re looking for just one at a time, so let’s say the baby is happy to have one daddy as well. You are now in competition with 96 other babies, not 24, for that one last daddy. By the way, SPOILER ALERT: this is also why buying two lottery tickets for that big jackpot does NOT double your chances to win.
That may sound bleak, but I do offer hope. Most SB profiles are garbage. That’s not hyperbole, if the internet had odors, 95% of SB profiles would attract flies. (I hear you SimpleSimone, SD’s aren’t much better.) That’s the good news for you; if you put in some effort it is easy to stand out.
So WODaM (for any type of daddy)? I can say that I doubt I’m alone in not only looking for a reason to open a profile, but just as importantly, looking for a reason not to. Concentrate first on eliminating the reasons to next you unopened, then work on catching an eye positively.
Crafting the profile that gets results-
There are two stages to the profile. Get it opened, then get communication going.
You have three tools for getting a profile opened: your primary photo, your username, and what I call the tagline.
Photo: More on photos later, but that primary is critical. Your best bet here is a simple portrait, and for God’s sake smile. Most of the time when I peruse the profiles it is a game to guess whether she is plotting to murder the photographer, grieving the loss of close loved one, or constipated. It seems someone is telling you that happy people aren’t sexy. This is a lie; happy people are the most sexy. Smile. Please, really, I mean it, smile. Boom, you just stood out in the crowd.
As for Snapchat filters: don’t. Did you choose sophisticated or mature in the identify stage? WODaM when he is mature and he sees a Snapchat filter? WODaM is “she’s a child.” Did you choose pedophile in your identify stage? Great, keep the Snapchat filter, otherwise no floral crowns, no dog ears, no doe eyes, no button noses, just no.
Oh and, as odd as it seems to me to have to say it, don’t stick your tongue out.
I see these as having interchangeable advice. First avoid words like princess, queen, mistress, or spoil. Above all stay positive. I understand your frustration with Splenda and scammers, but “don’t waste my time”, or “read whole profile before contacting” is doing you no favors. It can only hurt you. If it is therapeutic to write it down, do it on a piece of paper and then rip that paper to mother flippin shreds. Keep the profile only positive.
Two ways to stand out positively are say something clever, or play up what’s special about you. I have a well documented weakness for redheads, so I always react positively when a username has Ginger in it for instance. Are you an athlete? Studying hard sciences? Champion caber tosser? Let’s hear about it.
Clever can be intriguing or funny. I’ve mentioned “touch my butt and buy me pizza” before, I recently saw “Mosquitos seem to like me anyway” and “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” Both made me smile and think “she’s funny, I like her.” BTW, we’re going to talk about “show don’t tell” later. This is a perfect example. I’ve read “I’m funny” a thousand times, but it never meant a thing. Those taglines that made me laugh, that’s show don’t tell.
Profile opened, now what?-
I’m going to be the bearer of great news here (talk about bad casting): it gets even easier from here. The vast majority of SB profiles’ About Me and What I’m Looking For sections are virtually (if not literally) empty. Nothing. I’m talking the vacuum of space here. If there is anything written, it’s vacuous and inane. Stay positive, put some effort in, and you are almost certainly going to come off like a rock star.
The only things I really need to say about the About Me section are: don’t be fooled; we know it says about you, but you care about WODaM, right? Yeah, it’s about him. In this case, yes, talk about you but in terms of what being with you would be like. Paint a picture, show don’t tell (remember that). Spock, do yourself a favor, for once in your life, don’t say “I like to have fun.” Breaking News: EVERYONE likes to have fun (well actually I can think of some miserable people but we’re not going to talk about politics here.) If you want to communicate fun, describe an activity that you enjoy.
We decided on that main one. BTW pro tip: do you think that the cropping tool within SEEKING cropped that boyfriend/date/friend out of the photo? It didn’t. That tool only centers the portion that will be in the thumbnail. Opened up, we can see the whole photo. Speaking of which, pictures of you draped over another guy? Not appealing.
What else? Some will say 3-5, personally I’m happy with 2-3 if the basics are met, and one pic can cover multiple basics. You did give me the smile right? Now give me an idea of your figure. I’m not saying it has to be a bikini shot, and it needs to be tasteful and classy (assuming that’s the daddy you’re looking for.) Another is show me you can be presentable at a nice restaurant, theatre, or other function. If you don’t have the wardrobe, don’t sweat it. I’ll take care of that when the time comes, but you can show class without an expensive dress. Bonus for action shots. I love the skydiving, surfing, hiking etc. shots and I’ll never forget the baby in Daisy Dukes firing an AR15. To quote the great American Paris Hilton: “That’s hot.”
Private photos are generally a waste of time. If you absolutely can’t show your face on public photos, that’s the only real reason to have private ones. The private ones have to meet SA standards anyway so they can’t be more revealing than public ones can be. If you do feel you have to obscure your face, I highly recommend the technique of showing one half. Obviously if your eyes are amazing show the top half, if your smile dazzles do the reverse. Just give us something clear to be attracted to rather than blur the whole thing; that’s no better than having no pictures at all.
You’ve done the work, now don’t waste it by sitting back and waiting for attention. Remember those odds? Roles are reversed in the bowl; you are the hunter. Go search the profiles, use that keyword search field, and find the daddies that match your identified type. Don’t be shy to message them first.
So that’s it. It may seem like a lot of work, but everything worthwhile in life is. The Homer Simpson line: “Lisa honey, if something’s difficult, it’s not worth doing”: that was a joke when it was written. But take some time, at least as much as it took me to write this up, and you could get the sugar daddy you really want. I wish you well.
This is so helpful! Thank you for taking the time out to write this!
This is an excellent write up and I hope everyone pays attention to it especially about the ” how to write the profile”. It is so, so important to attract the right caliber of man one is seeking.
My only disagreement with the write up is the take on private photos. Why? I view private photos as an extra vetting tool for the right man as a SB. When I used my private photos, I didn’t have anything scandalous. But whenever someone requested to see them, I then went unto their profile, read and decided if my photos should be released. Doing it this way made me have control and also weed out scammers. For example, some of the people who reached out to me profile’s weren’t a match. Hence, refused to released photos. But I know everyone’s experience is different.
Interesting thing is my current SD didn’t request nor care for them and neither did he have a picture himself. Not a single one and he is the perfect man I am lucky to have :).
It makes me happy to know that my sugar spirit animal is thinking of me!
Excellent write up my friend. You hit all of the relevant points and with humor and civility. The time away from LTS has done you good (although you are absolutely adorable when you are blustering around like a bear with a sore head…).
I would offer to write up a tutorial for SDs, but doubt that I would find a receptive audience, hmmmm, wonder why?
Keep ’em coming big man, the ladies need you and those of us who are less lady like just want you! 😉
@Seattle Slew: As I said, there is a case for private when you are hiding something such as face from the general public. In most instances, however, the SBs have clear public plus private photos, then get constant solicitations to view them without proper introduction, then get angry and put a negative paragraph in their profile. The rant against asking for private photos without even saying hello only hurts their profile, it bounces off lowlifes like eggs off teflon. The answer is simple: if you don’t have anything to hide, don’t have private photos. You won’t have to deal with picture collectors; problem solved. Also, please don’t ever forget that by your own admission, your SD/sugar relationship can be accurately described as a unicorn, no?
@simplesimone I, for one, would welcome advice. If you’re too “experienced” to learn, you’re either a fool or dead.
@brownsuga98 You’re welcome. Thanks for thanking me. It actually was a random drop in SB who took the time to say thank you last week that thawed this cold heart enough to write it up. I held onto it while the board was under particular moron bombardment. When I saw some actual SB requests and gratitude again yesterday, I went ahead and posted. Cheers.
Nothing would bring me greater joy than to be of assistance. Why don’t you email me your profile name, city and age and I will check it out! Hee hee hee…I will be sitting here waiting. I guess I will find out first hand whether holding ones breath really causes a blue complexion.
@simplesimone omg i’d love to review the pages of our regular SDs 😂😂 (not even review, just read… to lift the veil a little haha)
@simplesimone Having recently decided that I am definitely buying a winter home and admitting that I am a snowbird, I changed my location and rewrote my entire profile. I am not opposed to having eyes on it as it is very different than anything I had before. The ever efficient staff of Seeking, however, have still not reviewed it (currently day 6.) Perhaps one day it will be available. BTW, I accused you of being no Sherlock Holmes the last time you were tracking me. Did you take that for the hint that it was and look in London? That’s where my primary location was before last week.
WE make ourselves a place apart
Behind light words that tease and flout,
But oh, the agitated heart
Till someone find us really out.
’Tis pity if the case require
(Or so we say) that in the end
We speak the literal to inspire
The understanding of a friend.
But so with all, from babes that play
At hide-and-seek to God afar,
So all who hide too well away
Must speak and tell us where they are.
Robert Frost is my designated spokesperson…
People marry and die…
Still SA doesn’t review profiles.
To wait an Hour—is long—
If Sugar be just beyond—
To wait Eternity—is short—
If Sugar reward the end—
Nice post Hoosier. This should be pinned to the top.
The poems not so much, though I have the complete works of Robert Frost on my bookshelf.
Just trying to elevate the dialogue a bit😜. I can’t believe you didn’t appreciate the sugarfication of Emily Dickinson. Pretty sure I’m going to literary hell for that one…
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