Ok, so to start of this is my first Sd so I’m already unsure of how to handle things due to that.
I’ve been talking and hit ting it off with one, and when we met it went very well. So well, that I got caught up talking and forgot to talk about allowance. Totally a newbie mistake, I know. But from what I can tell, I’m his first sb too, and I don’t think he really understands what it means. I think he might believe he just has to pay for the dates. So this makes it even harder to bring up the money talk. I don’t want him to be blindsided or feel like that’s the only reason Ive agreed to date him, because I honestly do have fun with him. So how can I bring it up?
1. There are hundreds of threads on this subject here already.
2. What did he do that made you assume this? (that he doesn’t know about allowances)
3. If what I think is true you made the mistake not him. I think you went on a m&g or 1st date and thought he would hand you money. SMH NO.
4. Read the forum about first meetings.
You go on a second date to dinner or nice lunch and say, “Robert it was great meeting last time and enjoy your company, I would really love to be in an arrangement with you, I would love for you to be my sugar daddy. So let’s see if we can work this out.” Make sure you know exactly what you want in terms of the arrangement. Don’t be one of those girls that gets asked, what are you looking for? Then shrug your shoulders and say I don’t know” Have a plan and stick to it. If he really doesn’t fully understand the allowance part, then explain it to him.
I can’t thank you enough for your help. It’s amazing how one word can completely create a different feeling and cause misunderstanding, so I struggle finding the right words to explain myself.
It turns out I was right. He didn’t know much of anything about it, but when I asked if he was interested in providing me a monthly budget to support me, he said yes.
1. I have searched here and in articles for help. There’s quite a few about how to bring it up, but nothing I can find about bringing it up and also explaining everything to an SD who doesn’t know what sugar dating is.
2. He was talking about how he came to sugar because of a friend that he “had fun with” who was younger. She wasn’t an sb so it was like a vanilla fwb. That’s why I figured he might think sugar dating simply means dating someone with an age gap.
3. The only one making assumptions is you.
I met with my current SB in my apartment after texting a great deal. The basics were laid out: we meet at my apartment; we talk. If we come to an understanding, then we have adult fun. Then she receives her allowance. We agreed on the allowance BEFORE she came over. I can’t imagine any SD getting into this lifestyle not understanding the concept of an allowance. As I mentioned in a previous thread, trust is the basis of all arrangements and relationships. I was happily married for 29 years before my wife passed away. I am a doctor, and I have been in practice for 32 years. Until I found my current SB, all initial meets occurred at my apartment except for three. One was at a restaurant. Nothing came of it. One was at Starbucks. Nothing came of it. One was in the conference room at my apartment complex (public). Nothing came of it.
If I was starting over, I wouldn’t change the initial meet. It works. Easy to weed out without wasting time and money. I’ve never paid an allowance in advance. It makes no sense to me, given my experience. Again, you have to build trust.
Your system works fine for you. You know that you’re not going to assault or abuse her, and that you are going to give her the promised allowance if things work out. But I’d suggest that any potential SB going to the apartment of someone she’s only spoken to online, with the promise that she’ll receive an ‘allowance’ after sex is putting herself in a dangerous situation, physically and monetarily. The risks are much higher for her than just a wasted conversation over coffee.
I’m a big fan of ‘adult fun’ and intimacy, but I also like the idea of the short M&G to see if we ‘click’ before moving on to a date, and more. There are plenty of POT SBs that I chatted with online, and thought I was on the same page with regarding allowance and intimacy, but after meeting with them for just a few minutes ( or seconds ), I realized that it wasn’t going to work. If she was already in my house expecting compensation after sex, things would have become unnecessarily complicated. You seem to have been lucky with who you invited over.
Why do you think nothing came of the meetings not at your apartment? If you’d already discussed allowance ranges and intimacy expectations beforehand, you always have the possibility to take things further the same day if that’s what you’re both looking for. Cash on the table, and far less risk for her.
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