Home Sugar Support™ Forum Money SD not keeping with the arrangement?

This topic contains 10 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Keith 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #104605
    MrsAndy
    MrsAndy
    Participant

    Had a second meet and date with a POT. I’m new at this, I did a LOT of research and read as much as I could, asked all the right questions, did things in the right order, and let him organically bring up allowances. We agreed upon an amount, and when I left to go home, he transferred only half of the agreed amount to my account?

    What do I do?

    #104613

    hoosierdaddy
    Participant

    If you want to bother giving him a second chance, remind him what you agreed.

    More likely, it’s learn from the experience. You did NOT research enough, you did NOT do things in the right order. (Right order is allowance first.)

    #104614
    MrsAndy
    MrsAndy
    Participant

    You’re right I’m still naive at this. The more and more I think about it, the more I think he’s lying to me about his income status.

    So if I drop him for lying to me and breaking the agreement, do I give the money back? Or is it mine? I don’t want to look like I was just in it for the money.

    #104617
    SouthernSD
    SouthernSD
    Participant

    Did you get intimate? If not, he may be waiting for that part to happen to make sure you’re not a rinser.

    Also, why transfer money? Make it simple, cash is king, he can just hand you “The ENVELOPE” when you meet.

    I would say, meet again for lunch or coffee and brink it up. See where it goes,if he starts hemming and hawing about the money then there is your answer.

    #104621
    MrsAndy
    MrsAndy
    Participant

    Email transfer was easiest because it didn’t have cash on him. Yes we got intimate.

    #104630

    hoosierdaddy
    Participant

    So… you’re perfectly clear now, right?

    #104631

    Keith
    Participant

    Sorry, I’m not clear … was the allowance a per meeting thing, or a monthly allowance?

    Either way, definitely agree that cash is king, wouldn’t be unheard of for an email transfer to get reversed or turn out to be fraudulent somehow. But if it is there in your bank and stays there, perhaps that’s good. As said above, definitely had some potential for you to get completely ripped off so you may have gotten (partly) lucky there. In the future, a definite mutually understood agreement, cash in hand, and maybe even counting it before moving forward is the safest way to go, although we’ve probably all cut corners on those protocols in the midst of the moment.

    If it was per-meeting and was only half, yeah, you could meet to clarify things or just call it a lesson learned and ‘next’ him. That’s pretty lame unless there is any room for some kind of misunderstanding.

    If it was a monthly allowance and it was only half, I’ve heard of people doing that at first, agreeing to a monthly amount but starting with an every-two-week allowance for 1/2 the amount, or whatever. What I’m trying to extract is whether you got what you expected for one meeting but not as much as you expected to have in your hands now for future meetings, or whether you didn’t get what you expected for the one meeting you’ve had.

    And “lying about his income status” is pretty much a silly thing to even think about, at least IMO. I doubt if anyone is honest about that, I’m actually dishonest in the way you wouldn’t expect because I don’t want 100s of rinsers to pursue my profile. Whether income or net worth is accurate doesn’t matter at all, whether he meets his commitment to you is what matters.

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by  Keith.
    #104645
    MrsAndy
    MrsAndy
    Participant

    We agreed on a monthly amount and he said he would send me the full amount then didn’t.

    You’re right, I shouldn’t overthink the whole income status thing. Probably every person fudges the numbers even a little bit for some reason or another.

    #104699
    SouthernSD
    SouthernSD
    Participant

    With this new information, I feel you should have another meet and clear things up.
    Monthly allowance giving in full one time a month is becoming rare due to the rinser SB.
    Go have a nice lunch and talk it out.

    #104715
    MrsAndy
    MrsAndy
    Participant

    Okay, will do.

    Thanks 😊

    #104724

    Keith
    Participant

    Yep, as always @southernsd has good advice … if you have a connection and want it to continue, get together and talk it out. It is pretty rare from what I hear for the SD to advance a monthly allowance all at once early in a relationship (I’d be very twitchy about it myself). But still pretty lame to explicitly agree to X (which is sounds like he did) and then send X/2, or whatever. Good luck!

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