Tagged: sex platonic
I am 19 and I am new to all of this. I am here because of my financial struggles as most women here I suppose. I imagined finding an arrangement of a good guy who I could spend an awsome time with but it seems like most guys here expect sex, which I do not want to have. It makes me feel like a prostitute to get paid for sex instead of my time. Do I need to have sex with the guys in order to be a sugar baby?
No, you don’t need to have sex in order to be a sugar baby. But you’ll have a hard time finding someone that wants to offer you an allowance just to talk and hang out together. I’m guessing somewhere less than 1% of the SDs here are looking for a platonic arrangement, and once a SB finds that unicorn, they hang onto him.
What you should be searching for here is ‘a good guy who you can spend an awesome time with’. A genuine relationship with someone that’s generous with their money because they can’t be generous with their time. Intimacy is just a part of most genuine adult relationships.
Most POT SD’s would have little challenge finding a lovely, articulate, and interested female companion for dinners, art exhibits, wine tasting and more. The sugar relationship provides a way to get to intimacy where neither party feels like they are taking advantage of the other or being taken advantage of. You will have a very hard time finding that unicorn, but also do not feel you every need to do something you are uncomfortable doing.
Just wondering what you’re offering that’s worth the $$ if not intimacy?
Not to say your value is tied up in your sexuality.. but if you’re being paid to just hang out with him, what’s he getting? Your company? You must be super super interesting or drop dead gorgeous.
This idea of platonic relationships, and this “why won’t they pay for my company only”, kind of suggests that these SDs are all creeps or ugly or weirdos who can’t get a woman’s attention, and thereby they should be happy to pay just for company or conversation. It’s really not the right mindset to enter into the sugar bowl with.
I agree with @josieforyou Coming from a guy perspective. It’s not that we only want the sex,but we are looking for a GF on the side thing and being intimate with someone is important to us. My SB i had for 2 years is a little older then you @lunardoll I am much older,but when we are together we are intimate. Just kissing is nice and she seems to be okay with the time and realized she would have to like me somewhat to be like that. The thing for you is first o find someone your attracted to,but if you don’t feel comfortable being intimate. Just move on to the next one. There will be some guys who are okay with that.
what if you went through early menopause?
1- you clearly CANNOT / SHOULD NOT tell any SD because he stopped having sex with his wife, ex, same aged partner precisely because older women experience “ vaginal dryness” and are perceived as “ unsexy”. so he would not want a SB who went through the same.
2- he will compare you to those ex partners and no longer perceive you as “ youth”: because menopause does not happen to youth.
3- best is keep quiet and go on HRT ( hormone replacment therapy) secretly
I need help about this topic.. I’m new here and it seems that all the SD that wrote me are interested in sex before sugar.. I mean… a prostitute should be paid in advance to avoid scam.. a SB how understand scam? I should receive something early than sex or just trust in my gut insticts?
Anyone that suggests gifting you an allowance at the end of the month, or even the end of the night, is out to scam you. SBs have much more to lose in this game, so you should always discuss, agree and receive any allowance before moving forward to sex and intimacy. For a new arrangement, that usually means receiving a proportion of a monthly allowance early on in a date where sex is expected. Cash in an envelope and hopefully giving you some time to discretely check the contents.
thank you. I may ask how much it should be the amount in the envelop? I know It is a thorny question but I’d like to know how much I can dream or be realistic…
Please review the “money” forum, this topic if oft discussed. Please don’t expect complete strangers on the internet to tell you the answer.
@kissmykinky, read through the forums. Remember, it is not easy to find an SD, you will find multiple references to women struggling to find someone who wants a sugar relationship and not a hook up.
I also suggest you review your profile for the vibe you are sending out. If your S name is anything like kissmykinky, you’re going to attract guys looking for the quick score … so to speak (like pumas on a steak).
Finally, your approach in your last question is just ripe for being interpreted for something one time/transactional. Most SD’s are looking for the relationship … and the balance of allowance, time out, travel, activities, etc. all go into it. Know what you want by way of balance on that and be able to communicate it.
Hi to everybody, as a SD I would like to turn the topic of this Thread upside-down.
I had a first date with a SG who is about the age of lunardoll. Very nice, intelligent lady. After the date I suggested via WhatsApp another date and she didn’t say no ;-).
Next time I have to suggest some more concrete arrangements and that needs to involve Sex as well.
Although I am quite self-confident in my job or my private live, I am terribly timid with women, both “normal” and SD relationships.
What is your take: how straight forward can one be with Sex?
I met her through a dedicated SD/SG website, so that is clear. Would she be the 1% unicorn among the SGs if it wasn’t clear that I wanted Sex as well?
Any tips for me how to approach that?
Fighting the urge to insert an eye roll here ….
So, short answer, very up front. I make sure any POT SB (SG as you’ve put it), knows I am interested in intimacy as part of the dynamic. I let her know I want there to be chemistry and that if she does not see that being possible, to let me know. From there it has typically been a straightforward progression once the arrangement is established to move to sex.
Now, assuming she is all in for intimacy is a bit of a reach on the site. There are plenty of women who will be happy to rinse you and take your CHC without ever getting to that stage.
A simple list of ducks to have in a row:
1) Establish comfort online (sounds like you have this done)
2) Go to a meet and greet, see if there is the possibility for more and chemistry (seems like you got past this)
3) First date, enjoying a lovely evening (yup, you refer to that in your post)
4) Discuss parameters of arrangement (cannot tell if you’ve done this)
5) Provide allowance – or portion of allowance (cannot tell if this has been done)
6) Move to date with sex (definitely have not gotten here yet)
SFwinefan, thanks a lot for your reply and your excellent tips. I have waited with my reply until I have some news concerning my SB.
All looks good and just let me use your point to illustrate how it went:
1) We met on an online platform and exchanged a few messages there. I am very keen to move quickly to WhatsApp to arrange a first date. So if a girl (or whoever is behind the account) doesn’t agree to WhatsApp in a reasonable period of time (a few days and some 5-10 messages), I let the contact go because I am pretty sure that it is not genuine.
2) Once on WhatsApp, I always quickly arrange a personal meeting (dinner, drinks etc.). I met in total 4 potential SBs over the last 2 months, but only the one I mentioned above was ok and interesting to me. (Actually she is unbelievable and much, much better (beautiful, nice, intelligent) than I have ever hoped for. I would have been content with half of it).
3) Yes, we had a great dinner the first time
4) About two weeks later we had another dinner and some nice activity in town after that (not sex 😉 ). During the dinner I mentioned sex and told her about my financial proposal. She was totally cool about sex (…”yes, sure that is part of it”) and agreed to my financial proposal immediately. Actually I think I went too high and she would have agreed to less, but anyway. We didn’t have sex that evening because she said that if there was sex, she wanted a heads up, which I am fine with
5) On that evening she already got (proportionally) what we agreed in terms of money
6) We agreed on a date (with sex) for next Saturday. Still need to look for a nice activity before and after that we will move to my apartment.
I keep you updated how this all goes 🙂
Most of the answers are straight forward. Trust is the basis for any arrangement/relationship. I have always given an allowance at the end of our meet. My current SB is 22 (I’m 30+ older). We have been together 8 months. We have everything going for us. We trust each other. We have chemistry. I have never shorted my SB a dime. Plus, I go way beyond her expectations. Our sex life is very nice. It is mutually enjoyable. Our only problem is that we live over an hour away from each other. We’ve done quickies, relaxed singles, doubles, and even triples (sleepovers). We also know that our arrangement can end at any time, especially if either one of us meets someone for a more traditional relationship.
How did we get to this point? We laid everything out at the first meet. We had sex at the first meet. Then we fine tuned our arrangement to meet our needs. I guess you can say that our arrangement evolved. I would joke to my SB that “it’s easier to be married.” My wife, who passed away a year ago November, was a saint and rock star all rolled into one. My SB is the exact opposite, but we get each other.
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