A POT messaged me on SA and from what I can see in his profile he seems nice and harmless. Plus he’s young, gorgeous, and successful, so he’s a freaking unicorn on here.
Anyways, he says he’s interested and after a few messages back and forth, and sharing my private photos, he asks for my Facebook or Instagram link to “make sure you’re real” because the last POT SB he met turned into a crazy stalker, showed up at his work, used a fake name (normal), and besides her photos she wasn’t the person she described herself to be. So he’s wary and freaked. At least, that’s his story.
I told him that for privacy reasons, I wouldn’t share social media links, but that I’d be happy to chat on Skype or send more photos. Instead, he asked for my LinkedIn profile link, which I also politely declined.
At this point, do I even bother?
I should probably also note that we live in different states, in case that makes a difference. He’s been really understanding of the reasons I’ve given him and not pushy at all. I’m just trying to basically find out if there’s other ways I can show I’m trustworthy and/or “real” that I haven’t thought of.
1: Long distance SRs have a high chance of scam/flake. Why would a SD spend a lot of extra to travel to you 3-4 times a month? (Up to $1k a month easily on flights alone) Can he not find a SB in his area? If not, why? If he comes to your city for work often, then it makes sense. Otherwise be wary. (Granted in different states I take it to be LD, not like Rhode Island to Connecticut)
2: “young, gorgeous, and successful, so he’s a freaking unicorn on here.” You understand why the term unicorn is used right? It means it is too good to be true. Honestly why would a young, gorgeous and wealthy man be using SA? Are there men that fit this? Yes. But most men that fit that will/would have FWB/NSA with women without gifting them anything.
3: Why would he need your FB/IG? Your skype offer was more than enough.
Honestly this whole thing sounds rather shady. The only other thing he could ask for that would be a bigger red flag is a few nude pics or to meet in his hotel room for the M&G.
@Ambrose thanks for your feedback and re-affirming my suspicions. I am curious though- I’ve often seen SBs in forums being encouraged to broaden their search to other parts of the country to attract the right SD for them. If that’s happening, then why also such negativity regarding long distance SRs in your first comment? Does a legit SD usually explain off the bat why they would be interested in a SB in a different state/city?
On the note of being a unicorn, I agree. However, to my understanding most SDs are too busy to meet someone organically, or maybe they’re just tired of the women they meet in their usual routines. This POT claims to be a 34 y.o. lawyer, so I’m inclined to be understanding why he’s looking for an SB if his schedule is too busy to meet someone other ways.
Not trying to come off as argumentative, I’m legitimately curious. As always, I appreciate what you have to say.
Most of time I agree with @ambrose, and I ditto him on long distance scammers.
However, a portion of married SD prefer long distance for discretion and safety against local stalkers… just saying
Regarding social media, I typically do not share.
@Malia I fully understand the reasons for some LD SRs. It’s just rare for people to be willing to spend a few grand a month extra of flights. So I always wish for SBs to ask/think about why the SD wants a LD. I enjoy it when you give a dissenting opinion to one of my posts. I always wish to broaden my views on any issues. And such statements by a successful SB is always welcomed.
@Sassytraveler It’s okay to search a large distance. But know WHY the SD wants that. Most SDs don’t explain why they are after LD, but be free to ask. Most SDs are not going to fly Spirit, so the cost round trip can add up to $800-$1200 a month on 4 visits. Then $400-$800 extra for hotel. $500-$600 for 4 dinners (not counting breakfast/lunches). So ignoring gifts and allowances that SD is going to add $2500 a month for traveling. Yes an argument can be made that, that SD is already going to spend that on hotels and dinner, but being LD means he will HAVE to. The incidentals drive a lot of would-be SDs away. It’s easy to add $500 onto each date night for expenses. So just try to get a handle on why this SD wants a LD to make it worth his time.
My childhood best friend is a lawyer. It’s easy to see how time consumed and burnt out they can get. But 90% of their off time, when starting out, is/should be spent on networking. If he’s already past that point, where he doesn’t need to anymore, then he will have a good amount of free time. Almost all SDs enjoy SRs because it removes wasted time compared to a vanilla relationship.
All of what this guy says is possible. But this is a LOT of perfect storms to happen at once. I would be very wary with the whole deal.
@sassy traveler and all SB
I highly recommended leaving your social media life completely separate.
If the relationship goes bad you do not want that person posting anything on you FB page.
They could embarrass you or just flat out not leave you alone.
If they want to get to know you then meet in person. Best way to sus out the fakes.
As for long distance. I tried multiple times, got burned every time. I just flat out will not consider it anymore.
I know a few SB and one SD that it worked out well. There are pros and cons to both sides, Ambrose and Malia touched on them.
I have aircraft at my disposal, Im very humbley thankful for that, the only expense for me was a hotel, meals and the allowance/gifts.
While the do exist, just make sure all the ducks are in the pond.
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