Home Sugar Support™ Forum Money Taking off work for SD

This topic contains 5 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Robert Lloyd Robert Lloyd 2 months, 4 weeks ago.

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  • #98844
    BlondeAmbition1990
    BlondeAmbition1990
    Participant

    Hi Ladies(and gents)! I haven’t posted on here before so be easy on me lol.

    I have been speaking with a potential SD who will be traveling to my town for a wedding and wants me to accompany him to the wedding. Seems like fun and he is very nice so I’m definitely interested in going. It would only be for one day/night. However, I work on the weekends and my shifts are normally Friday-Sunday. So if I need off for one day(like Saturday, the day of the wedding) I can’t work any of the shifts that weekend. Since I only work on the weekends I wouldn’t get paid at all for that week.

    I guess my question is, is it okay to bring that up to him? I’m just scared that I will take the weekend off and he will end up taking someone else or not coming at all and that would be a lot of work money I’m losing out on. Since we won’t meet in person until the day before the wedding it’s a little stressful for me to be that trusting. I feel like I need a security deposit but I know I can’t ask for that lol. I know bringing up money talk before we’ve met is fragile ground… so If anyone has had any experience with something like this I would appreciate advice!

    #98845
    Inamorato
    Inamorato
    Participant

    If he’s only coming to your town for a wedding, it sounds like a one off meeting, and not really a sugar arrangement. If that’s what you’re looking for, you really do need to have a money talk with him before continuing. Has he even suggested to you what he would be offering for the weekend? Normally for a M&G, and often for first dates, you might not receive any allowance. But this is a very different situation. Regardless of how ‘nice’ he is, you need an agreement in place, and any gifts received before you spend the day with him.

    #98846
    SFwinefan
    SFwinefan
    Participant

    I am in total agreement with @inamorato.

    Okay, not total agreement, my push would be even stronger that you need to have a hard agreement before he arrives that covers via a gift not only your lost wages, but an allowance beyond that. It sounds like a one time situation, with him coming for a special event and not something that will be repeated.

    My question for you @blondeambition1990 is what you want to get from the weekend? Fun with an older, attractive man who wants the date for the wedding and likely intimacy? If that’s a fun weekend for you and worthwhile, then go for it. But it is not really a sugar relationship.

    In reading this through, it reads much harsher than I intend, yet I cannot come up with subtle phrasing that makes the point.

    #98848
    SimpleSimone
    SimpleSimone
    Participant

    In agreement with the gentlemen above but also with an additional caveat: as you will have to give notice and presumably get your weekend shifts covered ahead of time, this sounds like an exception to the general rule about not asking for money prior to meeting. In this case I think a “good faith” gift deposit prior to meeting, (in an amount that fully covers your lost work income) needs to be received prior to your notifying your manager at work that you will be out . Of course the agreed upon allowance or gift for the visit should be provided at your first face to face or divided in 2 amounts but definitely all received before any intimacy occurs.

    #101392
    BlondeAmbition1990
    BlondeAmbition1990
    Participant

    Thanks for the feedback guys! This could definitely become an ongoing thing since he has friends in my city so I didn’t want to completely write him off because of that.

    #103946
    Robert Lloyd
    Robert Lloyd
    Participant

    I’m reminded of a time when someone wanted to work for me on a project that didn’t need to be done.
    A contractor told me he gave up a project to demolish a backyard garage for me when I didn’t really care if it was demolished or not.
    He was bent out of shape I didn’t want to pay him and I was bent out of shape I felt he was trying to scam me by doing work I didn’t consider important.
    I made it very clear to him if I want work done I will offer to pay for it upfront.

    As a SD, I would NEVER ask a girl to take time off of work to spend it with me before a first meeting.
    If we had been seeing each other a month and had a good connection I would absolutely offer to pay more than her wages to attend something like a wedding.
    I think it’s a recipe for disaster with huge misunderstandings to do this sort of thing. It can absolutely work if both parties can properly communicate with each other, but that’s rarely the case early on.

    Did the wedding happen already?

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