I’ve been seeing a SD for about 6 dates now, and we have a very good relationship – easy to talk, laugh and have fun. So far dates have just been platonic with some kissing. So far, nothing odd. We decided to take it to the next stage and become intimate the other day.
Dear god. It was horrific, and we both opening acknowledged it at the time and laughed it off. Now he wants to repeat it every week. I would much rather just go back to stage 1, certainly until he gets checked for ED.
What is the polite/diplomatic way of getting around this issue?
Often times the first time might not sweep you off your feet. There’s a lot of pressure on him to perform so I would give it another go. Not every guy who can’t get fully hard on the first time had ED. Next time you see him make sure you’re relaxed and go into it naturally. Try some foreplay, give him a back rub naked, whatever. If it does turn out that he has a case of the limp d*ck then my condolences
@ridethehorse …. There was a lot of foreplay. I’ve literally never experienced a dick that limp for so long. Strip tease, massage, bondage play, lots of kissing, bj action, hand job, even did back door. Nada.
brb, need to go stare at a wall in despair.
I mean, I don’t know what to say…not sure there’s much you can do. Obviously if you’re dreading it absolutely don’t let this go further. Nothing worse than engaging in something you don’t want to.
I completely agree with @ridethehorse. If you both thought that the sex was a disaster, and since you did all the tricks in the book, there isn’t much left for you to do.
Of course, if you genuinely like him, you might give it a second chance, but as you know, this is not an escort service. You can talk it out, communication is key, and if he insists on it, it might be the end of your agreement. At least you won’t have any bitterness about something you forced upon yourself.
my sd is 79 and he does not work either, it’s a little weird but in the end he gets to cum
This a post from a while back, may be it will be helpful to him.
1. Certain medications can cause ED, High Blood pressure medicine over time can have this effect. If he is on any prescription meds check it out.
Go to WebMD or the Mayo clinic online to check any meds and ask a Urologist.
2. Taking L-citrulline or L-Arginine can help also. They are over the counter supplements. Take 3000mg a day it will help.
3. Losing weight and exercising helps also.
4. The prescription meds, Viagra, Cialis, Stendra all can work.
It might be just a “in his head thing”, have him take a dose of Viagra, that along with a good jack hammering session can put him back on track.
He might not need the viagra after one or two good sessions.
If it persist a trip to the urologist is really the best thing he can do.
Hope this helps.
I like older men as it make me feel protected, so I’ve always been with men much older than me that usually run in to that problem, some of them took medication some other didn’t, the ones that didn’t it was just a “in his head” thing.
I usually try to make them feel comfortable giving them what I call “A session of intense caring and love” after a weekend of that it always work perfectly and you get to bond more, which will make everything a lot better and he will become a beast!
Just make him feel comfortable, if you are attracted to him, give it another chance! We all know the saying “Arouse the mind and the body will follow”.
Go get it girl!
The problem is that this guy has a lovely personality and we get on very well. I don’t want to drop him just because the sex was awful, but equally I have no desire to do it again. It was highly embarrassing for me – and yet he is pushing to repeat it. He seems to think nothing was amiss.
@southernsd – I will take your advice on board but he seems reluctant to admit there is a problem. I don’t think any of those things will help until we have found out why he couldn’t get it up. Or indeed until he wants to fix it – which he doesn’t seem to at the moment….
Thanks everyone else.
I feel for you. Even though you said you get along otherwise, that would be enough for me personally to can him.
Even in a SR, sex is meant to be mutually enjoyable… and not only is a limp dick not enjoyable, when a guy keeps trying to persevere (past reasonable foreplay etc) I start feeling dehumanized, just a means to get him off rather than it being a joint experience.
I would give him another chance. I had a bf (in his 20’s) who when we first started dating had problems with going soft during sex and his overall style during sex was very unattractive to me. I almost broke it off with him but gave him another couple(!) chances and worked through his issues with going soft. It seemed he was just nervous or had let the pressure of performing get to him and possibly watching too much porn lol. Eventually once we got comfortable with each other, the issue disappeared and I learned to appreciate his style of sex. It surprisingly became some of the best sex I’ve had.
However, I’ve also had bad sex with people that never got better but that was probably because I didn’t like the way they kissed or didn’t like them enough to help them improve. Either way, it’s your decision but if everything else is great, it’d be worth discussing with him what might be going on and if it’s something you can work on.
Oh man, basically every persons nightmare! I’m sure we all have our rules of thumb for situations such as this, but for me…I always give it 2 times. Often, the first time sleeping with someone new can be really nerve racking for a man, with the pressure of not wanting to disappoint and the paranoia that this very thing may happen! I’ve been in a similar situation and when time #2 came around, all systems were go!
On the same token, sometimes it’s just awful and there’s nothing that you can do about it…sadly…as we sit staring at our walls in despair.
it’s your choice obviously, and if you think it’s going to be horrid no matter how many times you go around then it may not even be worth it.
I had a very frank discussion with him and said that i wouldn’t have another intimate date planned until he took steps to tackle the issues above. He denies there are any, but we’ve still been chatting and had another platonic date since. I’ve made my side clear as possible and I can’t force him to do anything, he has to come to that conclusion by himself. I’m not too bothered about the lack of sex, I have other relationships where the sex is fantastic – but I wonder if it’s enough for him. Ball is in his court now. We shall see…
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