I went on a really great date last week with a new potential SD. He took me to drinks, then a nice dinner and we shared a bottle of wine and just kissed before I got in my car and went home. He was very respectful and we got along great! He travels to my city frequently for work, but lives a few states over with his wife and dogs (they are poly and like to date a SB – lucky me!!!). Almost right after the date, he got me a plane ticket to go and visit him and his wife for a weekend (Thursday – Monday). I will be staying in their guest bedroom, which I feel comfortable with. I am very excited but I want to make sure I am being safe, since travel to a different state is involved. I also want to make sure I’m navigating financial dynamics of a new SB/SD relationship appropriately. I am probably being overly cautious but I want to make sure I’m not putting myself in any weird or dangerous situations! Here’s what I’ve done so far to try and ensure I’m going into a safe situation. Let’s call him Bob and her Jane, and I’ll be Ginger.
1. I said “Hi, how are you?” and SD sent me a little video of him and his wife and he said “hello, we just got home, and here’s Jane!” and he points the camera to her and she says “hello Ginger!!”
2. He sent me his wife’s contact and it had ALL of her info attached, work phone number, full name, e-mail, etc. So I checked them out on facebook and everything seems legit. Real profiles, wedding photos, friends, conversations, same jobs they told me they had, etc.
3. I have been texting them, and we had a phone call today, and I will FaceTime them before I go to triple check that everyone is real.
What else should I do, if anything, to be sure I’m being safe?
I try not to talk too much about finances too much until I figure out how our needs line up, but since I’m going to be with them for four days, would it be appropriate to say something like this when I facetime them?
“I know this will be the first time I’m meeting both of you together, and I wanted to ask your expectations or hopes for the beginning of a possible arrangement, and for this weekend?”
“In the past, what types of arrangements have you had with sugar babies, and if this all works out, what do you think a good arrangement would be?”
“Just so there are no surprises, I want to make sure I’ll be covered for meals and activities for the trip, and wanted to ask if you’d considered an allowance for the weekend?” <—IS THIS OK?? or is there a better way to ask???
In the end I would be happy to just go on this trip, get to know them, eat some good dinners, and if I went back empty handed I wouldn’t be toooooo upset. But of course, I would be much more excited to start an arrangement if they were generous from the beginning. With my last SD I didn’t even need to discuss anything because he started giving me an allowance immediately without me even discussing it with him. And then after it became long term we found an appropriate monthly amount.
Also….. is it better for me to talk to both Jane and Bob them about finances, or JUST Bob??????
Thanks in advance for your input!!!
This might be too late, but definitely talk arrangement and finances before going. All that needs to establish before things start. Once you are in their house the expectation will be high of what happens next.
I personally would meet first in a neutral place first, going straight to the house is a major red flag. Go have lunch and hammer everything out. If it’s not going good or red flags are popping up walk away.
There is to much human trafficking going on to not take the highest precautions.
Yeah totally. Keep in mind I already had a neutral first date with the guy. I don’t think we are going straight to the house when I arrive for the trip. I’ll meet the wife for lunch after my flight , husband is going to be at a work meeting of some kind. Going to try and hammer as much as possible out via facetime beforehand too!
Is it possible to ask for a hotel room of your own during your stay? Just to have more eyes on you Incase there are any red flags once there.
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