Home Sugar Support Forum™ Sex Trying to say no

This topic contains 6 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by ThatOtherCharmingWit ThatOtherCharmingWit 6 days, 8 hours ago.

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  • #40436

    Sweetgirl4u123
    Participant

    So i met up with a potential daddy yesterday. He wanted to sit in the back of his car, and I did but i wasn’t thinking anything would happen at all. I often don’t even kiss on the first date. When he made advances on me I said i felt uncomfortable. But he was really persistent. I was like obviously kind of pulling away and saying no but he still kept trying. At the end I ended up giving him a BJ but i really didn’t want to do it and i said no numerous times but I ended up doing it. He gave me some money after but not enough to make me feel okay about it. Later he said he should have given more and I said I was thinking the same thing But I am just wondering, are most daddy’s like that? I am new to all this. I actually met one other guy, but he didnt pay me anything but we didnt do anything sexual or anything that made me feel uncomfortable.
    I don’t think the first situation was rape but i was clearly saying no and he kept trying. I had to really kind of raise my voice for him not to go in my pants. I don’t consider him a rapist or anything but is that wrong? To be so persistent when I was saying no? I don’t know how i feel about it. I’m sure if he gave me more money i would have felt a little better about it but I am kind of shook up.

    #40438
    TheLovelyMariah
    TheLovelyMariah
    Participant

    Girl that is not okay. More money is not going to make it okay. If you say no then that means no. He should have stopped when you said no. Never do anything you are not comfortable doing. If a guy you just met ask you to sit the back of his car then just know that something is up. That guy is not an SD, he is a John. I doubt you will hear from him again.

    I think you should be step away from this lifestyle. The Bowl is not about being compensated for sexual acts. It’s about finding someone you truly enjoy spending time with and adding something valuable to each other’s lives. You also have to know how to stand your ground. If you don’t then you will be taken advantage of a lot.

    I’m sorry this happened. You shouldn’t have had to go through this. I hope you’re doing ok. If not, you have so many of us here who you can talk to, myself included.

    #40440

    Sweetgirl4u123
    Participant

    Thanks so much for your response. I think i knew deep down that that wasnt okay but thanks for helping me confirm that. He actually did contact me again and wants to meet again but i am not sure i want to after what happened last time. And youre right I didn’t expect it to be like that at all. I do want to have a real SD/SB relationship with someone as you mention. And I definitely need to work on standing my ground.. I have a difficult time saying no to people in general but i was pretty clearly saying no in the situation. I guess it could have been worse. But yeah definitely not going to put myself in that kind of situation again.

    #40442

    Inamorato
    Participant

    In most jurisdictions, what he did would actually be considered rape. Regardless of the circumstances of meeting someone, penetration of any kind against the other persons will is rape. You repeatedly said that you didn’t want to do this. It doesn’t matter if money is offered before or afterwards.

    You seem to be dealing with it, but you shouldn’t meet up again with someone that has so little concern for your boundaries – it could be a lot worse the next time. You should at least report him to SA. This is not how a SR ( any relationship ) is supposed to be.

    #40493
    BelleC
    BelleC
    Participant

    @Sweetgirl4u123

    I just replied to one of your other threads but after reading this, I am concerned for your well being. That man clearly took advantage of your inexperience and innocence. As stated above, sugar relationships are not about being paid for sexual acts or letting someone cross your boundaries simply because they are insistent. I agree with @Inamorato… that was rape. He is not a sugar daddy. I believe it would be very unwise to see him again. Block him and move on. There are many genuine SDs out there who are respectful, kind and caring. Focus your attention on someone who wants a genuine relationship. Report that John to SA, and leave his sorry, desperate ass in the backseat of his car.

    #40502

    Sweetgirl4u123
    Participant

    Thanks . I will stop talking to him. I met with someone else today that was very respectful but I still feel confused abojt the whole thing. I know you’re not supposed to be all about the money but then girls say don’t do anything sexually until there is an arrangement. I didn’t do anything with this guy and he said he would rather pay per visit at first but i didn’t ask him how much causs I thought it was awkward. when should this be discussed ?

    #40520

    @Sweetgirl4u123 SA does not condone pay per date situations, that being said it tends to be SOP for early SRs. I’m going to suggest you go through the forum and read about budgeting and negotiating as well as safety posts. What you experienced was not in any way ok and I also suggest that you take some time to decide on your own personal boundaries. There are a great many people on the site specifically to take advantage of people who are vulnerable and easy to coerce and you’re going to run into a few of them in your search. You need to know what you are and aren’t comfortable with and know how to stand firm within those boundaries. Please be careful.

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