All SB profiles have two assets. One is her pictures. The other is the reason a SD should contact her. So what sets you apart? How is his life better with you in it? What do you offer? Why should he pick you? WHY?
Being a SB is hard. Anyone telling you otherwise is trying to sell something. Being cute, have dog filter pictures up, and nothing but fluff or your wants in your profile does NOT work here. Sure it might work on some vanilla dating website. But here the rules change. There are 10-14 SBs per each SD. This means you have to be the hunter. The aggressor. The one marketing yourself to the passers-by. You need to catch their eye and bring them in. Standing out is much easier if you are honest and clear.
Why should that SD pick you? This is the biggest failing of SB profiles. A SB needs to express this honestly and clearly. There really isn’t a lot of bad answers to this question. And as unpopular as it is to way, you are not just special. Sure you may stand out a room of two or three. But in a room of 10-14 women, who are all just as pretty as you? Just like walking a mall, pictures are the advertisements to bring a SD into the store. But if the store has shoddy merchandise, or is basically empty, he is going to walk back out and move onto the next one.
So, how do you express the “why”? Take what you can and are willing to offer. Love hiking? Express that. Love traveling? Again, express it. But do it in a way that the SD will see what you offer can enhance his life. For that is the reason he is picking you. Take what you can, and are willing to bring to the table and build your profile around that. Make him want to be with you for those things. For if you don’t, if all you have is an empty profile and pictures, all he sees you marketing is your body. So you will be treated as such. Without expressing reasons for a SD to come to you other than your body, he will default to the one thing on your profile you show.
I’ve been reading most of your comments on posts and you give solid advice.
Would you perhaps be willing to take a look at my profile and give me feedback?
I’m not sure that I am marketing myself in the most efficient way. I have a tendency to come on a little strong at times and the last thing I want is for my profile to scream entitlement.
I would be grateful for any feedback.
My user name is: Caol Ila
I don’t fully agree with Ambrose’s “why mantra”, but your profile is way too self-centered even for me. Almost every single sentence in your profile starts with “I” or “my”. Put more specifics rather than generic statements like “My life goals include being happy, giddy and being joyful”. Paint a picture of what you and your SD would be doing. You do look like a hottie in that photo, but have a few more close-up ones.
Kaitie is /member/03989dbb-51d3-4ce5-ac6e-c53f9ee74a70 to save a few clicks for others.
I absolutely agree with what you’re saying about tuning your profile to show how your interests can enrich an SD’s life. Here’s my counterpoint though. So many SD profiles I see proclaim they’re on here because they don’t have time for normal dating, which is totally fair! You’re busy men with busy lives and financial situations that you have to keep up with. The thing is, that can go both ways. From the SB’s perspective, especially new ones, it’s kind of an equal but opposite situation.
I’m speaking from my personal standpoint, but from reading others’ experiences I feel like it’s applicable to a lot of new SB’s. The majority of us are here because we need financial help, plain and simple. I currently work full time (50-80 hours a week) and my job is very draining, both emotionally and physically. I make enough to support myself, but because I’m saving for school my “fun” budget is extremely tight. The result of my financial hustle is that I am frequently too exhausted to pursue my personal interests, and don’t have the excess income to afford them anyway. (For example, I would love to take a stand-up paddleboard class, but that $90 currently has to go to my savings, and my “free time” that I would do it in needs to be spent catching up on chores and errands that my job forced me to put off.) It’s hard to develop this grand, attractive persona when you’re struggling to maintain the status quo.
The main reason I chose to enter the sugar bowl besides being able to transition to my dream job sooner is I don’t want to have to keep killing myself with this “all work and no play” lifestyle on the way. My hope is that a positive side effect of having an SD is that I can have more freedom to pursue my interests and develop more of these attractive “Why’s” that you’re looking for. I just simply don’t have them yet.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t apply this critique to profiles, but I do feel that it’s worth taking into consideration that due to personal circumstances not every SB is able to deliver on the quality and quantity (while maintaining honesty) of “Why’s” that you’re looking for.
I feel you. I study full time and work 2 jobs to support myself. It’s tough and my course is hardcore. It’s top 3 in the world for accountants. I would love to learn to surf or take up trail running but at the same time my fear being stuck in this rut where I’m constantly worried about rent is detrimental to me health.
That being said we are in a unique position to change our lives. Today more than ever before. That’s the beauty of this site. It sets boundaries and makes requirements open. I’ve been given this whole thing a considerable amount of thinking and at the end of the day we are ourselves on this site the way would at a job interview or as a consultant.
I just feel that I don’t know exactly how to do that. I’ve spent all my effort and time the last 3.5 years in getting a degree that has the potential to change my life.
As I said before I do have the tendency to come off as too direct. I have had to be to get to where I am. But it’s not all of me.
I do need to find a way to portray myself as person rather than myself as an accountant on audit.
@ColorfulRae I agree with you. Ambrose and I disagree about the importance of flirting, I think its as critical as having profile pictures.
I’m not saying anyone should be a sex kitten. In fact I specifically said not to be overt. But men aren’t joining SA to find a hiking buddy. Neither are they looking for just sex, that is easier to get elsewhere.
They are looking for the combination of both. Someone they like, that they can have a real relationship with, and who brings that sexiness into their life.
So I like everything Ambrose says about being the best you, and letting who you are come through. That’s a critical piece. I don’t care how sexy she is if I don’t feel like its a real, genuine, interesting person I’m not interested. I don’t care how good of a friend she seems if I’m not attracted to her. For me, you need both sides.
It’s perfectly fine that you are open to a relationship with a successful man who can improve the quality of your life. The question Ambrose is asking is, how can you improve the quality of his? A lot of women are stuck trying to answer that, because they are under the impression that there is a line of successful men just waiting to give away money. And they can’t answer why the man should do that. Because no reasonable man would. The answer is flirting. Its because time with you is better than a weekend in Vegas, its because his days are long and stressful and you can make him forget all of that, its because you are what he needs.
A successful SB needs to to figure out a way to give that answer in a way that is true for her.
Disclaimer: Just one guys opinion, I not an expert on any of this.
I do want to enhance the last comment a bit from @DavidSD. Portray yourself as you and know that you are looking for the right SD and not trying to attract all SDs. To paraphrase a famous Fred … she who tries to appeal to all SDs, appeals to none.
@DavidSD and @SFwinefan
You have made some excellent points which I have tried to take on board. No doing that I will need to make additional changes. I genuinely do not want to come across as self-absorbed as @lesliel said.
I’m a terrible flirt I would probably blurt out something like “You look like IAS 23”. However, I have tried to be mildly suggestive.
I’ll let you guys know when the changes are up. Thank you for taking the time to respond thus far.
I wish I could see some of my fellow SB profiles. Only SD can see SB profiles correct?
I feel the same way. I almost made a fake SB profile just to see what other guys are doing. Instead, I met some super nice SB’s and we swap SA war stories, which works just as well and is more fun.
When I first started I felt like I was going to high school dance for the first time, but in that environment you look at the other people to see what is working for them to try to learn what to do (and not to do). SA keeps you blind to that. The advantage to that is that it feels like a high school dance with 1000 beautiful women and me (yay!), but I had little guidance on what is appropriate.
Which is why I like this forum so much. I wish it was direct linked from SA, I know a lot of people could use it but they don’t know it is out here.
I’m also jealous when people put up their profiles for critique & I can’t lurk, see examples or chime in! Haha… I doubt SD ever post theirs for critique.
Maybe I’ll post mine soon. I wrote it when I first joined under a different name…it’s evolved but ack! I have to be in the zone to tinker w it. It could probably use some shortening & some flirting… we shall seee
Question for @Ambrose : In your opinion Should a SD have a “Why?” on his profile?
The stat of 10 – 14 SB per SD keeps getting tossed around. I often wonder… are these quality SD? I’ve met plenty of SD that were narcissistic egotistical sadistic maniacs that I personally would never want to be left in a room with. But the “sugar” was very real. Isn’t it matchmaking on some level? What him makes him attract his ideal SB (& not the train wrecks)? Like you said yourself… the process of sifting through SDs is tedious.
So Sure he has money. But hypothetical money isn’t enough & well… so do other gentleman on the site or out in daily life.
I ask this because this very moment I’m seeing hoards of lackluster profiles. I’m receiving some messages from men that are essentially the equivalent of pulling out one of the characters from a “Guess Who” board game & attempting to have dialog with it.
Are these fakers? Shy/Socially inept guys? Unsure Lurkers? Or lazy/clueless SDs?
Yes the SBs are usually the hunters but Do SDs feel any pressure to rise above the fray? I see very few “Whys” out here but plenty of rants, demands & hollowness.
Playing devils advocate here. 😊
Being a SB is hard. I understand. You just don’t have the time to make his life more enjoyable. But sadly that is what the Bowl is. Allowances only happen (and the Bowl only exists) because SDs are willing to spend money they have spent their life gaining on women who will make their life more fun. You should not be building a ‘persona’ while in the Bowl. That leads to a disaster. You need to be YOU. The best you there is, but still you. Honestly, personal consideration isn’t important. If a woman does not have the free time to build a strong profile, is she going to have the free time to be a good SB? Again, you (SBs) have to pull us (SDs) into wanting you. I am not equating women to cars, but the example is a strong one. If car A gives everything a buyer wants, then he is not going to bother with cars B-Z. So those other cars need to make sure they are offering what they can, in hopes that it appeals to someone.
I have no idea how often I say this. But it is true. Anyone/site/article/ect. that says being a SB is an easy way to a better life or quick and easy cash is flat out lying to you. It takes work to find a good SD. How do I know this? Because I’ve seen it. While looking for a SB. Talking to the dozens of other SDs I am friends with. And here, on these very boards. The frustration is real, because it is not a ‘fair’ playing field.
Even though @lesliel claims to disagree with my “why mantra” he sums it up well: “Paint a picture of what you and your SD would be doing.”
Should they? Yes. But it is easier for them. SDs can be much more clear. Remember, the allowance is a large part of the “WHY”. If there were no allowance, there would be no SBs. Even with all the ‘bad’ SDs the 10-14 ratio still stands. For each bad SD, there are 10-14 bad SBs. It’s a struggle to find a solid SR. It can, and does, take months. The good SDs do attempt to have solid profiles. But it is just so hard to find one. Even if there are 4-5 solid SDs on these boards, how many are looking for a SB at any given time? Now a big part of my “WHY”s is travel. Just a few months ago I took my SB to Port Au Prince, Haiti. That is a very extreme place. Very wealthy, and extremely poor/dangerous at the same time. Now if ALL a SD offers is money, and that’s it. He’s not a SD. He’s a John. Just like if all a SB offers is her body, he’s not a SB.
Flirting is great. I agree. And being prudish is terrible. But sadly, from the massive amounts of SBs I have talked to over the years, the more ‘sexy’ a profile is, the more it attracts the dredges of “SDs”.
I will take a look at your profile later today when I have more free time. (And less people looking over my shoulder)
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