My opinion is you are making this very hard on yourself. Your post is exhausting so I can’t address all your concerns but worry less about what is ‘normal’ and worry more about what is right for you. Also… don’t be telling SDs business… there is NO need to get specific on theses forums. I’m sure Jeff, the attorney from Memphis wouldn’t appreciate it.
@bunny88. You are in a tricky spot. No one can decide what is right for you but I can offer my perspective. Love is just a feeling. He loves you. You love him. It doesn’t have to mean much more than that.
I’ve loved my men that were wrong for me in the sense that I knew a future together wasn’t possible. In my last relationship (non-sugar) we loved each other, he wants to marry me, but we have too many differences. That doesn’t alter my love for him. I’m honest with him and myself.
If you can accept that he is a love that probably will not stand the test of time then enjoy where you are. If you can’t bear that your love won’t turn into something more than you need to limiti yourself to arrangements that have stricter boundaries in order to protect yourself.
Personally I would rather have love in my life…. even if heartache is around the corner.
@littlewonder You knew it was a red flag!!! Follow your instincts! But, yes I would raise that flag. Anytime someone is pushy, doesn’t listen, or desperate is a red flag for me. btw… cute screen name & awesome pic!
I think you handled the situation well. You’re simply not a match. Leave it at that. There’s no need to feel sorry for yourself, no one said it would be easy to find a match. It sounds like he was kind and a gentleman about it so hopefully he can find someone who meets his needs.
The only problem I have is that you seem judgemental of SB that accept a lower amount. You say you don’t accept offers less than 1500 because you are not an escort. In essence you are saying this amount makes you an escort, more makes you a sugar baby. That’s not how I see it. Every arrangement is different. Try to avoid labels and judgement. Focus on finding an arrangement that will leave all parties satisfied.
I have had the same experience. I always kindly reply that I’m not comfortable texting until after the initial meet and greet AND there has been mutual interest established. If a POT has a problem with this move on because he’s not respectful of your boundaries. Be grateful you found out early so you are not wasting your precious time. SB generally want to be accomidating to Daddy’s wishes, but that is a privilege that should be earned. Successful SB know when and how to get what they want so that it’s a mutually beneficial relationship. Consider this an opportunity to lay the groundwork for a relationship that fulfills both your needs. If it’s out of your comfort zone then it’s time to grow a little. You’ll be glad in the long run.
It seemed like the summit was a hot mess from the description. I can see the value of the presentations but q&a should be to a panel of experts. I agree that it sounds like questions were’t answered well. What does SA do for brown sugar? I say equal opportunity but it’s up to each girl to seduce her POT into a SD. As far as numbers/odds someone should be available with those kind of answers .
@superdaddy. What’s a rinser? I’m not familiar with this term.
Green_SB seems like the right name… cause you greedy. Sorry… I had to.
Seriously, you asked what you were doing wrong & I don’t know where to start. Your attitude of entitlement would be very off putting to me. I want my SD to feel like I’m worth every second of his time and every cent of a gift. After seeing me he should be thinking how lucky he is, not leaving with his tail between his legs. Acting like it wasn’t worth your time would be emasculating to most men. I wouldn’t ever contact you again. Your lack of tact and negotiating skills is on you. Also, you can’t sext and then resent that you weren’t compensated. Many SD consider that groundwork and part of the deal. (Most are businessmen at heart) If you don’t want to do it, don’t. If you only want to do it if you are compensated I would tell the POT that it is possible to sext but it is a privilege that is earned.
Having said that, I’m sure you could be more successful if you can make adjustments to your attitude. Any successful arrangement must leave BOTH parties satisfied. Good Luck.
I disagree with @superdaddy in that there are rules. It is the SB obligation to herself to set them, communicate them, and enforce them. Every SB can make her own rules but some are unwise, like breaking the law or rules that can’t be enforced. This is where wisdom and confidence are needed but the poster is naive and insecure… no offense sugar. I’m glad things worked out. Be safe. No amount of sugar is worth putting yourself in danger.
I’m sure you have worked it out by now but as a general rule I think you shouldn’t overreact to an event that happens once. I say treat it as an anomaly. Acknowledge (to yourself) that it happened, keep it as a red flag in the back of your mind but don’t address it unless it becomes a pattern.
@southernsd I will take it as a compliment that you thought I was an experienced SB from my replies. Maturity & experience have their perks.
Thank you for sharing your perspective and experience. I loved your cup holder story and can relate. Hope your phone was waterproof! Female ejactulation seems to be somewhat of a taboo thing to discuss but I find it extremely pleasurable so hopefully any SDs I connect with embrace it.
Another thought regarding Viagra…. I had a partner that was struggling with this. I, as others suggested, in a very well meaning way suggested Viagra. It did not go well. Turns out he was already taking it. 😩 It’s such a sensitive subject for men that many don’t want to admit to using any aids. It took awhile for him to admit to me that he had been taking it all along. Yikes! That was rough.
I’ve had more than my share of experience with this! The most important thing is to be nonjudgmental and patient. I’ve never had a partner that didn’t overcum 😜 the problem. Let him know you are willing to work with him on it – he’s worth it. (Pump up that ego). He can still satisfy you in other ways while you figure it out.
The second thing to know is alcohol is the enemy!!! Seriously. He may not want to admit it because when you are younger it’s usually not an issue but it’s fairly universal that it becomes one. He should limit his intake before you are together.
He should talk to his doctor because sometimes there are underlying health issues like diabetes that need to be addressed. In that regard I disagree with jumping straight on the little blue pill train… although god bless that train. He should probably have his testosterone level checked. Low testosterone effects men in so many ways and can be addressed leading to an overall better quality of life. Besides medical intervention there are natural ways to boost testosterone. I had a partner that had a dozen oysters every time before we were together!! It makes a difference- I swear by oysters!!!
Along the lines of what Brook wrote there are cock rings that do the trick for some.
Usually what works is a multifaceted approach. You both need to be committed to overcoming it together & he will appreciate you for being so fabulous understanding about it.
Personally I would insist on clarification. While it’s true he probably just wants to go at it hard like @southernsd said I wouldn’t want to find out the hard way that he meant anything more extreme. The dirty part has me 🤔. What if he was into scat?!?! You would want to know!
I would have played it cool… non-judgemental and just replied something like ‘What does rough and dirty mean to you?’ Accept his answer and set boundaries that you are comfortable with. If you aren’t sure how rough you like it tell him you need to start slow. My boundaries are always No means No (although some people like safe words) and that I don’t want any marks. And as far as dirty… hopefully he meant it figuratively but I would want to know for sure.